Are You Blogging About Me??

There are a few things I would love to write about on this blog but the truth is I am a little worried about doing so.

There are many tales to tell, mostly funny and amusing, and some things that have irritated me or continue to annoy me. I would love to write them down but there is one thing stopping me.

They involve people I know.

I have a thick skin and can tolerate a fair amount of abuse, either funny tongue in cheek banter or even on occasion words spoken in spite because of a difference of opinion, an argument or whatever.

The problem is that I really don’t know how thick skinned other people actually are. Worse, I have no idea if they would mind seeing a story about them appearing on a blog in cyberspace that a lot of people may stumble across.

Regular readers know that I have actually written about a few people, notably Mrs PM, as well as my sons. I’ve also mentioned people in passing, usually involving an amusing incident in a light-hearted post.

However, I have hidden their names behind a pseudonym; I’ve done exactly the same with myself too. My name is not really Plastic Mancunian – in case you were wondering.

Nevertheless, even when I have mentioned people hidden behind a silly name, I have wondered whether they actually read my blog and if so what they would think if they actually recognised themselves.

It’s happened on one or two occasions.

I walked into a pub one day to meet some mates and one of them said:

“OY! You wrote about me wearing a bloody dress!”

The fact that quite a few people knew that he wore a dress once was irrelevant. I didn’t even give him a pseudonym – I merely mentioned the fact that I knew a guy who wore a dress to see the Rocky Horror Show and allowed a photograph of him to be taken.

Worse, I think I was the person who circulated the photo around selected people in the office – a double whammy if you like.

And now I’ve mentioned it again he might even bring it up YET AGAIN!

“YOU UTTER ARSE! YOU’VE DONE IT AGAIN! ARE YOU OBSESSED?”

Of course I’m not obsessed and I apologise once more in advance.

This is the dilemma I have. Over the years certain people have truly annoyed me and some still do, particularly in the work environment. And I am itching, absolutely itching to pour scorn on them via the medium of the blog.

I guess that for those in my past who I do not class as friends or those I simply haven’t seen for years, the problem is not too bad. I would hate to have upset a work colleague because of a few ill-chosen sentences just to make a point – even if I disliked the fellow in question.

So I am torn; torn between an evolving need to write about people I know or have known and a desire to remain a nice guy and leave people alone.

I don’t think it’s so bad in the case above where I am simply taking the piss out of a friend. I wouldn’t mind if people did that to me – I do enough of that myself.

It is an inner conflict that needs to be resolved.

This is one of the reasons that I was disappointed that my blog was discovered in the first place. Initially I wanted it to remain completely anonymous, devoid of any photographs of myself, so that I could regale the world with tales of work, life and the universe, mentioning everybody I knew without fear of reprisals.

Thinking about this logically, I shouldn’t be worried at all. I’ve read autobiographies where the author has made it perfectly clear how he feels about the people in his or her past. It’s worse in this case because the author has actually named names and not been kind enough to protect them behind a pseudonym.

So why should I care?

I care because I think I am a nice guy and even though I may not be keen on the person in question, I feel a moral obligation to leave them alone rather than splashing their name, albeit a pseudonym, on a blog that anyone can read.

I sometimes even wonder how Mrs PM will react if I mention her in a post (and I never say anything bad about her).

Not everyone is like me. Not everyone would like to be seen as a joke or the target of a Plastic Mancunian rant.

Do you see my predicament? I could open up a whole new area of bloggery if I allowed myself to stop caring about what people would think if I were to write about them.

It’s one to mull over I think. Perhaps I can dig into the distant past and hope that people don’t recognise me or themselves.

Over to you, dear reader.

What would you do? 

Would you avoid writing about people you know for fear of upsetting them – even if you are not sure whether they read your blog or not?

Actually, part of me is tempted to lose my own anonymity on this blog.

But that's an inner struggle for another day.

The Keyboard Warrior (Part Two) - The Soul Of The Troll

A few years ago I wrote a post about Keyboard Warriors, also known as Trolls (you can read it here).

These are people who hide behind their keyboards in total anonymity and post vile and vindictive comments, posts etc. under an assumed name, and cause anger, pain and sometimes worse. They range from being anonymously insulting to being utterly malicious cyber bullies.

A couple of days ago I received a comment on a post I wrote three years ago about my thoughts on William Shakespeare (you can read it here). Basically I said that he was rubbish (or at least rubbish in a contemporary way), in what I thought would be an amusing little article with a witty title – and it provoked a Keyboard Warrior, albeit a relatively mild one, to respond.

My desire for the post, like just about all of the posts I write, was to provoke a little debate, with a little light-hearted humour, giving me a chance to reminisce a little about English classes as school and poke fun at a British establishment. I added a little self-deprecation, as I usually do, in order to make reading the post a fun experience.

I was – and still am – quite proud of that particular post. I received a fair few comments, some of which agreed whole-heartedly with my views, and others that disagreed with valid reasons.

It was a bit of fun and I think most people who read it enjoyed the fun too. The post was even mentioned in a Shakespeare blog (something that made me quite pleased with myself).

And then I received another comment from a Keyboard Warrior called “Edward”. Here it is:

I found this drivel by accident. I'm just amazed that there are people out there like you, very many people in fact, who wear their ignorance and foolishness so proudly. I thought I was reading the ramblings of some over-opinionated teenager until I saw what an old fart you were. 

Now I have a thick skin and my first reaction was to laugh out loud. As Edward quite rightly points out – I really am an old fart – which is why I can laugh about it and take his jibes on the chin. Had Edward actually left me a link to his blog or a profile where I could mail him, I would have done that and offered to enter a debate on the pros and cons of the Bard.

Sadly, like all Keyboard Warriors, poor Edward has chosen to hide behind, what I assume, is a pseudonym. There was no debate, no intelligent responses to my points – nothing more than, effectively:

“You are a dickhead”.

And it is this kind of blind thinking that makes a Keyboard Warrior a menace. While I am thick skinned enough to shrug off such abuse, there are a lot of people who take such insults and anonymous negativity to heart.

Trolls cannot debate; they simply have to say nasty things.

Compared to some trolls out there, Edward is an extremely mild form; he didn’t swear yet he chose to call me ignorant, foolish and over-opinionated as well as an old fart – mild by comparison to some troll output I have read.

As somebody who loves the debate, I always find that when the person I am arguing with resorts to petty insults, then I have simply won the argument because they cannot respond.

Believe me, dear reader, I have had some lively debates over the years and been on the receiving end of extremely heavy defeats.  Unlike your average troll, however, I brush myself down and admit defeat.

There is nothing wrong with admitting that you are wrong.

Most debates and discussions I have end up with both parties agreeing to disagree and metaphorically shaking hands across cyberspace as we part amicably having had a fabulous and sometimes lively discussion.

I pride myself in having the ability to be able to be open about things too. I have changed my opinions on many things because of a well-argued and logical point of view. In my experience a large percentage of people are like that.

Of course I can be stubborn – but at least I can and do admit it.

To be honest, the only times I have fallen victim to trolls is when I have commented on other peoples’ blog posts or dived into a debate on a message board. People who stumble across my blog rarely engage in troll-like comment writing.

On one particular message board, I have seen a troll actually threaten another poster with violence, from behind the cover of a pseudonym of course. Thankfully, the other members of that particular community reacted and rallied round the victim, before the board moderators banned the perpetrator.

Sadly, on other social media, trolls can run riot.

My stance is the same as it has ever been; if a troll attacks me I will respond but without resorting to low tactics if I can help it. However, it does annoy me.

Bullying is something that I have dealt with physically in the past; I despise bullies and in one particular episode from my childhood, the red mist descended forcing me to lash out at the perpetrator without fear of the consequences.

It worked and I never suffered again. I have made a pact with myself that I will not succumb to bullying of any kind and I will do my best to bring the bully down as hard and as fast as I can.

There are people out there who simply can’t do that and, worse, it is even more difficult if the bully is a troll who can hide behind anonymity, sitting there behind his keyboard pouring scorn on the world without fear of reprisal because, he thinks, he can get away with it.

I do pity some trolls though, because I have a theory that they have, in the past, been victims of bullying themselves and consider their behaviour to be acceptable. This breed of troll has been a victim in the past and has decided that he will become the very thing he despised because he thinks it will make him a better person.

It’s a kind of warped view on survival of the fittest. Behind the anonymity of the keyboard, the troll can be the alpha male he wants to be without fear of being conquered by others.

I pity those guys and hope that they see the error of their ways. The best way to respond to a bully is to fight back – not bully others.

Anyway, you’re probably curious about how I responded to Edward. Here’s what I said:

Hi "Edward",

It's very nice of you to comment; in particular it is very nice of you NOT to actually attempt to debate with me about the merits of Shakespeare. I am certain that Shakespeare himself would be impressed by your heroic defence of his work.

Except it's not really a defence is it? Clearly you can't put forward a cogent argument as to why I am wrong; you can't give me examples of why I should care one jot about the bard's work, like the other, more reasonable commentators on this post.

But hey - all I do is write drivel, eh?

If you dare, please try commenting again, this time with an email address or something, rather than under the anonymous name "Edward" and with less of a hint of the Keyboard Warrior.

I am willing to listen to people who can debate - but not people who blindly insult without actually thinking about what they are saying.

:-)

Cheers

PM

I even added my usual smiley.

One last thing, Edward – if you stumble across THIS piece of drivel and feel I am picking on you, then please feel free to engage in a discussion:

(a) Why Shakespeare ISN’T rubbish.
(b) Why you are not a Troll.

Let’s have a debate about it.

Anonymity can be used for many things – but using it to become a troll is something I struggle to forgive.

My A to Z Of Food

I love food. In fact, I haven’t met a person or animal that doesn’t like food. I know for a fact that some people love food more than others – and that’s also true of my cats. Jasper (aka “Fatty”) loves his food so much that he can barely haul his fat arse off the chair to wobble into the kitchen for his bowl of food.

While trawling the internet, I found another A to Z meme, this time food related, and I thought might be fun to have a go at.

As usual, please feel free to steal it.

A - Are you adventurous when it comes to trying unusual food?

Yes and no. There are certain things I will not try – such as insects or gastropods. I have eaten outside my comfort zone, particularly in China, Japan, Australia and even Europe. Most recently in Japan, Mrs PM and I were served an authentic multi-course meal and the waiter took great pleasure in telling us exactly what we were eating, including bizarre foodstuffs like sea urchin. I didn’t think people ate sea urchin. Recently in the UK and France, there was a scandal where it was discovered that everyday processed foodstuffs, such as lasagne, actually contained horsemeat instead of beef. I have to say that I actually willingly had a horse steak in Zurich and I loved it. Sometimes we Brits are a little stuffy when it comes to food; I think we should be more adventurous as a nation.

B - Breakfast – what does your typical breakfast consist of?

During the week I have Oat Flakes with raisins and a banana, all washed down with a glass of grapefruit juice. At the weekend I sometimes treat myself to bacon and egg or toast
or all three, all washed down with a nice strong cup of tea.

C - Comfort food – what do you reach for when you need cheering up?

I’m quite happy to eat a cheese sandwich and a cup of tea.

D - Describe a dessert to die for.

Black Forest Gateaux. I am not usually a dessert person, preferring cheese and biscuits to a sugary, creamy calorific mess that makes you fat just looking at it. However, I cannot resist a Black Forest Gateaux because the combination of ingredients hits a spot – and makes me feel dreadful afterwards, firstly because I have almost certainly put on several pounds, and secondly because I rarely eat desserts, I actually start to feel queasy.

E-  Eggs – sunny side up, scrambled, poached or another way – how do you like yours?

I like eggs, scrambled, fried, boiled and poached. I’m not that fussy to be honest.

F - Fruit – do you find it fiddly or fab? What’s your favourite?

I love fruit. My favourites are apples, bananas, grapefruit, nectarines, peaches, plums and oranges. I eat at least one piece of fruit a day.

G - Gourmet food – what do you make of it?

Sometimes I think it is overpriced rubbish. However, there have been occasions when I have been pleasantly surprised by the amazing taste. The problem is I still feel hungry afterwards.

H - Hangover food – what works for you? 

A full English breakfast: Bacon, eggs, sausages, toast, black pudding and lots of fruit juice.

I - Ice cream – what’s your favourite flavour?

I’m not a huge fan of ice cream but I really like the chocolate chip ice cream I had from Ben and Jerry’s last time I was in the US. Also, Italian ice cream is particularly nice.

J - Juices – just one fruit or a cocktail of flavours? And your favourite juice?

Grapefruit juice is my favourite but I sometimes mix it with orange juice (usually when we are low on one of them). Apple juice is also extremely pleasant as are most juices if I’m honest.

K - Are you a Kitchen King / Queen or a total disaster?

I hate cooking but when I do cook, I am a Kitchen King.  I have never had a disaster yet and I think I could impress a young lady with a wonderful meal, if I were ever to be young, free and single again. Mrs PM certainly likes my culinary efforts, although I’m not sure whether that is because it tastes good or because she wants me to continue cooking and is therefore buttering me up.

L - Lunch – tell us about a lovely lunch, real or ideal. Where? What? Who with?

I love a lunch with Mrs PM and/or friends in a pub or bistro that served decent light wholesome food. However, there are a few celebrities I wouldn’t mind having lunch with. One day I’ll make a list for a separate post.

M - Money is no object so what would you order in a restaurant?

I think I would go for a monstrous and very expensive steak.

N - No way! I’m not eating that! What foods turn your stomach?

Rhubarb. The very thought of putting it in my mouth makes me feel sick. It belongs in Hell (where I am absolutely certain it grows in abundance). It ought to be the 11th commandment: THOU SHALT NOT EAT RHUBARB! Rhubarb should be ILLEGAL!

O - Octopus – would you? Have you? How was it?

Yes I would – and I have on several occasions. It was wonderful. The first time I ate octopus was in a Greek restaurant in Liverpool in 1984. The last time was in a restaurant in Kyoto, Japan earlier this year.

P - Picnics – describe your perfect picnic platter.

Sandwiches, cheese, biscuits, fruit and plenty of wine and beer.

Q - Quick snack – what do you go for when you need something fast?

Sorry to be boring but I usually make a sandwich – or as we say here in Manchester – a butty. I also like olives or a piece of fruit. Mind you, if we have any in, I will also go for chocolate and/or crisps.

R - Roasted, baked, chips or mash? What’s the best way of cooking potatoes?

In this order: mashed, chips, baked, boiled.

S - Signature dish – what’s yours? Why?

Pasta. I can whip up a decent pasta dish in 15 minutes. Quick, easy and delicious.

T - Toast – how can something so simple be so complicated? How do you like yours?

Toast is toast is toast. My favourite toast has lashings of melted cheese on it. Or marmite (I realise that people either love or hate marmite; I love it – I’m sorry).

U - Underrated food you think everyone should try.

Avocado is underrated in my opinion. I love it in salads, on sandwiches with salmon and of course guacamole is simply wonderful. I know people who hate it – or at least claim to, most of whom have never tried it and simply don’t like the look of it.

V - Vegetarian dishes you love or hate.

I hate anything with celery in it. I love a decent salad.

W - Weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten.

Sea urchin.

X - X-rated – what food gets you in the mood?

Anything – if I’m in the mood I am simply in the mood. I have tried oysters but I have to say I will never ever do that again; one of the most disgusting things I have ever eaten.

Y - Yuckiest meal? What? Where? Why?

I have mentioned this before but I will again; eel stew in Hong Kong. It tasted as disgusting as it looked. Why did I have it? Because I was feeling adventurous, despite the earnings from one of my colleagues who urged me not to try it.

Z - Zero calorie options – are they an option for you? Why?

Absolutely but I need to have something that contains a little substance alongside it. I am slightly overweight but not really fat and I think that having a balanced diet is the key to staying slim. It’s fine to have a monstrously highly calorific meal but you need to cut down later. It works for me and I reckon it could work for most people.

And finally …

As I said above, please feel free to steal this meme. I would be interested in your answers.

Soapbox For Sale

So there I was, searching You Tube for a glimpse of the new video by Nine Inch Nails, suspecting that it would be a pleasurable experience that would add a little extra happiness to my day. The last thing I expected was that I would end up ranting to the cats again.

I found the video and pressed the play button so that I could listen to a brand new song from one of my favourite recording artists.

After 90 seconds I was in full rant mode.

Why?

Because I had had to endure 90 seconds of watching an advert for a product that I have no interest in at all. 

I had no choice.

It was the final straw. I was so looking forward to the video that when I was asked to spend a whole minute and a half watching a pointless trailer for a violent computer game, in which I have no interest, I simply flipped.

These adverts are so bloody irritating and are popping up everywhere. The internet used to be a safe haven from the endless adverts that plagued television and radio commercials.

The disease has spread to the internet, dear reader – and I am bloody annoyed about it.

My entire life is invaded by people endlessly harassing and haranguing me, urging me to throw away my hard earned cash on products that I have absolutely zero interest in.

There’s no escape.

I feel like I’m being hunted by relentless marketing people who want to beat me into submission so that I turn into one of those poor unfortunate people who end up throwing away their money and filling their houses with trinkets, gadgets, music, movies, clothes, cleaning products, furniture, food, motor accessories and every conceivable product that can be purchased.

My smartphone is a target for a lot of rants – though not because it is a useless gadget. If I am out and about and want to surf the internet on my phone, I invariably end up having advert after advert hurled at the screen.

Why?

Because the advertisers are exploiting my physical weakness and my lack of coordination.

On my tiny smartphone screen (which incidentally is bigger than most, including the latest iPhone), I see a link I have to click with my decrepit eyes. Because my failing eyesight lets me down, my terrible hand-eye coordination and stubby fingers mean that I inadvertently click the wrong link – the bloody link that points to an advert - the link that takes 2 minutes to display and wastes a fraction of MY money because I have forked out for mobile internet and had to waste precious megabytes downloading something that is asking me if I want to buy carpet shampoo.

Imagine this happening on a bus, full of other passengers minding their own business. All they hear is me screaming at my phone:

“FOR PETE’S SAKE!! WHY DID YOU CALL UP A PAGE ADVERTISING SHAKE AND BLOODY VAC? I JUST WANT TO READ THE BLOODY NEWS!!!”



The passengers are divided. All smartphone owners nod in deep understanding because this has happened to them. Others think I’m an imbecile ranting at a poor victim at the other end of my phone and shy away from me as if I am the nutter on the nutty bus.

Why the blithering flump have You Tube decided that covering their videos with an advert is a good idea? If anything it is going to stop people using the service.

And on Facebook – why do you have to watch a bloody video before you play one of their mind-numbing but hopelessly addictive games?

Ranting about adverts is nothing new for me. I’ve been doing it for donkey’s years. The difference is that I thought I had eliminated them from my life.

On TV, I simply started recording everything, whether it be on a video recorder in the 80’s and 90’s or on Sky Plus since I have had satellite TV. This means that now I can simply zap through the commercials. I rarely see a TV commercial these days.

That said, we now have to suffer adverts from companies that sponsor TV programmes so I can’t eliminate all of them. My current favourite TV programme is Dexter and that. Like all drama on Fox TV, is sponsored by a male fragrance in a pink bottle and usually features a rather suspect male model wearing little clothing being groped by an equally scantily clad woman. I am ranting before the credits start.

On the radio, I have long since stopped listening to commercial radio stations, mainly because the music is garbage (I won’t start a rant about that) but also because the DJ’s all talk shit and the adverts are the worst adverts in the world. Here is a typical 30 minutes on a commercial radio station:

00 to 02: News – 50% of which is about pointless celebrities.
03 to 04: Weather (which in the UK is invariably shit).
05 to 07: Stupid bloody adverts.
09 to 17: Inane bollocks from idiotic DJ’s.
18 to 20: Half of a crap song interrupted by yet more inane drivel from DJ’s.
21 to 23: Yet more stupid bloody adverts.
24 to 27: Half of a crap song interrupted by even more insipid idiocy from DJ’s.
28 to 30: Yet MORE stupid bloody adverts.

I thought the internet was my sanctuary but it’s not. Every single web page has been invaded by the inexorable, ruthless advertising machine that ruins all of our lives.***

I will try to end on a positive note.

While some adverts are totally irritating or just plain annoying I have to admit that there have been some adverts over the years that have made me chuckle.

Here are a few of my favourites:

I apologise for any unsolicited adverts supplied by You Tube when viewing these adverts.

By the way – don’t be misled by the title of this blog post. I have absolutely no intention of selling my soapbox.

I need it and it is priceless.

*** Eagle-eyed readers may have noticed the adverts at the foot of this very web page. I apologise for my hypocrisy; I have made all of fifteen shiny new pounds sterling in five years. Impressed?  I’m not!

The Adventurers

I used to think I was quite adventurous, a man who approached the edge, albeit with caution, and peered over, satisfied that I had actually dared to go close enough to regale friends and colleagues with tales of valour and adventure.

Last weekend I realised that there are people who march up to the edge and throw themselves off with wild abandon and a spirit of adventure that makes my tales and experiences pale into insignificance.

Mrs PM has a friend called Ryan, a man lives life to the full. I met Ryan way back in 1999 in Hong Kong when Mrs PM and I were working together. He was immediately likeable and extremely outgoing. He had left England’s shores and moved to Hong Kong with no plan other than to do something different. When I met him he was writing for a local magazine, mainly as a source of income so that he could remain there.

After Hong Kong, he continued to work his way around Asia teaching English as a foreign language.

The last time I saw him was early in the 2000’s when he returned to England for a university reunion, which coincidentally took place in Manchester. Before too long he was off on his travels again.

I heard snippets of his adventures and eventually found out that he had met an American woman called Tasha and had moved to New York.

Earlier this year, Mrs PM asked if I fancied a trip to London for another of her university reunions. The answer was yes, of course. Not only would it be a good excuse to visit the capital again, I would also get to see her friends again, all of whom are great fun to be with.

“Ryan will be there,” she said. “In fact, it’s really just for him we’re going. He’s going to sail part way around the world.”

The words slowly sunk in.

“You mean on his own?” I asked.

“No – in a clipper with a crew of people.”

His adventures had cranked up a gear.

“We get to go on a spectator boat as his guests,” she added.

Even then I didn’t really sense the full impact of what I was about to see.

We arrived in the East End of London at Sarah and Rob’s who were kindly putting us up for the night. On Saturday night, we arrived at London Bridge station and made our way to St Katherine’s Docks just next to Tower Bridge and the Tower of London, where we met some of Mrs PM’s other old friends.

It was then that I realised that this event was much bigger than I initially thought.

There were twelve 70ft racing yachts, each manned by a team of 20. The race was fairly big news, making the national papers and the BBC news. St Katharine’s Dock was very busy with security prohibiting people from getting close to the yachts themselves.

We saw Ryan on one of the yachts and after a brief exchange on the phone with his wife Tasha, we were allowed to bypass security as guests of the crew and have a chance to explore the yacht itself. My first thought was:

“Twenty people on this boat?”

Yes indeed – and there was not much room, particularly below decks. Ryan told us that crew took it in turns to sail the boat, getting four hours sleep then working for four hours before getting more sleep, sharing bunk beds in the cramped space.

Even more surprising was the fact that the teams were largely made up of novices, each of whom had undergone intense training. Ryan and his wife were actually sailing on different yachts.

The trip itself consists of several legs; Ryan and Tasha are sailing the first leg (London to Rio de Janeiro) then the third leg (Cape Town to Western Australia). They are going to visit Rio, then fly to Cape Town before the yachts arrive and explore the area before rejoining the race to Australia. From there they are leaving the race and exploring Australia before heading off to Asia for more adventures.

To me the boat seemed really small for the number of people and I was in awe of the crew. It soon became clear that this was the edge that I would peer at as people like Ryan and his wife marched over gleefully.

Later that evening we had dinner with Ryan and Tasha and their family and friends and I had a chance to talk to Tasha, who was suddenly aware of the enormity of the task in front of her. Her nerves were evident but I sensed that she it was nervous excitement; her enthusiasm was almost infectious.

I chatted briefly to her about my travels but compared to her I had travelled the easy way. For example, I love telling people that I spent three weeks in a hotel in the middle of a Russian winter. Tasha told me about spending many more weeks in Russia in the middle of winter teaching English but in a place where for one reason or another, the electricity was turned off, leaving her effectively living fully clothed in a sleeping bag reading book after book.

She and Ryan seem made for each other, kindred spirits keen to try something new and adventurous while travelling the world.

The next day we arrived at St Katherine’s Dock again just in time to see Ryan’s team being interviewed before departure. The whole place was absolutely packed; in fact there were people along Tower Bridge and the river side waiting for, what turned out be a fairly large flotilla that would escort the yachts down the River Thames towards the race start.

I realised how lucky we were because we were privileged enough to be on a spectator boat. Such was the significance of the race that Tower Bridge was raised to allow the yachts through so that spectators could see for themselves.  I had never seen Tower Bridge raised.

Our boat was one of a quite a few and we sailed beneath Tower Bridge and got the best view as we approached each of the yachts in turn before they set off towards Greenwich. Crowds cheered and applauded from the boats and the riverside as well as Tower Bridge itself.

We cruised down the Thames, following the yachts which, at this stage were all in sequence, the crew on board dancing, waving and shouting to the cheering crowds offering encouragement. Whenever we passed a yacht, family and friends screamed encouragement to their loved ones in the team, waving flags furiously to attract attention.

Ryan actually spotted us and did a little dance on the front of his yacht. Other teams were clapping, singing and dancing.

After a couple of hours of accompanying the yachts, we reached the Thames Barrier and this was the point where we said goodbye to them. The spectator boats lined up to watch the yachts sail past, with every single one of them receiving raucous cheers.

We returned back up river to St Katharine’s Dock and chatted about the task that lay ahead for the intrepid sailors. One of Mrs PM’s friends asked if we should do it.

“I’m a little too old I think,” I said.

“You’re NEVER too old,” she replied. “LET’S DO IT!!”

I suspect that she was joking but there may be an element of true desire to do it. From my own perspective, I may have been tempted to have a go in my younger days but I really don’t think I could now. I feel unable to step over the edge into the unknown.

Yet there is a little part of me that wouldn’t mind – and feels envious.

Nevertheless, I would love to just pack in my job and fly off on a round the world trip; it is still an ambition of mine. It would be an adventure, but not a true adventure like the one Ryan and Tasha are embarking on.

To finish off, here are a few photos of the weekend.

Tower Bridge and The Shard

Spectators next to the Tower of London

Tower Bridge opens for the occasion

Ryan's yacht

Tasha's yacht

River Thames and a few boats

You can read more about the race here.

I am off on my travels again on Friday, this time back to Turkey for a relaxing holiday with a couple of friends.

Not exactly sailing around the world but it will do me for now.

A Book Meme

I found this book meme whilst travelling through cyberspace, so I thought I would have a go.

As usual, feel free to steal it if you want – I did.

1. Favourite childhood book?

I’m sad to say that when I was a kid I used to read a lot of Enid Blyton books. It’s hard to pick a favourite but the one I particularly recall is The Adventures of Mr Pink-Whistle, a strange creature that hates unfairness and strives to put things right; a weird version of The Equalizer, if you like.

2. What are you reading right now?

I’m currently reading my third Lee Child book, called Tripwire, featuring Jack Reacher, the ex-military policeman who drifts from crisis to crisis and uses a combination of investigative powers and brute violence to sort things out.

3. What books do you have on request at the library?

Sadly none. It’s been a couple of years since I last visited the library.

4. Bad book habit?

I don’t know whether this is a bad book habit or not, but I have to finish a book even if it is diabolically bad. And I’ve read some dreadful books I can tell you.

5. What do you currently have checked out at the library?

Nothing. See the answer to question 3.

6. Do you have an e-reader?

I have a Kindle which makes me a slave to Amazon.

7. Do you prefer to read one book at a time, or several at once?

I like to concentrate on one novel at a time but I have been known to read a couple of non-fiction books at the same time. As well as reading Tripwire (see question 2) I have The QI Book Of The Dead perched on my bathroom window sill for comfort reading while answering a call of nature.

8. Have your reading habits changed since starting a blog?

Not really. I have tried drifting into other genres but, like a moth to a flame, I am drawn back to my comfort zone.

9. Least favourite book you read this year (so far?)

I’ve enjoyed them all but arguably the worst is Darkly Dreaming Dexter by Jeff Lindsay, the inspiration for Dexter the TV series. It is not a bad book at all and I really did enjoy it; the rest were just  better.

10. Favourite book you've read this year?

The Fall of Hyperion by Dan Simmons; space opera at its best.

11. How often do you read out of your comfort zone?

Not often enough. I should read much more non-fiction and expand my fiction horizons. Perhaps I should force myself to read one book that is completely outside my comfort zone out of every three.

12. What is your reading comfort zone?

Science fiction, horror, thrillers, fantasy, comedy  or a combination of all of them.

13. Can you read on the bus?

Definitely. Reading saved my life in the days when I didn’t have a car and had to spend an hour or two on the bus to work every single day.

14. Favourite place to read?

On a beach with the waves lapping against the shore – or in bed.

15. What is your policy on book lending?

Since buying my Kindle I don’t lend books. However, I have borrowed books in the past so I think it’s only fair to return the favour.

16. Do you ever dog-ear books?

You can’t dog-ear a Kindle. In the past I have tried not to dog-ear books and mostly succeeded.

17. Do you ever write in the margins of your books?

Only text books or work related technical books

18. Not even with text books?

See previous question.

19. What is your favourite language to read in?

I am fluent in English, American and Australian so it has to be one of those.

20. What makes you love a book?

A story has to be intriguing, scary, thrilling and the characters have to be constantly having a bad day; either that it makes me laugh out loud.

21. What will inspire you to recommend a book?

I will recommend a book if I am disappointed that I have finished it.

22. Favourite genre?

With my hand on my heart, I have to say horror fiction.

23. Genre you rarely read (but wish you did?)

Any factual non-fiction.

24. Favourite biography?

That’s easy: I am Ozzy by Ozzy Osbourne. It is the funniest book I have read in years.

25. Have you ever read a self-help book?

I’ve read a couple and one or two have helped, particularly those that help me cope with workload, such as time management. I haven’t taken everything to heart but in a book full of advice, you can pick up a few gems and make them habit.

26. Favourite cookbook?

I have never read a cookbook and I have no intention of reading one.

27. Most inspirational book you've read this year (fiction or non-fiction)?

Probably my bathroom book The QI Book of the Dead, simply because I have learned a lot about several famous and fabulous historical people, facts that I had no idea about, as well as being introduced to some really crazy people I have never heard of. I haven't finished it yet either.

28. Favourite reading snack?

What a daft question.

29. Name a case in which hype ruined your reading experience.

The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown was hyped to buggery and I succumbed. I thought it was distinctly average and sadly I tried some of his other efforts too  - and they were so disappointing. I can’t believe he is so popular. I won't read any more of his books, that's for sure.

30. How often do you agree with critics about a book?

I don’t read what critics say about anything.

31. How do you feel about giving bad/negative reviews?

Personally I don’t care. If I read a book and don’t like it, I feel annoyed that I wasted my money buying it. And if it saves somebody else spending their cash on, what in my opinion, is a disappointing book then so be it.

32. If you could read in a foreign language, which language would you choose?

Any one of them.

33. Most intimidating book you've ever read?

No books have been intimidating but The Dark by James Herbert scared me half to death.

34. Most intimidating book you're too nervous to begin?

I’ll give any book a go.I can't imagine anything worrying me that much - unless it is a factual book about Satanism.

35. Favourite poet?

I hate poetry.

36. How many books do you usually have checked out of the library at any given time?

None (see above). I have taken six out at once in the past for a three week work trip to Russia in the middle of winter. I was 40km away from Moscow in an isolated hotel and the temperature ranged from -20 to -10 degrees. I was totally bored and those books saved my life.

37. How often have you returned a book to the library unread?

Once or twice but only because I didn't read them quickly enough.

38. Favourite fictional character?

I like Harry Keogh, the hero of the Necroscope series of horror stories by Bryan Lumley.

39. Favourite fictional villain?

There are so many villains in the books I read and I love them all. One leaps to mind: Randall Flagg from The Stand by Stephen King – but if you ask me tomorrow I will have a different answer.

40. Books I'm most likely to bring on vacation?

Any books in the genres mentioned in question 12.

41. The longest I've gone without reading.

I never go for more than a day without reading.

42. Name a book that you could/would not finish.

Fifty Shades of Grey. Mind you, I wouldn’t even start it.

43. What distracts you easily when you're reading?

Music. Music and reading do not go together.

44. Favourite film adaptation of a novel?

The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harries was a pretty good adaptation.

45. Most disappointing film adaptation?

The Jason Bourne trilogy by Robert Ludlum. Don’t get me wrong, The Bourne Identity, The Bourne Supremacy and The Bourne Ultimatum were fantastic films and I loved them. The big problem for me was the fact that the only thing they had in common with the books was Jason Bourne, the main character.

I would dearly love to see a proper adaptation of the three book based extremely closely to the books. The Bourne Ultimatum ranks as my favourite Robert Ludlum book and it is absolutely nothing like the film at all.

46. The most money I've ever spent in the bookstore at one time?

Probably about £20.

47. How often do you skim a book before reading it?

Never – unless it is a technical text book.

48. What would cause you to stop reading a book half-way through?

Somebody setting fire to it.

49. Do you like to keep your books organised?

No. Mrs PM makes me get rid of them. However, now I have a Kindle I can keep them all in alphabetical order on my device without interference from my beloved.

50. Do you prefer to keep books or give them away once you've read them?

I prefer to keep them. Mrs PM prefers to ditch them. I have a rule that I will refuse to break though. Comedy books and non-fiction must be kept (as reference books if nothing else).

51. Are there any books you've been avoiding?

Only books I have no intention of reading. Why avoid a book that you want to read?

52. Name a book that made you angry.

The Dark Tower by Stephen King. This was the pinnacle of a seven book series that supposedly rivalled The Lord of the Rings and when I finished it I was so disappointed that I almost threw the book into the swimming pool (I was on holiday at the time). I actually ranted to Mrs PM about it and she watched me blank faced because she had no idea what I was raving about.

53. A book you didn't expect to like but did?

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone by J.K.Rowling. I ended up reading all seven books as a result.

54. A book that you expected to like but didn't?

The Dark Tower by Stephen King.

55. Favourite guilt-free, pleasure reading?

A huge multi-volume space opera full of madness, monsters and mayhem.

The Insomniac

Sometimes I suffer from insomnia and I have no idea why. I manage to get to sleep but, being a light sleeper I suddenly ping awake in the middle of the night and absolutely struggle to fall asleep again – until approximately two minutes before my alarm clock goes off for work.

I have tried several cures for insomnia and to be honest I find that a percentage of them work:

1%.

The vast majority of them don’t. I’ve tried them all.

Here are some that I have tried and that have failed spectacularly.

Reading

I love reading but I simply cannot read a bad boring book without ranting internally, something which fuels my insomnia. Sadly my favourite genres are science fiction, action thrillers and good old heart-wrenching blood-curdling horror; none of these work.

Science fiction sparks my imagination, something that is a true ally to insomnia.

Action thrillers have the same effect.

Horror books just scare the shit out of me and leave me lying in bed convinced that if I fall asleep a mad alien maniac will take me away and perform gruesome experiments on the most tender parts of my anatomy.

Drinking Warm Milk

Drinking warm milk does not work because the idea of warming milk was conceived in one of the more despicable think tanks of Hell itself.

Warm milk is disgusting and, if I were to survive the foul taste without vomiting, I would almost certainly wake up an hour later, desperate for the toilet and cursing because no amount of minty mouth wash can remove the lingering taste of rancid, stale warm milk.

Counting Sheep

Whoever thought that counting sheep was a good idea is an oddball. I have tried it but I find myself worrying about whether the field into which the sheep are so nimbly leaping into will be able to accommodate them. And then I start wondering why the sheep are jumping the fence into that field in the first place.

Is it a better field?

And why are they leaping over the fence one by one?

Is there a queuing system?

And are there an infinite number of sheep? There must be – because I have reached 2,345,203,334 – and there were still billions of the buggers left.

And what about the poor old sheep that can’t jump the fence?

Do they cry when they see the youngsters leaping over the fence, mocking their invalidity?

Also to be quite honest, I’ve never seen a sheep jump so I find the whole thing worrying and unbelievable.

And that fuels my insomnia.

Listening to Music

This has worked at least for a short while. I have a playlist on my iPod containing lots of mellow sleep-inducing melodies and they help soothe my raging insomnia. Sadly, even my mellow playlist contains a few, shall we say, more heavy numbers and invariably a loud blast of Judas Priest will wrench me from my slumber with maximum prejudice, making me leap out of bed in terror.

Writing a Novel in My Head

I have written around 2,532 novels in my head and they all have something in common – they are utter rubbish, so rubbish in fact that I beat myself up about how bad my ideas are and how, if they ever somehow find their way into print, people will ridicule my poor writing technique, my incredibly bad plots, appalling characters and extremely poor verbiage.

And that keeps me awake.

Lucid Dreaming

I’ve tried this and it doesn’t work. I can’t be aware that I am dreaming because when I am asleep I think I might be awake and when I am awake I think I might be asleep.  But I’m not. I’m either awake or asleep and not both awake and asleep or neither awake or asleep. The great Stan Laurel summed it up perfectly for me:

“I had a dream I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.”

Confused? Yes – I was and that kept me awake – or did it?

Not Thinking At All

This is impossible. I’ve tried meditation, clearing my mind of all things that might fuel my insomnia but when a random thought pops into my head I end up arguing with myself:

“Will you stop thinking about rubber chickens? You’re supposed to be clearing your mind.”

“I can’t help it. The thought just popped into my head and now I can’t get rid of it.”

“You’re a bloody arse! You can’t even do this one simple thing.”

“Leave me alone – now I’m stressed by your nagging and the rubber chickens are still there.”

Insomnia rubs its hands in glee.

Eating Cheese Before I Go To Bed

Cheese gives me weird dreams so I have tried eating a fair amount before going to bed. When I lie there in the darkness, I contemplate how magnificently bizarre my dreams are going to be and I look forward to them. Sadly, eating cheese before bedtime doesn’t agree with me and I end up having to get up to deal with a mild and extremely irritating bout of indigestion (see Getting Up later).

Hypnosis

I’ve tried hypnosis and this actually works. “Great,” I hear you cry. Sadly, Mrs PM recognises my trance state and has started suggesting things to me.

“You have an urge to clean the bathroom on a daily basis.”

“You hate rock music and consider Lady Ga Ga and Rihanna to be the pinnacle of music.”

“You have this desperate urge to spend money on things I want.”

Getting Up

I’ve heard that when you can’t sleep the best thing to do is to get up and watch TV or do something constructive. Sadly, TV in the middle of the night is so awful that I find myself ranting to the cats about the incredibly bland nonsense I am witnessing on the gazillion channels that I can see. I’ve tried writing a blog post – but that didn’t work either:

YOU’RE READING THE POST AND  I AM STILL AWAKE!!