It's Me ... Again

 Welcome to South Manchester on a cold and wet November morning. On days like this I think of Guns ‘n’ Roses song November Rain because that’s what it looks like outside. The rain is cold, the sky is overcast and it looks dark despite the fact that it is midday. 

We are descending inexorably towards winter like a runaway train, which means long cold nights, dull overcast days and lots of rain and stormy weather. 

I hate winter, I really do. 

Nevertheless, there are good things on the horizon. Christmas is just around the corner and I get to escape the inhospitable weather in late January because we are off to Malaysia and Hong Kong. It is all booked and paid for and we are off for jabs next week. 

Last night I was at yet another gig, this time I was with Mrs PM and we saw Heaven 17, a pop band from the early 1980’s who were big in the UK (not sure about the rest of the world). It was a real blast from the past and we thoroughly enjoyed it. Here is an example of their work. 

Let’s dive in and answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing. 

1. Has anyone ever told you "I love you" but you didn't say it back?

I have no idea. I hear people say “that’s why we love you” sometimes, usually when we are making fun of each other and it is nothing more than platonic tomfoolery. 

It’s a rare thing to hear somebody say “I love you” while staring deeply into your eyes. On those occasions I have actually said it back because they have been romantic situations. 

2. Do you consider yourself organized?

I am fairly organised but I can be totally disorganised. I usually know where everything is even in the chaotic parts of my house. I have several storage boxes in my loft clearly labelled to state what is inside (for example “University stuff”) and I have an “in tray” of sorts on my desk that looks disorganised but really is in a sort of chaotic order. Every so often I sort through it and put things in the places they belong. I know exactly where all of my important documents are and, for example, when I am going on a trip, I usually make sure that everything I need is ready at least a couple of days before the trip. 

3. Where do you look first when you go clothes shopping?

I tend to do my cloths shopping online these days and I usually dive in every couple of months to do this with a clear list of what I need to get. There is an exception though. My eldest son is getting married in December and I bought a new three piece suit specifically for that, which meant a trip to the shops. It was relatively easy but I realised when I was trying the thing on why I hate cloths shopping so much. 

4. Do you often reflect on your past in terms of eras or milestones ("it's been 10 years since X happened")?

I do this all the time. For example, we had a university reunion in Liverpool a couple of weeks ago and all of us were saying “It’s 41 years since we left university” and “I’ve known you for 45 years – how scary is that?”

It’s been 41 years since I started work and I retired exactly 40 years later to the actual day. You can probably work out with simple maths that I have been retired a year now. 

I will probably continue remembering my past life in terms of milestones. I think it’s the way my mind works. 

5. Were you more recently ill or injured (flu vs. twisted ankle)?

I was more recently ill – but not that ill. I had a cold a couple of weeks ago, the first one of winter. It was irritating but it didn’t stop me from doing anything. I’ve noticed a couple of people coughing recently so I imagine that another will appear in the winter months. 

Exposed

 

Welcome to a sunny South Manchester where sky is blue, the clouds are white yet the Autumn temperature is a chilly 8°C (46 °F). It’s been a busy weekend for me and that will culminate with my going to a gig this evening at the Manchester AO Arena. 

The band I am going to see is The Offspring. Do you remember them? If you don’t, here they are:

Enough of that. Let’s dive into some silly questions from Sunday Stealing. 

1. If you were an animal, what animal would you be?

I think that I would be some form of cat, either a domestic cat but more likely an apex predator like a lion. Either way, I think cats have a great life. In the house they are pampered by their owners (or should I say slaves) but in the wild, the rule their environment. I think life would be good in either case. 

2. Are you generous?

I am quite generous, yes. I’m not stupid about it but I like to help people in any way I can. 

3. Of the following, which consistently gives you the most pleasure: a) music, b) money, c) books, d) science, e) spirituality, f) food and wine, g) movies?

All of them give me immense pleasure apart from, perhaps, spirituality, because I am not that spiritual. I used to be, when I was a child (as a Roman Catholic), but I have a scientific and analytical mind and spirituality and religion don’t really fit into that way of thinking.   

Money allows me to enjoy all of them so really, I guess I could argue that without that I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the rest of them. But I am not a greedy person and while it is nice to have money, I do not actively seek to fill my coffers out of pure voracity. I just want enough to enjoy music, books, food, wine/beer and movies. 

4. Describe your dancing ability.

I was recently at a friend’s wedding and the bride came over to me during the after wedding party. She said “Why aren’t you dancing?”.

I wanted to say “Because the music is crap!” but I didn’t. I told her that I didn’t know the song, which was, strictly speaking true because it was some hip-hop R’n’B dancey tune that I couldn’t identify. 

“That doesn’t matter,” she replied grabbing my hand. 

I couldn’t refuse to dance with the bride now, could I? It was after all her big day. 

So I joined her on the dance floor and did my usual trick which to try to listen to the words and “act them out” in a silly manner. This was difficult because I didn’t really know the words. But then a new song came on that I knew. 

And I danced to it is a really silly way. 

The bride approached me and said “You have some good moves”.

I took that as a compliment but I was just joking around. 

My style of dancing has bitten me though. At a company Christmas party several years ago, I was a little merry and I found myself dancing with a group of people to “Like a Prayer” by Madonna. I started to dance out the words and one of my mates joined in the fun. 

And then the words “I’m down on my knees I want to take you there” came out, so we both plunged to our knees.

And it bloody hurt. 

I couldn’t get up for a few seconds. My mate, who is much younger and fitter than me was back up standing, laughing his head off. I managed to stand up and Mrs PM came over and told both of us off, him for laughing and me for being a bloody idiot. I limped off the dance floor like scolded puppy.

So, yes, I can dance. I dance like an idiot but in the chaos, there are some good moves (apparently).  

5. What do you think your worst enemy really thinks of you?

I have no idea who my worst enemy is. I am sure that there are people out there who don’t like me but if I sense that in people I avoid them. They probably think that I am a weird, geeky, boring idiot. And they are probably right. But I embrace that. I am not going to change for them. 

These days I don't really car what people think of me. 

6. Can you tell when someone is lying to you?

Sometimes. I have an analytical mind so I can sometimes spot contradictions and flaws when people are lying to me.

I heard recently that the best way to tell if someone is lying to you is to stay quiet and let them slowly dig themselves into a hole. I think, as a technique, it probably works. 

7. Describe how it feels to fall in love.

It feels amazing but I can’t really tell you any specifics. It kind of looms up on you and takes you by surprise. 

8. In deadly peril, what three people would you want in a foxhole with you?

I would choose survivalist specialist Bear Grylls because he would be able to keep us alive. I would choose a young Chuck Norris character because nobody messes with Chuck Norris. Finally I would choose a medical person to sort me out if I got injured. 

This gives me an excuse to dig out some Chuck Norris facts:

Chuck Norris died twenty years ago but the Grim Reaper is too scared to tell him.

Chuck Norris created a giraffe by uppercutting a horse. 

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity … twice

Chuck Norris is the only man who can punch you in the back of the face

9. What is your greatest weakness?

I battle constantly with procrastination, so much so that I have mentioned it a lot on this blog. 

10. If you were to live out the rest of your life as your favourite fictional character, which would you choose?

Probably somebody with super powers. I think that Harry Keogh from the Necroscope series of books by Brian Lumley. Basically, he can talk to the dead and has used that information to be able to be able to use maths and the Möbius Continuum to teleport anywhere and anywhen. Obviously I would want to be the human version before he was turned into arguably the world’s most dangerous vampire. 

See what I mean about being weird?

Madvertising

Can I just say something? No? 

Tough – I’m going to say it anyway. Here it is:

I am bloody sick of adverts.

There – I’ve said it. 

Back in the day when I was just a kid, I didn’t mind adverts too much. Some of them were funny, some of them were interesting and I regarded them as having a purpose other than just trying to sell stuff. As I grew older, I started to hate them but I know that they served a purpose for me, though this wasn’t the purpose that the marketers intended. 

Basically, when the adverts came on, I could take a break, go to the loo, make a cup of tea, etc. without missing my favourite TV programmes. With the advent of video recorders I could record TV programmes and watch them later at my own leisure and just skip the adverts. 

That made me happy. 

These days I can download TV programmes and movies to watch and I can stream them on a variety of streaming platforms. Initially I paid good money for this and as a result I got unblemished TV content that was commercial free.

That made me extremely happy.  

Recently, though, things have become really annoying. Streaming services have upped their game and started offering cheaper tariffs – but with a catch. That catch is that you are once again bombarded with commercials. In order to remove commercials I have to fork out a lot of money and this is on top of paying for my satellite/cable service and paying the mandatory TV Licence we have in the UK. 

What is the TV Licence? In the UK the British Broadcasting Company (BBC) is free of commercials because we the public have to pay an annual fee to watch it. Perhaps it was the first TV service of its kind. Even though I don’t watch the BBC as much as I used to, I still have to pay it. If you don’t pay for your TV licence, the powers that be, the TV police, can came along and either fine you £1000 (at the time of writing) or be further prosecuted. We have no choice. The money goes to the BBC who spend it on content. 

Now, if I watch something on Disney+ or Netflix with the cheaper subscription rate, I have to suffer mandatory commercials. You can’t skip them at all. Effectively I am paying to watch adverts and in order to remove them I am expected to pay a fortune. Given the number of streaming platforms, that can add up to a lot of money. 

However, these days adverts aren’t restricted to television. They are everywhere.

ABSOLUTELY EVERYWHERE! 

And I can’t get rid of them without paying a premium. Here are some examples:

They appear in the cinema before the movie you have paid to watch. You can avoid many of these by turning up later and hopefully missing all the adverts. 

They appear on the radio. I rarely listen to radio these days but when I do I choose BBC Radio 4, which is a news channel effectively but has no adverts. The reason I don’t listen to other stations is that most radio stations have a melange of three things that make my blood boil. First, the DJ’s are usually the kind of shiny happy people that seem to think all the listeners want to listen to their inane bullshit as they talk over records. Second, the music is not my kind of music and if by a miracle it is, the songs are spoiled and interrupted by jingles and bullshit from the DJ’s. Finally, the adverts on radio are the worst and are awful.

I watch You Tube a lot for free but this means that I have to endure adverts every couple of minutes. I like progressive rock music, which typically has longer songs and if I choose to watch, say, a Dream Theater video on You Tube that lasts 10 minutes, it is interrupted at least once with adverts. One time, I tried to use a You Tube mindfulness video to relax into to go to sleep and I was just nodding off when a bloody advert tried to persuade me to buy a new smart watch thus rendering useless the previous calming five minutes of relaxing music and guaranteeing that I was now wide awake and ranting like a banshee, which resulted in waking up Mrs PM and the cats and all the chaos that ensues when I am foolhardy enough to do that.

I am using Duolingo to help me to learn French, Spanish and German. The problem is that I spend more time watching terrible adverts for Temu and other useless apps than I do learning a new language.   

I am on Spotify and have paid for the full subscription to avoid commercials while listening to music. I am afraid that having my music interrupted by commercials is something I cannot endure. 

Other apps that I use also swamp me with terrible adverts. 

This infuriates me. 

I think we are all left with a choice. We either spend a fortune to avoid adverts or we suck it up and endure them. 

At this moment in my life, when I am a happy retired gentleman I have to learn to find the power within myself to endure these dreadful commercials because there is absolutely no way I am going to give any more of my hard-earned cash to corporations who seem to love creating the worst adverts to defecate onto my TV screen or smartphone. 

I have started making a cup of tea when the adverts come on streamed TV programmes. I have started looking at Spanish, French and German books in the minutes that are wasted by Duolingo’s adverts. 

I have found soothing commercial-free music on Spotify to help me on the way to sleep should I need to. 

I will get there but in the meantime there may be some rants along the way. 

Actually, as a final word, I can cope with spoof adverts. If there were more of these it would be much better. I’ll leave you with a couple: