Incomplete Thoughts

Welcome to a sunny and warm South Manchester, where the sun is shining from a blue sky with a few white clouds dotted around. Today my younger sister is visiting from Harrogate so I just have time to squeeze in a few silly questions from Sunday Stealing.  

Actually, as the title of this post suggests it’s more to do with completing some thoughts. Let’s dive in shall we. 

1. I wish someone would ...

I wish someone would grant me a thousand wishes. I wouldn’t abuse them I promise. 

Perhaps my first wish would be to force all politicians to actually tell the truth when they are so pompously and blatantly lying to our faces. This would make a good future blog post actually so watch this space. 

2. When I order Chinese food ...

When I order Chinese food I always suggest sharing the dishes that we order so that we can enjoy a variety of food. 

This is the only cuisine I do with this actually because my normal approach is this:

However, I love Chinese food (especially in China itself) so I am happy to sample the delights of other people’s dishes and allow them to sample mine. It’s hypocritical I know but then I’m not perfect by any means. 

3. I know it's not everyone's favourite activity, but I actually enjoy ...

I know it's not everyone's favourite activity, but I actually enjoy watching cricket. 

Since I retired, I have joined Lancashire Cricket Club which means that I can pop up to Old Trafford to watch cricket matches. I had a chat with a friend on WhatsApp about this and the conversation went like this: 

MATE: So how’s retirement?

PM: It’s great – I’ve got a few cricket matches booked.

MATE: Jeez!! Cricket???? If you’re that bored why don’t you come back to work?

PM: HA HA! I’d rather watch paint dry in a dark cellar than come back to work.

MATE: Watching paint dry is more interesting than watching cricket!!

I understand that a lot of people don’t like cricket but there is nothing more relaxing than watching a nice game of cricket on a sunny day with the occasional beer. I enjoy it and I will be renewing my membership next season too. 

5. A major pet peeve of mine is ...

A major pet peeve of mine is listening to people who bullshit about how good they are. 

You know the kind of people (we’ve all met them). Whatever you tell them you’ve been doing or have achieved, they have done the same thing better than you or they have made a bigger mess of it than you. 

It’s like a competition with them. I knew a bloke like this many years ago who used to tell tall stories and exaggerate to the point where he was unbelievable. 

One day there were four us on a site trip to Amsterdam and one of my mates said that he had been camping in the Lake District and had an encounter with a fox during the night. Mr Bullshit said: 

“That’s nothing. I was camping in Yosemite and on that trip, I had to hide from a bear. And as I hid, I heard screams. I went outside after ten minutes and found an unconscious bloke. I dragged him into my tent to keep him warm but when I woke up he was dead. I spent most of the night with a corpse.”

We didn’t believe him at all because this was a typical tall tale. The Lake District in the UK became Yosemite in the US, the fox became a bear and he threw in a corpse for good measure as a sort of icing on the cake. The more we scrutinised his story the more huge holes we found.

Later, that same evening, we saw a pinball machine in a bar. 

“I don’t want to play pinball,” he insisted. 

“Why not?” we asked. 

“Because I’m just too good – I’ll beat you all. I’ve won loads of money off  people because I’m so good.”

By this stage we were totally sick of his bullshit. We challenged him to play and eventually he gave in. One of our number had only played pinball once or twice and I was pretty poor too. We played three times each and each time Mr Bullshit finished last. Even the guy who had only played once or twice beat him easily. 

I have a few other tall tales he told but maybe I’ll save that for a separate post. 

6. I remember when my grandfather ...

I remember when my grandfather told me about his wartime experience. 

My dad’s dad was involved in World War II and was captured in Europe. My grandmother was told that he was missing in action and assumed the worst. When the war was over, he came back and turned up on the front door. Apparently he said “Hi love, I’m back.” 

My grandmother promptly fainted, so I was told. 

7. I am not fazed at all by ...

I am not fazed at all by the things people say about me. 

To be honest, I used to care a lot when I was younger but these days I have a thick skin and when somebody criticises me I just ignore it. I think it’s probably due to having worked with one or two over-critical managers over the years and in the end I used to ignore them completely. 

The vast majority of people I’ve had as managers have been amazing and some are still good mates. Nevertheless you get the odd one who doesn’t have a good word for anybody. 

It’s the “I’m better than you so I will say what I like and you will do it.” attitude that used to really annoy me. 

As my career progressed I stopped listening to such people and their opinions and started to fight back or just call them out or, best of all, just ignore them.

8. Long car rides ... 

Long car rides bore me to tears. 

In the UK most car rides are reasonably short. The longest one I have been on was from Manchester to Cornwall and that took hours and was tedious. But that is short compared to some in other countries. In Australia for example we drove from Brisbane to Sydney over several days, stopping off at various places. However, one day, we basically set off in the morning and arrived late at night and I was so bored even though I was in a different country. It’s the same in America. I love to travel but I hate getting there. 

9. I don't understand the fuss over ...

I don’t understand the fuss over the royal family. 

Some people in the UK get really upset when you criticise the royal family. They are human beings just like the rest of us and they are therefore subject to the same flaws that we all have. 

I don’t hate them; I just don’t get it and I certainly don't care what happens to them. . 

10. When I'm home alone ...

When I’m home alone, like I am now, I always find something to entertain the introvert inside of me. 

As I said, my sister is arriving later today and that is when I will unleash the extrovert. For now though, the introvert is in charge and when Mrs PM gets home later, he will pop back into his little room in my mind. 

I love the introvert.

The Motto Grotto

Welcome to a dreary and rainy South Manchester. I’ve been busy over the last week going to a gig, evenings out with friends and family and watching cricket so I am quite happy to have a boring Saturday to reset a little. 

And what better way to spice up things with a silly post answering silly questions from Sunday Stealing. 

1. What's your life's motto?

I don’t have one, but by the time I have finished this question I will have created one. I did spot some amusing ones when I looked on the internet for inspiration so I’ll share those with you first:

Don’t give up on your dreams – keep sleeping.

Arrive late. Get there as soon as you want to. 

Be happy. It drives people crazy. 

Age doesn’t matter – unless you are cheese.

Don’t be superstitious. But you can be a little stitious if you like.

Life’s too short to be normal so just stay weird.

Actually, I like that last one, mainly because I am a weirdo myself. I think life mottos are supposed to be uplifting and positive and, generally, I don’t go for these positive affirmations because they make me cringe. Here are some examples:

There is no one better to be than myself.

Today I choose to be confident.

I’m good enough, strong enough, brave enough, capable enough and smart enough.

The world is a great place because I am in it.

I can understand why people love them and why they work, but personally I find them a little condescending and irritating. See what I mean? I’m a weirdo. 

Anyway, I’ve had enough time to come up with my own life motto. Here it is:

Ignore people who don’t want to be your friend. It’s their loss not yours.

Actually, that makes me cringe inwardly too. Here’s another:

Laughter is your best friend. The world is a weird place and there is also something to laugh at, even when times are hard. 

2. Where were you living 13 years ago?

I was living in the same house as I do now. We moved in way back in May 2002. I remember the year because it was the year after the 9/11 attacks (see later). 

3. Is anyone jealous of you?

I seriously doubt it, though I think there are a few of my ex-work colleagues who are envious of the fact that I have retired. When I see them, I usually ask how they are and, invariably, they say “Well work is a little crap at the moment”

To which I reply: “What is this “work” of which you speak?”

They usually reply with an expletive filled sentence. I need to stop making fun of them. 

4. Where were you when you heard about the 9/11 terror attacks?

I was at work and it was in the afternoon UK time. 

I received a text message from a friend who rarely sends text messages, saying “An aeroplane has just hit the World Trade Center”. I mentioned it to my colleagues and we started chatting about it thinking that it was a tragic accident. However, another colleague shouted across “Another plane has hit the other tower”. 

We were shocked and we heard that management had the news on TV upstairs in the office boardroom, so I popped upstairs to see what was happening. We all stood there in shock at the terrible images as we watched events unfold on the BBC. 

I decided to leave work early and drove home to watch the coverage on BBC news only to discover the full extent of the horror. Mrs PM arrived home later and she too was shocked, especially when the two towers collapsed. 

It kind of hit home to me because two years earlier, Mrs PM and I had been to New York for New Year with a couple of friends. We stayed in Tribeca and could see the twin towers from our hotel bedroom. I remember walking down from the hotel to the Financial District and we actually had breakfast in a diner that was very close to the World Trade Center. We were going to go to the top of one of the towers but my fear of heights got the better of me and we didn’t bother. 

I love New York and the whole thing was very upsetting. I thought about all of the commuters we saw in the morning on their way to work and the police and firemen that we saw doing their jobs in the city. 

I remember The Square Diner, a little place in Tribeca where we had breakfast every other day we there, with the free refills of “cwoffee” (I love the New York accent). I remember being in Times Square to witness New Year 1999 in the freezing cold temperatures and then heading to an Irish bar nearby where we stayed until 2am. I remember seeing so many yellow taxi cabs in the wee small hours of the morning as we made our way back to the hotel. 

My heart was with New York and the people of America that day. And it still saddens me when I think about it, especially answering this question.

5. Do you consider yourself kind?

I am quite a kind person I think. I will always try to help friends and family and also people I don’t know if I can. Why wouldn’t you?

6. Can you change your car's oil?

Absolutely not. I can do half the job, which is add oil to the car. But changing the oil means crawling under the car and, I’ve heard, it can be tricky. I’d rather a qualified person at the garage do that. 

7. What's the last thing you heard about your first love?

I have made no effort to find out anything about my first real girlfriend. I was just an eighteen year old kid, getting ready to go to university and she was sixteen. We both lived in Walsall and my parents really liked her, especially my mum who thought that I would end up marrying her. Unfortunately it wasn’t to be and although we were together for a year, the prospect of leaving Walsall made me think deeply about our relationship. We had an argument and in the heat of the moment I ended the relationship, much to my mum’s disappointment. The last time I saw her was about three years later when I had returned from Liverpool for the summer. I bumped into her in a pub in Walsall and we exchanged pleasantries for a couple of minutes. I haven’t seen her since, nor have I tried to find out anything about her. 

8. Have you ever been burned by love?

Oh yes. At university I really liked a girl, who I will call X, and she ripped out my heart. The worst thing about it was that she did so in front of her best friend who kind of helped her to deliver the terrible news that she didn’t want to go out with me at all. I was devastated. 

Then about two years later, I was in a pub in Manchester and I saw a woman who I recognised from somewhere. She was with her boyfriend and, fuelled by a little alcohol, I plucked up the courage to ask her if we had ever met. She told me that she didn’t recognise me at all but then asked a little bit about me in case we perhaps had met before and forgotten. We both discovered that we were both at Liverpool University at the same time as was her boyfriend and we had a good conversation and reminisced about the time. Eventually she said:

“It’s a shame I didn’t know you at university. You’re a nice lad and I think we would have been good mates.”

And at that moment, I suddenly recognised her. And I was filled with horror. It was X’s best friend, the one who had laughed when X tore my heart out and threw it to her hellhounds as a chew toy:

At that point, I made an excuse to leave and we shook hands and I somehow managed to smile as those feelings of rejection resurfaced. 

That was almost four decades ago. Wow – that makes me feel so old. 

9. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?

I went to a horse race meeting at Haydock Park a couple of weeks ago and I paid for my seven bets with cash. I’m not a gambler really but it is fun. I ended up losing just £10, so it wasn’t that bad a day. It could have been worse. 

10. Do you hug your friends?

Yes, generally I do, both male and female. I usually leave it to the other person to choose, especially if they are female. 

Odd Ones

 

Generally I don’t like power ballads. To be honest, I don’t know what constitutes a power ballad because different people define them differently. According to a definition I found: 

A power ballad is a slow rock song with a strong, emotional vocal delivery and typically a grandiose production.

Since the 1980’s almost all rock bands I love have produced at least one of these songs. I recently went to an open air tribute band festival where there was a Def Leppard tribute who apologised to the audience for playing two power ballads. I must admit that I used that time to have a comfort break because as much as I love the band, I am not a fan of their power ballads. It’s the same story with other bands too. 

Power ballads are very popular and sometimes the most popular songs by certain bands fall into that category. People who don’t generally like heavy metal or hard rock find power ballads by such bands acceptable because the songs drift more towards their taste. 

A good example of this is a female member of my extended family, who shall remain nameless and hates my music with a passion. She is an elderly lady in her mid 70’s, and she loves boy bands and her favourite artist is Barry Manilow. She claims to be a “Fanilow” and has dragged her poor husband to see him on a couple of occasions. When we visit her, she always makes a point of putting on music by Take That to wind me up (because I despise them). Last Christmas we were in a car with her and just to completely irritate me, she put on “Stay” by East 17 which made me feel like opening the door and taking my chances with the leaping out of the car travelling at 50mph – anything to rid my brain of that dreadful song. 

I think you get the idea – there is no intersection whatsoever in our musical taste. 

Or at least I didn’t think so. A couple of years ago, she declared that she likes a song by “one of those awful bands that you like, Dave”.

I laughed and told her that was impossible, but then she put it on. It was “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” by Aerosmith. 

Now I love Aerosmith and have seen them live about three times – but I am not a fan of this power ballad at all and suffice it to say, I returned the wind up by telling her that they did a lot of songs like that. She allowed me to play “Dude Looks Like a Lady” which definitely is not a power ballad. I laughed as she ordered me to turn it off. 

Nevertheless, there are some power ballads that I like. My musical taste is actually pretty eclectic and my motto is that if a song appeals to me in any way I will listen to it whatever genre it is. This is the basis of the now ever-increasing overlap between my taste in music and Mrs PM’s that has created a massive Spotify play list. 

We always thought that our two tastes were mutually exclusive but the Covid pandemic proved both of us wrong. This is why I am going to see one of Mrs PM’s favourite bands, called Massive Attack and the brand new Coop Live indoor arena in Manchester this Thursday evening. It is the biggest indoor arena in the UK and it only opened last year. I haven’t been yet and I can’t believe that my first gig will be one of Mrs PM’s favourite artists.

Here is a song that I like by the band (in case you haven’t heard of them). It’s an ambient electronic song, which is a genre I quite like, and it’s called “Teardrop”:

Now to the point of this post. As I said above, there are a few power ballads that I like so I thought I would share them with you. I generally find power ballads are too mushy, especially those by the likes of Bon Jovi who love to sing about love and give me the urge to find a vomit bag. None of the ones below are about love, but they are beautiful songs. 

I hope you like these odd ones.

The first is a beautiful song called “The Answer Lies Within” by Dream Theater which is about finding courage within yourself and learning from your setbacks to make you stronger.

Next is Devin Townsend singing “Spirits Will Collide” which has the same subject matter as the previous one. 

Next is Riverside with the great title “Lost (Why Should I Be Frightened By a Hat?)” which talks about moving forward having reflected on one’s past. 

Next is Queensrÿche with “Silent Lucidity”, which at first listen seems to be an uplifting song about supporting somebody who has problems but is really a song about controlling people’s dreams. 

Finally, a beautiful song by Steven Wilson called “Deform to Form a Star”. I have no idea what it is about but I do know that it isn’t about love.

I think this goes to prove that I will give some bands a chance (apart from Take That or Barry Manilow of course). 

10 Things

Welcome to South Manchester on a sunny Sunday afternoon. Yesterday I went to my first cricket match of the season so I thought I would find a little time today to write a blog post from Sunday Stealing having just been to the cinema to watch the latest Mission Impossible film. 

It’s been a busy May with a lot of things going on and June looks like it is going to be the same. It involves cricket, gigs and a trip to the South of France, which I will undoubtedly talk more about in the coming weeks. 

For now, however, let’s dive in with silly questions. 

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?

Every single one of them. Tell me: who actually enjoys paying bills? There are a lot of bills, especially household ones and largely they are automatically paid, which means that I don’t see them arrive nor do I see the money depart. However, the ones that appear out of the blue are quite annoying, for example anything to do with the car, balance payments for holidays, surprise household bills. 

We seem to be having a bit of bad luck at the moment in terms of surprise household bills. The toaster has just decided to shuffle off this mortal coil, the catch on the glove compartment of my car has failed and various other things are going wrong. It’s not much in the grand scheme of things and Mrs PM and I do prepare for such issues. Nevertheless they are still annoying. 

I guess the answer to this question is that I hate paying surprise bills the most. 

2. Which restaurant would you recommend for a romantic dinner?

I know quite a few restaurants but we always tend to go to a little place called No. 4,  which is tucked away in a little cobbled side street. It’s quite intimate and the food is very good. We usually go there on birthdays or if we just fancy a treat. 

3. Who was your first grade teacher?

In the UK school years have changed since I was a kid. The equivalent of first grade is called “Year 2” here but back when I was at school it was called something else. Anyway, I believe first grade is for kids aged 6 to 7 and I think my teacher was called Mrs McConville who, at the time, was considered a little fierce. 

I went to a Catholic infants and junior school that was associated with and stood next door to a Catholic church. I was quite a bright kid and I have vague memories of being ahead of almost all kids in my class, which meant that she actually quite liked me. 

In later years I wasn’t the best behaved child but back at the age of 6 or 7 I was a model pupil. Mrs McConville quite liked that and I have fond memories of her. I may have had a different opinion had she been fierce with me though. 

4. What should you be doing right now?

I am doing exactly what I should be doing - writing this post. I have completed a few chores today and been to the cinema so I intend to finish this just in time for dinner followed by a relaxing Sunday evening. 

5. What did you want to be when you were growing up?

I had thoughts about being an astronaut and that’s the only thing I recall wanting to do. Of course, reality kicked in and I realised that being an astronaut was too difficult and too scary. From that moment on I had no idea what I wanted to be and ended up relying on my academic strengths to guide me. 

6. How did you choose the shirt you're wearing right now?

I am wearing a T-shirt and I chose it on a clothing store web site because I liked the colour. 

7. Gas prices! What's your first thought?

In the UK, “gas” is known as petrol so I assume that you are talking about that rather than the gas that is used on a gas cooker or a gas fire. To be honest, when I first went to America, I found it funny that they referred to “gas stations” and filling up at such a place was a little strange. In the UK we call them “petrol stations”. 

Petrol prices in the UK are exorbitant and I have always hated them. There is a term called “rip-off Britain” covering how things can be overpriced here compared to the rest of the world and petrol or “gas” is one of the biggest offenders. When I was working in Oman, I was shocked at how cheap petrol was over there. Here is a comparison of the average prices per country (converting to US dollars and using UK gallons as on 1st June 2025). 

In Oman you pay $2.82.

In the USA you pay $4.21.

In Australia you pay $4.69.

In the UK you pay (wait for it) $8.13.

There are more expensive countries (but not many). For example:

In Italy you pay $8.83.

In Switzerland you pay $9.41. 

The most expensive is Hong Kong which is a whopping $15.63. 

The cheapest is Libya, which is $0.12.

So my first thoughts are “overpriced” and “Bloody rip off!”

8. Do you have a teddy bear?

No. I haven’t had a teddy bear since I was about three years old. To be honest, I would be worried about myself if at the age of 62 I was still taking a teddy bear to bed or in fact still owned one. 

9. Do you own the last book you read, or did you get it from the library?

Funnily enough, I am thinking of rejoining the Manchester Library because it offers many other services outside the simple lending of books. I own a Kindle because I read a lot and travel a lot and  books are heavy in luggage. I own all of the books that I read these days but they are stored on a Kindle which means that I can store a huge number that Mrs PM can’t force me to get rid of.

10. Did you more recently send a text or write a Post It?

I don’t really send text messages anymore nor do I use Post It’s. I think the last time I used a Post It was when I was a couple of years ago with work. These days I use WhatsApp an awful lot, and I guess that counts as texting. 

8 Things

Welcome to a sunny Friday afternoon in South Manchester where we are in a bit of a dry spell, after a wonderful April and May with little rain and wall to wall sunshine (with one or two exceptions where it was cloudy). 

I’ve been away for a while to Malta, with Mrs PM and her mum, as it is her 80th birthday in a week or so. We stayed in Valletta, which is the capital, and did a lot of sight-seeing and exploration. It was my second trip the Malta, the first being a few years ago where we stayed in the north of the island in the town of Mellieħa. 

It’s a lovely place with a rich and varied history and well worth a visit. 

Let’s dive into some silly questions from Sunday Stealing which this week tries to expose a few things about me. 

1. What habit do you wish you could break?

There are several that I would like to break, chief amongst them being procrastination, which I am slowly managing to do, now that I have more time on my hands. There are still moments during this war that I choose to give in but I am getting there – slowly.

My other major habit that I want to rid myself of is caring to much about the news. I used to rant mercilessly and now I try not to do it. But whenever I see the news I find that I am starting to fume about it. All I want to know is what is going on in the world but almost every day there is something going on that is either related to the Israel war, or the Ukraine war or a consequence of the malignant narcissism of the Orange Goblin that is currently running amok in the United States. 

I won’t bore you with my views on that (I think you can guess), which is a step in the right direction I suppose. 

2. Where is your favourite vacation spot?

I have a couple of places. 

In Asia, it is Hong Kong and we are planning to go there again next year on the way back from Malaysia. 

In Europe, I love the coast of Andalusia, especially Marbella. We haven’t visited that lovely coastal town for a while so hopefully we will try next year. Also, I love the city of Nice in the Provence-Alpes-Côte d'Azur region of France. It is a great city in its won right but it is also a centre for exploring other wonderful places like Cannes, Antibes and Monaco. In fact we are going there again next month for a week. 

In other places, I love New York, Toronto and San Francisco and, of course, Japan which is the weirdest yet most exciting place I have been to. 

3. How many years of formal education have you completed?

I started school aged 5 back in 1967 at a Catholic infants school and then progressed to the junior school until 1974, when I enrolled at a grammar school in Walsall, where I remained until I was 18 years old. After I left, I went to Liverpool University for three years, leaving in 1984. I guess that means that I had 17 years of formal education. 

4. Have you ever had a job that required you be certified or licensed?

No, but my job did require a degree in IT. Of course as part of my job it was possible to become certified in various products in order to advance your career. 

5. Do you enjoy camping?

I’ve only ever camped in the back garden once as a child and I didn’t particularly enjoy it. I have never been since, nor am I tempted to.

6. Tell us about a time you got away with something.

I once accidentally sent an internal email describing a problem on a customer’s system to the customer himself with the final line “Under no circumstances should we tell the customer about this until we have figured out a way to fix the problem.”

When I realised what I had done, I quickly reworded that final line to be “We should tell the customer about this problem as soon as possible and inform them about the work around to avoid the issue.”

The customer read just the second email (which had the same title as the first one) and then replied to me saying “Thanks for being so honest with us.”

That was a really near miss. 

7. Where have you lived the longest, and what do/did you like best about it?

My current house in South Manchester is the pace where I have lived the longest. This month marks the 23rd anniversary of moving in. The location is ideally placed with a fast route into the centre of the city and it is also close enough to the Cheshire countryside, which begins about 20 minutes away in a car. I am also about five miles from Manchester Airport, which is very convenient for travel. 

8. When you were a kid, were more of your playmates boys or girls?

I had friends from both sexes but they were mostly boys I think, as I liked to play football and other sports. Over my years in Walsall, like most kids there, we tended to flit between groups of mates, both male and female. 

Billy No Mates

I have been Billy No Mates in the past.

You might wonder whether this is just another silly name I have invented for myself. It’s not really.

In the UK (and possibly other places) becoming “Billy No Mates” refers to situations where you find yourself on your own in a pub, in a restaurant, at a gig or some other social gathering potentially feeling self-conscious because, in your head, you think that everybody else enjoying the company other people and when they see you sitting on your own in the corner, they will laugh or feel sorry for you. 

“Look at him. He’s got no friends. HA HA HA!”

“I feel sorry for old Bill No Mates in the corner there on his own.”

The thing is that work sometimes made sure that it was difficult to avoid becoming Billy No Mates before I retired. I may have mentioned that I used to work on airport IT systems, which meant that I was often asked to fly abroad for days and sometimes weeks at a time to work with the system on site. Most of the time, I travelled with colleagues and a lot of the time, I was entertained by the customers concerned. I don’t mean that they got up and started singing and dancing – they just took me out for meals. 

However, sometimes it was just me. 

When I started travelling abroad I was still quite shy and reserved and if I ended up on my own in those early years, I was tempted to simply go to McDonalds and take my Big Mac Meal back to my lonely old hotel room and sit there on my bed munching away and feeling sorry for myself. The problem was that I had a meal allowance and as time went on I started thinking to myself that perhaps I should take advantage of this and go out to a restaurant. 

And so I did and over the years, as Billy No Mates, I’ve actually just enjoyed meals in sometimes crowded places, watching other people, listening to other conversations and not feeling that self-conscious at all. There comes a point when you realise that being Billy No Mates in such situations is fine and also can be enjoyable. 

Initially, when I plucked up the courage to do it, I used to take a book with me and read it while I was waiting for my meal. That all stopped on a trip to Toronto, Canada. I had the weekend off so, as Billy No Mates, I decided to spend Saturday exploring Toronto and Sunday exploring Niagara Falls. On Saturday, I forgot my book, which was annoying at first, but then I realised that having lunch in a coffee shop and a lovely evening meal in a lively Toronto restaurant was actually just as enjoyable as getting lost in a good book. The restaurant I chose in Toronto had a lively bar attached to it, and I thoroughly enjoyed sampling a couple of Canadian beers and just people watching as I ate. Nobody stared at me and nobody laughed. In fact, the waiters and waitresses stopped to chat a couple of times. 

On Sunday, I spent the whole day in Niagara and had a great lunch. On the way back, an old lady sat next to me on the bus (which was really a special airport taxi) and gave me her life story. She was going back to the UK for the first time for fifty years and was very nervous about it. I did my best to reassure her and, when we arrived at the airport, where I was also staying, I took her to the check-in desks and made sure that she got a boarding pass. She took me for a coffee by way of thanks and I escorted her to the departure lounge. She was most grateful.

I’ve even been on my own in Moscow in the middle of winter. During the three week trip, I was staying at an airport miles away from the city but close enough to get there by train. Armed with my Russian phrasebook, I managed to catch a train and navigate the amazing underground subway system. I found a Mexican restaurant I had been to before with a colleague on a previous trip, and I enjoyed a lovely Mexican meal while watching a live Russian band performing rock music, all washed down with a couple of Baltika beers. There was even an argument in there between a couple and although I couldn’t understand a single word they were saying, it was entertaining. 

All this brings me to the point of this post, which I am reaching in a roundabout way. 

One thing that helps if you find yourself on your own in a pub or restaurant, whether you are actively being Billy No Mates or just waiting for somebody who is delayed, is to have your phone with you. I recall one night when I was in Hong Kong alone, again on a work trip, when I decided to go to a couple of places where Mrs PM had been to when we lived there for three months. In fact it was my very last work trip to Hong Kong. This was not a smartphone but it had a camera and a couple of games so it kind of passed the time. Mrs PM and I would go to a bar called Delaney’s in Wan Chai and then have a meal in a Mexican restaurant called La Placita in Causeway Bay. For old times sake, I wandered into Delaney’s only to find that the bar had moved. I sat at the bar with a beer and chatted to Mrs PM via text. It felt like I wasn’t alone at all. Later, I went to find La Placita but it too had closed. Instead I went to an American diner we had visited a couple of times and again, I chatted via text to Mrs PM, saying how disappointed I was that La Placita was closed. And I was barely aware that I was Billy No Mates – even though I was. 

Since then, phone technology has exploded and just about everybody you see has one. They are far more than just a phone and almost everybody has become reliant on them – myself included. However, this appears to have had a negative effect. What you see now is people in bars and restaurants spending their time engrossed in their phones even when they are with people. It seems a lot of people want to become Billy No Mates, ironically even if they are with their mates. 

I’ve mentioned this before but there was one recent example I saw in a local pub. Three young people were sitting at a table and they were clearly together. All of them were totally absorbed in whatever was on their phones and nobody was talking, that is until one of them ran out of beer and asked whose round it was. They all chose to be Billy No Mates even though they were together. What was the point of being out with friends if all you can do is spend your time on your phone?

It’s crazy. 

I still become Billy No Mates occasionally these days and when I do I use my smartphone to entertain me if necessary. But if I am waiting for a friend in a pub, say, the phone is returned to my pocket the very moment they arrive. 

These days, the only time I become Billy No Mates is when I am waiting for somebody or on public transport on my own. That said, I am quite happy to go to the cinema on my own for example. The same applies to rock concerts. I have a group of mates who all love a bit of rock music and we tend to all go together but occasionally I have to go on my own if the band concerned is more progressive. And I don’t mind that either. For example I have in recent years happily become Billy No Mates to see Riverside, Rush, Porcupine Tree and Dream Theater because I’m the only one out of our group that likes them.

I guess the moral of the post is that It's okay to become Billy No Mates but I’m not sure that becoming Billy No Mates when you are out with friends because of your smartphone is cool really. 

You can’t beat a real conversation with a human being. 

Truth or Dare

Welcome to a cloudy but warm South Manchester. According to the weather forecast the weather is going to improve further next week so that’s something to look forward to. I’m off to a see a David Bowie tribute act tonight, which should be fun. I had the chance to see David Bowie in person way back when he did his Glass Spider tour and, like an idiot, I decided against it. In terms of gigs, it is one of my biggest regrets. 

Shall we answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1. What's the most daring thing you've ever done? Did it take physical or emotional courage?

I climbed the Sydney Harbour Bridge and it took a lot of courage because I am terrified of heights. This was back in 2005 and we were in Australia with Mrs PM’s mum and her other half. Mrs PM said she was going to do it on her own but Mrs PM’s mum suggested that I go with her. I resisted at first and when Mrs PM’s mum tried to persuade me more, I suggested that she go instead. 

Mrs PM is a very determined woman and once she has something in her mind she will almost always follow through. She was going to go anyway. Mrs PM’s mum eventually succeeded in making me feel guilty and all the way there I was having second thoughts. Mrs PM told me I didn’t have to go but I was stupid and went for it. After all, my insane mind told me, this is an achievement that I can boast about. 

Except I haven’t boasted about it at all. Whenever I tell people about it, I tell the absolute truth. The whole experience terrified me and if I could go back in time, I would never do such a stupid thing again. 

The worst thing about it was that they had to cater for various levels of fitness so the whole thing took three hours. I was quite fit at the time and it frustrated me that we were going so slowly. I would have preferred to just climb it in my own time but we kept stopping and looking around, which made my heart almost explode from my chest every single time. 

Did it take physical courage? No – not at all. It wasn’t difficult physically and even now, 23 years later, I feel I could easily endure the physical side of it. 

Did it take emotional courage? Absolutely. I was shitting my pants all the way up to the top and all the way down. I gripped Mrs PM’s hand and shoulders all the way (except for when we were climbing ladders). I told the guide that I loved the experience, lying through my teeth, and told him repeatedly that I was perfectly fine. The reality was that my apparent cool and calm exterior hid a mess of terror and adrenalized insanity. 

I hated every second of it. 

And when it was all over and I found myself on solid ground again, I grabbed Mrs PM’s hand and dragged her down to the nearest pub I could find, in The Rocks area, near the bridge. I pushed in at the bar and said “Give me a beer – any beer – and a BIG ONE!”

And armed with a cool beer, my fear gradually dissipated with the adrenaline, and this song came on the juke box:

At that moment, sitting there with a cold beer and Mrs PM, who was actually quite worried about me for a while, I felt more relief and happiness than I ever have. 

And “Hey Little Girl” reminds me of that feeling. It is one of my favourite songs of all time. 

Am I glad I did it? Yes – just to say I achieved it – but I will never ever ever EVER do anything so stupid again in my life.

2. Where did you meet the love of your life?

Mrs PM and I worked together for a couple of years. We were on the same team working on a project for Hong Kong’s Chek Lap Kok airport and eventually we ended up on in Hong Kong together. I had visited Hong Kong many times before this particular trip but it was Mrs PM’s first trip abroad in a working capacity. We were there for three weeks and the inevitable happened when she told me her feelings. This is why Hong Kong is a special place for us and why we try to go back there as often as we can.

3. What brand/flavour of coffee are you drinking these days?

I don’t drink that much coffee to be honest and when I do it is decaffeinated. An Australian friend of mine calls it “What’s the Point?” as in what’s the point of drinking decaffeinated coffee. I am weird in the sense that I still like the taste of coffee. 

Usually I drink Kenco instant coffee but if I fancy a cup of the real stuff I will choose Lavazza Italian decaffeinated coffee grounds. 

4. What's the coolest place you've ever visited and how did you get there (car, plane, motorcycle, etc.)?

I have travelled to 40 different countries and to be perfectly honest with you it is very difficult to select a coolest place from them all. I have seen many different cool things all of which have been amazing. 

It would be remiss of me to pick just one, but I have to say that when I consider weirdness, culture shock, slightly eccentric and just exciting in so many ways, I will say that Japan is probably the coolest place I have been. 

I love the Far East and we are planning to go to Malaysia next year, with a trip possibly to South Korea and Japan again a couple of years after that. 

How did I get there? I walked. Not really, I flew from Hong Kong to Tokyo, having spent a couple of days in Hong Kong, which we reached in a plane but this time from Manchester via Munich in Germany. 

5. What's the best concert you ever attended?

This is another difficult question because I have been to countless concerts. My favourite genre is Progressive Rock but I also like Heavy Metal and my eclectic taste stretches to pop music, electronic ambience and even classical music. 

I have seen bands as diverse as Rush, Metallica, the Stranglers, the Human League, Bruce Springsteen, Gary Numan, New Order and Alison Goldfrapp.

When I looked at this question I decided to list the first concert that came to mind and that was German Industrial Metal Band, Rammstein.

The band sings in their native German and despite that, they are very popular amongst the metal community worldwide, selling out concerts in Europe, the UK and America, playing in vast arenas to thousands of people. Their shows involve huge pyrotechnics that make the show incredible even if you aren’t into the music or don’t understand the lyrics. In their native Germany they are very controversial because they sing about very provocative topics. For example, here is an amusing video about the cult of plastic surgery and body enhancements in the world or celebrity:

I have seen them three times but the best one was the last time in the Manchester Arena for their greatest hits tour. I speak a little German and am currently trying to improve it, so I understand why they are so controversial.

When they are live, there is fire everywhere, even on the band members themselves. Here is an example. This song is called Benzin and if you fast forward and watch from about 4:00 you will see what happens to a man in a hoody who “invades” the stage.

And that is one of the less controversial things they do. 

All round good entertainment for people who love that kind of music. 

Bubbles

Like all human beings on Earth, I live in a body that allows me to physically move around the planet. At the moment this fleshy vehicle is still in working order although it is quite old and slightly world-weary (it is 62 years old after all). Nevertheless, it is useful for getting me from place to place and is still good enough to do so with minimal trauma, as long as I don’t try to overdo it. 

Similarly, and again like all human beings, I live in a mental bubble. This bubble allows me to take in inputs from a variety of sources and compute the best reaction and also dictate what I do. It contains my view of the world, my opinions and helps me navigate and utilise my body. 

I like to think that I am aware of the veracity of the information contained in the bubble and that by and large everything in there is based on the truth as perceived by my intelligence, awareness and how I process the vast quantities of information that have to be processed within on a second by second basis.

In this regard, in the same way as our bodies, no two individuals have the same bubble. Every person has his or her view of the world based on how the information has been processed. Yet, we all think that our own view of the world is the only one that is one hundred percent correct. I am guilty of this and, unlike some people, I like to think that I could possibly be wrong about some things. 

One of the biggest challenges to most people is social media which gives everybody who embraces it access to what is going on inside the bubbles of other people. I struggle with this sometimes because I don’t like to be swayed by things for which I have no proof. I would rather spend my time learning about facts and judge things based on them. 

A good example of what I am talking about is music. I always chuckle when an album is released by an artist I have never heard of that is portrayed as the best thing ever recorded: 

“The greatest singer/songwriter of our age bares his soul in a soaring new release”. 

Really? I am willing to listen to such albums out of interest but I would never spend money on such a thing unless I actually liked it myself. 

It’s the same with movies: 

“This movie is a phenomenal triumph”

Really? Why did it only score 1.6 on IMDB?

Ultimately it is all a matter of personal choice. 

What I don’t understand is the concept of “influencers”. I have seen people describe themselves as “influencers” and I daresay that there are some people who really are influenced by them but I don’t get it. I certainly don’t let such people influence me. There are a lot of people who I admire for being good actors, musicians, singers, authors etc. but I don’t follow their life choices or allow my own bubble to blindly be manipulated by the so-called “truth” that comes from their bubble. A lot of people allow this to happen and I find that bizarre. 

I can’t be a copycat for a rock star for example. Some of my musical heroes have been wild men who think they are indestructible and abuse their bodies in ways that are shocking. For example, I admire Ozzy Osbourne because of his music, yet if I had adopted his hedonistic attitude towards drugs and booze, I probably wouldn’t be here to write this post. Besides, I don’t like all of his music, just certain aspects of it. 

I know people who have followed “influencers” and adopted aspects of their dress sense, their musical taste and their political views. Some “influencers” also spread bullshit about everything from finances, health and conspiracy. And gullible people buy it all. 

As I was approaching retirement, I started looking into potential new hobbies that I could take up over the next few years and I have a list of some very interesting ones such as genealogy, wine tasting, photography etc. and I have several that I probably will take up when I get bored of my current hobbies. 

One caught my eye and it made me laugh: become a social media influencer. 

Really? At my age? I did some research on this and discovered to my amusement that there really are old influencers who have decided to use their life experiences to earn money from social media. I can partly see the point of that if they are offering their experience as a guide and, to be honest, I think that there is probably some wisdom from people my age who have seen and done a lot. 

I would never do that. But then again, isn’t blogging a form of social media. I have been blogging since 2008. Mostly the stuff I hurl out there into cyberspace is total horseshit – but am I trying to influence people – even subconsciously? 

Is my little bubble casting out a net in order to ensnare other more gullible bubbles and lead them stray? 

Am I a colossal hypocrite? 

The answer is of course, no (although the caveat to that is that I am a hypocrite in other ways; I’m just not an “influencer”). 

My aim is to fling my nonsense into cyberspace in the hope that my words will cheer somebody up or bring a little smile to somebody's face. 

That is all. 

The thought of myself being an “influencer” fills me with horror and makes me laugh out loud. If, as a result of reading this blog, you become a weirdo who wants to travel a lot, move to Manchester, listen to progressive rock and metal, rant a lot about politics and many other subjects while supporting a useless football team in League Two then you probably need help. 

Having said that, based on some of the comments I have received over the years, most people who stumble on this blog disagree with a lot of the aspects of my thought processes.

And that is the way it should be, dear reader. 

Be the unique person you are and be yourself. 

Don’t let anybody burst your bubble.

I’ll leave you with a song by Steven Wilson about following “Influencers”.

Old Man Hoodie

Welcome to a beautiful day in South Manchester. The weather has been odd recently because we have had wall to wall sunshine in the last two weeks with higher than average temperatures. This has made my morning walks very enjoyable indeed. Sadly it will end on Sunday when rain is forecast. 

Last weekend we were in York with my two lads and the weather was fantastic. I love York and we don’t go there often enough in my opinion. We were pure tourists on Saturday, walking along the Shambles, visiting bookshops, sight-seeing and taking photographs of the Minster as well as throwing ourselves into the Jorvik centre where I gazed upon what York was like under Vikings in the year 1000. I am blond with blue eyes so maybe my ancestors were Vikings. I must make a mental note to get my DNA tested. 

Shall we answer some daft questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1. Do you own a pair of cargo pants?

No – I own two pairs of cargo pants. I must admit that I only bought them recently with a view to wearing them around the house instead of jeans but I do like them, I have to say. I think perhaps they are more fitting for a person younger than me but they are comfortable. 

On the same subject, just before I retired, the company insisted on giving everybody a company hoodie. I was leaving so I respectfully declined it. They insisted that I keep it so I reluctantly took it, vowing never to wear it. I planned to put it in the loft as a souvenir of working there. However, for a laugh, I wore it on my last day in the office and I have to say that I thought it was amazing. It was comfortable and really warm. 

And now, seven months after I retired, I still wear it around the house (I would never wear it outside because it advertises the company and makes me look like a huge geek). Moreover, I liked it so much that I bought two more hoodies. 

I have a couple of mates who I go to gigs with, one in his sixties and one in his fifties, and both of them wear hoodies with band logos on them. I think they look okay but one of them has been chastised by his wife for wearing a hoodie and cargo pants. “You look like a ten year old!” she said. 

I say – who cares? 

2. Which of these gifts from a romantic partner would please you most: a) jewellery, b) wine, c) a book, d) something grown in his/her garden?

I have bought jewellery, wine and books for Mrs PM over the years. 

Books and wine are easy because I know what she likes. However, buying jewellery for her is a nightmare. Her mum once bought her a ring and when she unwrapped it, I must admit I thought the ring was really nice, so much so that I told Mrs PM. She looked at me as if I had just crawled out of a primeval swamp. 

“It’s horrible,” she said. 

I was aware that I had bought her jewellery in the past without showing it to her first and I know that was a mistake. It was a response to “Surprise me!” when I asked what she wanted for Christmas. She still has the surprise jewellery that I bought her but I don’t think she wears it often. As for the ring, she gave it back to her mum to change and her mum ended up keeping it. Despite what Mrs PM said, I still like it and I backed her mum in this case. It is also the reason why I do not buy Mrs PM surprises any more and if she wants jewellery, she has to pick it herself and send me a link. 

That keeps us both happy. 

3. Who was the last person to toss a harsh word or phrase your way? Do you think that maybe you had it coming?

It was undoubtedly Mrs PM and I almost certainly absolutely deserved it. 

4. Did you appear in any plays back when you were in school? If yes, what role(s) did you play? Earn extra, non-existent points for sharing any of your dialogue.

Yes. I appeared in three plays, all of which occurred between the ages of eight and ten. 

The first was co-written by myself and friend and was a typical good guy/bad guy play set in a Western setting and was absolutely dreadful. I played a sheriff complete with cowboy hat and plastic holster and gun. We bought caps especially for it and had a shoot out in the saloon complete with tomato ketchup for special effects. 

The second was Sleeping Beauty and I played the Prince. I had to kiss the princess (poor girl) and she struggled not to laugh as I approached her. 

The third was Alice in Wonderland and I played gryphon, complete with a cloak acting as wings, a balaclava with a huge cardboard beak sewn onto the top and hundreds of bright yellow crepe paper  feathers stuck to the cloak, balaclava and my shirt to complete the effect. I had to sing a song with Alice and the Mock Turtle. And, yes, I do recall one line and the some of the song lyrics.

Lines:

“Hello, is your name Alice? I'm the Gryphon and I’ve come here to take you to see the Mock Turtle”.

Song Lyrics:

“Beautiful Soup! Beautiful Soup! Soup, soup of the evening! Beautiful beautiful soup!”

Do I get extra non-existent points?

5. Which Osmond do you like better: Donny or Marie?

That’s like choosing between having you toenails or your fingernails removed with pliers.

The elder of my two sisters loved them both and I often had to hear her bellowing:

“PAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPEEERRRRRRR ROOOOSSSSEEESSSS!”

or

“This is not a Puppy Love!”

I hated both of them. However, I do have an answer. I think I would say Donny Osmond but only because he appears on this song, which I love:

6. Who is your favourite radio host or podcaster?

I don’t have one. However, back in the day when I used to actually listen to the radio, I liked two DJ’s who played music that didn’t fit in with the normal tosh they played. 

Those guys were Tommy Vance (or as he declared himself to be “TV on the Radio”). He was the DJ for “The Friday Rock Show” on BBC Radio One and he was allowed to play all manner of rock and metal songs that never would have been played normally. This show was on at 10pm on a Friday night and I used to listen to it religiously along with thousands of other budding metalheads. Over the years he gradually rose to prominence and eventually presented the prestigious Top 40 radio show where he loved to play the full versions of any rock song that crept into the charts, including the full version of Lynyrd Skynyrd’s amazing Freebird. 

The second was the legendary John Peel. Apparently he had a huge record collection and everything he played on his show was from that collection. His taste was varied from the Beatles to extreme metal band Napalm Death and he basically just played what he liked and was very forthright in his views on all manner of music. Like Tommy Vance, he too was relegated to late night slots.

7. Is your personal workspace filled with fluffy, plastic wind-up, rubbery or edible items? Or are you all business and clutter free?

My desk at home has three really stupid things that my youngest lad Mike bought me for Christmas. The first is a Groot light and the other two are Rubik’s cubes. 

They look ridiculous but who cares?

The Static Man

Welcome to a cloudy but pleasant South Manchester. I thought I would have a go at Sunday Stealing  which has taken a bit of a break over the last couple of months. It’s a fun diversion to answer some daft questions so let’s dive straight in shall we?

1. What book are you currently reading?

I’m currently reading a science fiction series called The Gamma Recruits which involves parallel universes and time travel. Such novels totally appeal to a geek like me. But I don’t care. I love this kind of thing. 

2. Have you ever smoked? 

My dad was a smoker and he tried desperately to give up. Nevertheless he always told me not to do it and of all the ways he tried to influence me, somehow that one stuck. I did rebel briefly at school and joined the other smokers behind a certain building at school. I tried to take a drag and I ended up coughing like a lunatic and gave up there and then. The second and last time I tried smoking was at university. I was drunk and took the offer of a cigarette and then took the smoke all the way down into my lungs. The reaction was spectacular – I threw up. I decided at that moment that I would never try it again – and to this day I haven’t. 

3. Do you own a gun?

I live in the United Kingdom so of course I don’t own a gun. Whenever I watch the news about America’s massive gun problems and mass shootings I shake my head with incredulity. People are shot so much in America because there seems to be no gun control whatsoever and it seems that a proportion of the population feel the need to have one for whatever reason. It’s absurd. 

I am glad the UK has such strict rules about guns.

4. What is your favourite candy?

I don’t eat “candy” that much but at the moment we are approaching Easter, which means that Cadbury’s Creme Eggs are available. I love them and at this time I do buy them as a treat. 

Other than that, I love Lindor Chocolate, especially the dark ones. 

5. Hot dogs: yay or nay?

I haven’t had a hot dog for a while. I think the last time was in the last decade when I went to the cinema. I wouldn’t normally have a hot dog there but I recall I was a little peckish. 

So I guess that’s a “Yay”!

6. Favourite movie?

I simply don’t have one. There are too many movies that I love to be able to cut it down to even 100 let alone just one. Here are a couple that I have seen recently that may qualify but if you ask me again tomorrow I will pick others. 

300

Avengers: Infinity War / Avengers: Endgame

Inglorious Basterds

Inception

Mission Impossible : Fallout

7. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?

I always have a large cup of decaffeinated tea, with a little milk and no sugar. Also a glass of apple juice and orange juice mixed. 

8. What do you drink throughout the day?

Again, I drink decaffeinated tea and the odd glass of water. 

9. Do you do push ups?

I have done push ups in the past (or as we in the UK call them - press ups). In fact the most recent time I did them was at the start of 2024 for a couple of months until I got fed up. I think I may try them again. 

10. What’s your favourite piece of jewellery?

I don’t wear jewellery so I don’t have a favourite I’m afraid. 

11. Current worry?

I can honestly say, at the moment, that I don’t have any serious worries I can think of. 

Having said that. we are having the garden redesigned and this will involve the whole thing being ripped up and re-laid. I guess that counts as a worry because I hate that sort of upheaval at home. The good news is that it is outside rather than in the house, and our garden is quite small so it won’t take more than a week. Thinking about it, even that isn’t a worry – just an annoying inconvenience for a short while. It will look good when it is complete though, hopefully. 

12. Current annoyance?

Where do I start? I’ve stopped watching the news recently because it makes my blood boil. I always thought that if Trump were ever re-elected it would have global consequences and it is proving to be far worse than even I considered. 

Trump seems to be systematically trying to dismantle all the alliances that the US has. He is alienating his country from Europe, from his nearest neighbours (especially Canada), he is trying to annexe Greenland and he has a vice president who seems to enjoy shooting off his poisonous mouth wherever he goes. 

Add to that unleashing Elon Musk on his own government and pandering to Putin’s needs and his treatment of Volodymyr Zelenskyy in the White House in front of the whole world and you see dangerous times ahead. The idiot has only been President for a couple of months and we can see scary times ahead. 

Rant over.

13. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?

I have never slept on satin sheets but I think if I did my hair would be so full of static electricity that I would never be able to get it under control.  

14.  Can you whistle?

Yes I can. 

Myths About Britain - Debunked (Part Two)

In my last post, I talked about some misunderstandings regarding the United Kingdom and what it is like to be a British person as well of some things that people from other countries get wrong. I have some more to talk about today.

Our Beer is Warm

In Britain, there are so many beers that I could barely begin to even start naming them. We have several different types such as Bitter, India Pale Ale (or IPA), Mild and Stout. Each country within the UK has variations and beers that are specific to that country. We also have lager and lots of beers imported from other countries. 

You can enter most pubs in the UK and get a variety of these so the choice is incredible. There is a lot of regional variation based on local breweries. For example in Stockport, a town that is not too far away from Manchester, we have Robinson’s brewery so we have a few pubs in Manchester that are owned by that brewery and specialise in the various different beers from that brewery. Sometimes we get beers from other parts of the country too, for example from London. 

Many micro-breweries exist too and their beer appears in various pubs that like to offer “Guest Beers”, meaning that on any given day there will be a couple of beers that are only on offer for a short amount of time. 

The truth about our beer being supposedly warm is that it isn’t (well – sort of). Most beers are stored in the cellar whose temperature is controlled and you will normally find it served at about 10 °C (about 50 °F) but there can be variations depending on the season. For example, in the winter all beer is cold but in the summer it may seem to be a little warmer. That said, if you order a pint of lager it is always served cold no matter what the season is. 

In the colder months, I tend to drink Bitter or IPA but when the weather warms up I drift towards lager, usually continental offerings from Germany, Belgium, Spain, France or Italy. I have been known to drink any beer depending on the mood. 

To summarise, I can understand why, say, somebody visiting from Europe or the USA may find some of our own beers a little warmer than they expect it to be. But really, it isn’t. 

British Weather is Terrible

British people love to talk about the weather. Why? Because you cannot guarantee one hundred percent what it is going to be like, even when you have seen the weather forecast for that day. I remember once on one extreme day, I saw sunshine and then rain, followed by a freak hailstorm and then a thunderstorm. By the end of the day the weather had returned to a semblance of normality when the sun came out again. This was in June.

This all doesn’t mean that the weather in the UK is terrible. We just get a massive variation but we don’t get extremes like hurricanes, tornadoes or extreme cold or heat. 

In winter the weather is generally not good. We get lots of rain, usually some snow at times and also a fair share of sunny days. However, the temperature usually ranges from about -5 °C (23 °F) to a mild 10 °C (50 °F). We don’t get the extreme cold that they get in Russia for example. I recall being in Moscow when the temperature was -25 °C (-13 °F) and there was so much snow that there were mountains of it piled up on the side of the road. 

In spring and autumn the weather is genuinely quite mild and pleasant. We do get quite a lot of rain though and I am guessing this is where the “terrible weather” slur comes from. The summers are usually very pleasant with temperatures in Manchester rising up to 30 °C (86 °F) although it often gets a few degrees higher. The hottest temperature we have had in Manchester is 38 °C (100 °F) although it was even hotter in London. Again we don’t have the extremes of the Middle East where I experienced 46 °C (115 °F) in Muscat, Oman. 

The one thing I will say is that it could rain at any time – yet still we have droughts too. British weather is annoying sometimes but it is not terrible compared to some places in the world.

The United Kingdom is Boring

Whenever I’ve heard somebody say that the UK is a boring place, that person has never set foot on our islands. I have been to many varied and fascinating countries in the world and each one in its own way is interesting and full of adventure. And I think that sentiment also applies to my own country. 

The one complaint I hear most is the weather (see the previous point) but there is plenty to do and the UK is a friendly place full of people who are willing to talk to you and help you to enjoy yourself. We have an amazing history (if not a bit horrible at times) and thousands of cultural icons to enjoy. We have thousands of miles of coastline and four (count them – FOUR) countries all of which have their own culture and outlook on life. 

We have our fair of eccentric pastimes, eccentric people and some weird perspectives on life but these add to the charm. We are hilarious as a nation and boast some of the funniest people in the world. We are masters of self-deprecation and find humour in most situations. We have some of the greatest actors in the world and our music is legendary worldwide. 

There is a huge list of things that were invented by people from the UK including the world’s first stored program digital computer which was designed and built here in Manchester. We also were the pioneers of the Internet as well as inventing things like the hydraulic press, ATM, toothbrush, fire extinguishers, stainless steel,  steam engine, turbo-jet engine, telescope, hovercraft, lawnmower, light bulb, railway, the telephone and many more. 

We have always been amazing, interesting and we still are. We know how to entertain and also have fun, as you will discover if you spend time in a pub. 

We are definitely not boring.

All We Drink is Tea

I must admit that I am drinking a cup of tea as I type this. Nevertheless, I do drink coffee too. In fact at work, most people I worked with were coffee drinkers rather than tea. 

Tea is very popular here, probably more popular than it is in any other country with the possible exception of China and India and if you go to visit people here, one of the first things that will happen is that you will be offered a cup of tea. We have tea shops but we also have coffee shops too. 

I think this is merely a stereotype and I am being a little hypocritical because I do love a cup of tea (or a cuppa). 

British People are Reserved

Many people think that British people are reserved and we face adversity with our “stiff upper lips”. The myth is that we are polite and don’t show our true feelings preferring to hide behind a façade of stoicism and courage when confronted by something that is difficult or unpleasant. 

I think those old war movies have something to do with this particular myth. When you watch British officers and soldiers going into battle, they show no fear, are very polite and say things like “For King and Country” before marching off to certain death with no fear and a determination that they will “take out as many of the bastards as I can” before “returning to Blighty for a cup of tea and cakes”. In the case of Americans, they charge in looking angry and screaming their war cries while waving their flags and trying to put the fear of God into whoever is facing them. 

Here's a parody that illustrates what I am talking about from Monty Python.

The upper classes may have that old British War movie outlook on life but the rest of us don’t. In fact the vast majority of us are amazing and funny people and a lot of us are not reserved at all. We mock each other and ourselves and a lot of the time it’s hilarious. In fact, the further away from London north you go, and certainly the further north, the friendlier the people, as illustrated by this spoof news report:

Every British Person Loves the Royal Family

The Royal family are divisive in the UK. There are certain people who absolutely adore them and hang on every word they say. For such people every single story involving them is a must read and any word said against them is tantamount to treason. These people are fuelled by tabloid newspapers who themselves adore certain members of the family but don’t like others. The darlings of the Royal family at the moment are William and Kate. Nothing bad is ever written about them and Royalists worship them.

Yet William’s brother, Harry, is seen as a pariah, perhaps because he married Meghan Markle who rarely gets a kind word written about her. 

I try my best to ignore the Royal family, apart from the odd rant when a story about them is the number one item on the news. To me, a story about Kate turning up at a school is totally and utterly irrelevant. I couldn’t care less. But when such a story is given a higher priority than, say, the economy being in trouble, I get annoyed. To me they are just celebrities but with the difference that they don’t have any talent at all. They are just very rich.

It’s a bit of a cult in my view. I have nothing against them as people at all but I simply do not care one jot about them. As a nation we are divided into three camps; Royalist who love the Royal family (apart from Harry and Meghan and of course Andrew), people like me who don’t give a toss about them and then people who despise them. 

In the latter category, I used to work with a guy who called them all “parasites”. I can understand that view, although I don’t share it.

As you can see, we do not all love the Royal family at all. 

And finally …

I hope this has cleared up a few myths about Britain and British people and provided a fresh insight into the antics of the place I call home.

Myths About Britain - Debunked

 

I was sitting in a bar in Amsterdam many years ago with an British work colleague and a Dutch man who was a customer. We were enjoying a quiet conversation when we noticed two young Dutch guys on the other side of the bar lambasting a slightly inebriated British bloke who was on his own. 

“You don’t care about your children!” declared one of the Dutch guys. “You send your children away for months to school. No wonder you people are the way you are.”

We were slightly uncomfortable hearing this but we ignored them. Eventually the British guy had had enough and left. Unfortunately, one of the Dutch guys heard us talking and the two of them immediately came over to us with a view to continuing their attack on British people. 

“So, you’re English?” he asked us. 

Thankfully, our Dutch colleague turned around and said something to them in Dutch which sounded very stern. Within a minute or two they moved away. 

“What did you say?” I asked. 

He replied:

“I told them that I lived in England for four years and everything they said was a load of rubbish. I told them that their behaviour is terrible and they are letting down Dutch people by being such arseholes.”

This was a one-off because Dutch people are usually laid back and really friendly. However, this unfortunate episode leads me on to some common misconceptions about the place I call home that simply aren’t true. Let’s dive in.

All British people send their kids away to school for months

This is, as my Dutch friend said, untrue on the whole. Also, I heard a French bloke in a restaurant in Paris saying the same thing to an American colleague once. This time I interrupted and told the American that this simply wasn’t true. 

What is true is that we do have public schools such as Harrow, Rugby and Eton (which has barfed out some Prime Ministers like Boris the Clown). Public schools are fee paying and heaped in tradition and deep in the realm of the filthy rich of our country. In public school you will find the children of royalty and nobility and extremely rich businessmen etc. because they are the only ones who can afford them.

The vast majority of kids in the UK, (93%)  go to normal state schools in the same way most other children in the world do. I have only ever met one guy who went to public school and he hated every second of it. He was a really good friend at university and he had what can only be described as a posh accent. 

Talking of accents …

There are only two British accents: the royal accent and cockney

The “royal” accent is what I would describe the accent spoken by Charlie-boy, aka King Charles III. It is known as “received pronunciation”. The cockney accent is the accent of London. The truth is that there are so many accents in the United Kingdom that listing them all would take ages.  Here’s a taster:

My accent used to be “Black Country” or “Yam Yam” which is very close to the Brummie accent in the video above spoken by Ozzy Osbourne. I used to sound similar to him because he was born about ten miles away from Walsall, where I was born. But even in those ten miles, the accent mutated and my original dialect had words that perhaps even Ozzy never used. 

You may also note that the video described that accent “being rated as Britain’s least intelligent” and since I moved away from Walsall I can vouch for this being true. When I moved to Liverpool for university, people used to say “what part of Birmingham are you from?”. I was naïve and said “How do you know where I’m from?, which may have made them think that people from Walsall and Birmingham are as stupid as the accent makes them sound.

This was of course the first time I encountered the Scouse accent (spoken by people from Liverpool). When I tried to open a bank account as a naïve 19 year old, I really struggled because I could barely understand the woman I was dealing with. She was a fully-fledged Scouser and we struggled to communicate because my accent was so strong too. She got my name wrong about ten times and she probably thought I was stupid too.

Over the years, my accent has faded and now I have what Southerners would call a neutral Northern accent. Yet occasionally, my Yam Yam accent surfaces (usually when I am ranting). There is no Mancunian in there (well possibly a hint).

We all live in London

London is the capital of England and the United Kingdom but we don’t all live there. I have been asked by an American, “So what’s it like living in London?”

Now, London is a huge city but it is over two hundred miles away from Manchester. I have friends who live there and I visit the place quite often. It takes four hours to drive there from Manchester and this is why I usually take the train, taking just over two hours. 

But I am not from London and I don’t live there. And the truth is that 90% of travelling people from the UK that you will meet do not live in London either. Some even live in different countries (see below).

That said, London is a good place to visit. I love it but I wouldn’t want to live there at all. It is too chaotic and too busy for me. 

England is the United Kingdom

I was born in England and I live in England. I was also born in the United Kingdom. But the United Kingdom is not England. 

The United Kingdom consists of four countries: England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland. If, for example, you were to ask a Scot whether he was English, you may well get a rude reply. Each country has its own devolved government for local issues but the centre of government of the UK is in London, so perhaps I can understand the slight confusion when meeting somebody from the UK. The accent usually gives it away. 

I can imagine that there are other things that confuse foreigners too, especially when I mention the word "British". I am English and I am also British. Where does “British” fit in I hear you cry? Why are we also called Great Britain? 

Allow me to explain. 

See the following diagram.

The big island that contains England, Scotland and Wales is called Great Britain and people who live in all of those countries are British. There are a lot of smaller islands off the coast of Great Britain but they count as British too (for example the Isle of Man and the Isle of Wight). 

The other major island is Ireland and this comprises the Republic of Ireland and Northen Ireland. The islands of Great Britain, Ireland and all the other smaller islands make up the British Isles. From the perspective of Ireland, the Republic of Ireland (or Eire) is an independent country but Northern Ireland is part of the United Kingdom. Hence the full name of the United Kingdom is The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. 

I hope that clears things up and makes sense.

And Finally …

There are a couple of other myths that need to be debunked so I will do that in another post.