Retirement - A Year On

41 years ago today, on Monday 17th September 1984, I started work as a Graduate Computer Programmer at a large company that was based in South Manchester. It was the beginning of almost 40 years in Software Engineering, which basically means that I spent my entire working life in combat with computer software running on a variety of machines that slowly evolved and now continue to evolve to this day.

I actually loved writing software but eventually all the politics and crap that surrounds such a career got to me in the end. I guess all office based careers end up mutating into something else and that was definitely true of my job. 

In a sense I was lucky because for about thirty five of those forty years I worked in the airport industry, which meant that I got to travel to exotic places such as Russia, China, USA and South Africa as well as Europe. 

What I discovered as part of these travels is that people the world over are largely the same. When I say “people” I mean ordinary people such as myself, not politicians, celebrities and others wielding power.

For example, in Russia, I worked with a guy who was wonderful company and very helpful to me. In China I was looked after so well by the people I was working with and my attempts to speak Mandarin were met with enthusiasm but laughter as I skilfully mispronounced all manner of words, turning simple sentences into utter gibberish.

On Thursday 12th September 2025 I waved goodbye to all that and retired.

Now, on the day that career started, I thought that I would reflect on what has happened since I handed over my work laptop and said goodbye to my work colleagues. 

Do I think of work now? 

The answer is not really. I am still in touch with quite a few people I used to work with and I definitely miss some of the trips abroad, even though they were hard work in terms of the job I had to do. Thankfully, now that I am free of the chains of my career I can revisit some of these places as a tourist and enjoy them without the pressure of the job. 

The question I am now asked most is:

“What are you doing with your time, Dave?”

When I was younger, I thought that retired people just spent their time doing nothing but now that I have joined that elite group of people, I know how wrong that naïve view is. Some of the retired people I know are actually busier now than when they worked. 

From a personal point of view, my plan for retirement was to make sure that I didn’t fall into the trap of doing absolutely nothing. I wanted a routine. I wanted to keep fit. I wanted to challenge my mind. I wanted to make time for fun. 

I actually went about the task of bringing this plan to fruition in quite a methodical manner. I guess this is no surprise for somebody who designed algorithms for computer systems to follow. Here’s what I did:

First, I made a list of things that I wanted to do (hobbies if you like), and a list of things that were necessary (such as chores etc) as well as finding something to do to simply relax. That list is huge by the way and I have only really looked at a fraction of it. 

In a sense, I was lucky to retire when I did, though fellow retirees will almost certainly disagree with me. Retirees I know said that the best time to retire is at the start of summer yet, paradoxically I ignored that advice and quit my job at the start of autumn. The weather in autumn in the UK is okay but steadily gets worse as time passes inexorably towards winter. Consequently, I found myself staying at home as the weather devolved into unpleasantness. 

You may think this is a bad idea, but it wasn’t bad for me. It allowed my routine to take hold and now, a year later, I have a daily routine that absolutely works for me. 

That is a key thing (and I can’t emphasise it enough) – get yourself a routine that suits you. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as it is something that you can look forward to every day and something that is fulfilling. However, there is a caveat, which I have learned this summer. By all means stick to the routine but don’t be too hard on yourself if something more interesting comes along like a trip out, a holiday or just hanging around with friends. My life was rigid enough when I worked and, as paradoxical as it seems, I don’t want to take that into retirement even though I have a routine for less active days. 

I have a massive list of things that I would like to try and I have spent time listing those in a document for future use, but for now, I have selected a couple to fit into my routine. 

These include, teaching myself (badly) to play the piano, playing with a synthesiser, writing (including a novel, a memoir and blog posts) and learning languages (Spanish, French and German). 

The timetable includes time for daily chores, a bit of relaxation and time to be a total child with my PS5. 

As well as this, I try to walk roughly five miles a day. I do this first thing in the morning because this serves a couple of purposes. First, it wakes me up and second I find it quite mindful and relaxing. Walking also gets me out of the house and is great exercise for an old git like myself. I do this even in terrible weather (Like this morning when I was asking myself whether there was a new Noah constructing a brand new Ark). 

So, have I stuck to myroutine? 

In short, the answer is yes.

It was easier during the winter months and even into spring. 

When summer arrived it was more tricky because there was more to do. I started seriously watching cricket, for example and I have been to a lot of games. Also, the weather improved which meant that I was able to get out and about more or simply sit in the garden and read, enjoying the nice weather. For once we have had a great summer in 2025, involving four heatwaves (yes four – can you believe that in the UK?) with temperatures reaching the high twenties to the mid-thirties Celsius. I don’t think I have spent as much time in the garden as I have this summer. 

To be honest, summer has ruined my routine quite a lot but that is a good thing if you consider that going out and doing stuff is as good as settling into your routine. Summer has taught me that no matter how rigid you wanted the routine to be, it is okay to put it aside for a while and enjoy the benefits of good weather, like a cricket match or simply reading in the garden, as well as other activities and socialising with mates.

Holidays have also required me to shelve my routine a lot. I have been on holiday nine times, three of them in the UK and the rest abroad. There are a few other things going on too, notably bi-monthly get-togethers with a bunch of old retired workmates to travel around the local area via train to seek out new pubs and new breweries – to boldly drink beer where no Mancunian has drunk beer before.  

As well as that, I have become a domestic goddess. Mrs PM is still working and so while she slaves away over a hot laptop, I look after domestic chores such as washing, shopping and being a slave to our two furry overlords. 

That works well and I am (relatively) happy to take over. 

What about the future? 

I am going on another holiday at the end of next week, a cruise around the Aegean Sea with two friends, and after that I will take stock of where I am and consider changing things around a little bit as winter approaches. 

I don’t think that I will change much, if I’m honest, because I am content at the moment. I have a list of new things to try and perhaps I will find time but at the moment I am happy to continue for a while. I will of course review again as the New Year approaches, as this is the time that people traditionally review their day to day lives. 

Life is peachy at the moment and I will try to make the most of it while I am still in the go-go period of retirement. As I said above, I have learned that no matter how disciplined I am with a routine, it is absolutely fine to break that for more interesting pursuits – and in fact it should be actively encouraged. 

I expect more of the same next year and I am delighted with that. 

Assorted Nonsense

 

Welcome to a changeable South Manchester. When I say changeable, I mean the weather because, really, South Manchester always tends to stay the same. We are in a weird pattern weatherwise as autumn starts to dig its heels in. This means we are getting sunshine but occasional heavy showers and the odd rumble of thunder. The weather really can’t make up its mind what to do. 

If you ever wonder why British people seem obsessed with the weather, you can tell from days like today. 

Should I wear a coat? 

Should I take a brolly? 

I don’t know. 

Thankfully I am staying at home today. 

Let’s dive in with some silly questions from Sunday Stealing. 

1. Name five songs that you have completely memorised.

I’ve memorised these songs (more or less)  by simply listening to them so often over the years. 

Deep Purple – Highway Star

Rush – Subdivisions

Tears For Fears – Head Over Heels

Depeche Mode – Personal Jesus

Nazareth – May the Sunshine

2. What takes up too much of your time?

At the moment, it is household chores. There is a blog post coming soon about this but basically, since Mrs PM is still working and I am now retired, I have taken on the role of doing most of the stuff around the house. It is a pain in the backside but we need to do it so it has become a necessary evil. 

3. What TV show or movie do you refuse to watch?

Anything with James Corden in it. He has a sitcom called Gavin and Stacey that apparently people actually like (even though he has pissed off most of the other cast). I was going to watch the Friends reunion but when I discovered that he was involved I simply refused. 

Other things that piss me off are reality TV shows like Made in Chelsea. I would never watch such bilge.

Oh – and any TV programme with Sinon Cowell in it. 

Oh oh – and any TV programme with Piers Morgan in it. 

4. What's worth spending more on to get the best?

Technology. For example, if you are going to buy a laptop or tablet, then the cheaper ones lack the resources and processor of the more expensive ones, so while they will work, they will soon struggle to cope with the latest operating systems and software so you will end up replacing it sooner than you think. It may seem pricey but you can almost guarantee that it will last longer. 

5. Share something you did last week.

Last week was a bit of a quiet one, which is good for the introvert inside me. 

The week before was different. I went to see Lancashire play Middlesex at cricket in a 50 over one day match. 

I also took my car in for its annual check up (called an MOT over here).

Finally I went to Heaton Park in the North of Manchester for a gig called Festwich, which consists of several tribute bands playing on three stages for the whole day. Good clean fun with a touch of heavy metal. 

Making the Grade

Welcome to a dry and cloudy South Manchester in the United Kingdom. We are now sadly descending into autumn after a very good summer. The good news is that for me summer will return briefly when we go on a cruise in the Aegean Sea at the end of September, visiting several Greek islands and also a day in Turkey (my third visit there). 

I’m looking forward to that. 

Let’s five in with some Sunday Stealing shenanigans. This week it’s a little different in that I am expected to grade myself on various things. The grades are A, A-, B, B-, C, C-, D, D-, F but I am going to add E and E- because that’s what we have in the UK. 

Also, I always hated being graded - I even hate grading myself because I will invariably get it wrong. I will probably reread this post in a year's time and panic that I was so easy or so hard on myself. What a neurotic mess I am. 

• Happiness

B

I am generally a happy chap but I could be happier, hence the B. There is room for improvement but most of it is out of my hands. These days when I turn on the news and watch what is happening in my own country and the rest of the world, I feel like a little bit of my soul is being chipped away. 

In the UK we have the rise of the extreme right, led by the arrogant, bigoted, Trump wannabee, Nigel Farage. In the US, Donald Trump is slowly destroying the country from within. In the east, Vladimir Putin shows no sign of ending the war in Ukraine. In Israel there is a humanitarian crisis that shows no sign of ending. 

That said, I was elated by Farage’s visit to Congress this week. He went over there with the intention of putting the UK down, comparing my country to North Korea. 

What a total prick he is!

Instead, he got more than he bargained for, as you can see from the video below:

Jamie Raskin – I applaud you for showing us all exactly what frog-faced Farage is; an arrogant, bigoted, disruptive grifter. Let’s just hope that people in the UK see him for what he is. 

• Being a decent human being

B

I am a decent human being but there is always room for improvement. Nobody is perfect, least of all myself, and I know exactly how I could improve.Will it happen? Maybe, but not if Captain Procrastination has his way. 

• Being serene (calm, peaceful)

B

I am a calm and laid back person ninety percent of the time but there are times when I loose my cool. This usually happens when I am watching the news or listening to people talking bullshit on social media and in the newspapers. I am improving though because had you asked me a few years ago when I had to endure the likes of Boris Johnson as my Prime Minister and the fallout from the disaster that is Brexit, I would have given myself an E. I am trying to find inner peace and I think I am getting there. 

• Kindness

A-

Again, there is room for improvement but I think I am a kind person deep down. I like to be kind and helpful – I get a buzz out of it. 

For example, on my walk a few months ago, a woman ran past me and as she did, she dropped her purse. I called her but she had earbuds in and she couldn’t hear me. I called louder and she just ran on having not heard me at all. Now she was clearly a keen and dedicated runner because I watched her disappear while I decided what to do. 

I thought, “Sod it,” and I ran after her. 

Now I haven’t run for many years but I am quite fit, given that I walk five miles a day. I had to almost sprint to catch her and, after several minutes, I did. I didn’t want to tap her on the shoulder so I just ran right past her and stopped, holding out her purse. “You (gasp)(gasp)(gasp) dropped (gasp)(gasp)(gasp) this” I said trying not to sound like one of those perverts who used to breath down the phone. 

She was so grateful and thanked me for being such a kind person. 

I realised then that while I can still run a little, I’m not as fit as I used to be. There will be no fun runs, couch to 10K or marathons in my lifetime, that I can tell you. 

• Anger management

B-

I hate getting angry. Paradoxically getting angry makes me angry because I hate to lose control. When I see a truly angry person I avoid them completely and I would rather walk away. However, as I have said repeatedly, while there’re people like Nigel Farage in politics and people like Donald Trump in the White House, I will still get angry. I can’t help it. 

• Creative thinking

C

I would love to be more creative and I know that I can be. I recently read a decent book on how to spark your inner creativity and I found it really interesting. When I read stuff about creativity, it highlights the fact that I am not there yet. However, I think it will be interesting to explore this further. 

• Modesty

A-

By giving myself an A- for modesty, am I being arrogant and not modest at all? 

Is this a massive oxymoron? 

Actually, I do consider myself to be modest. I don’t boast about my achievements because I prefer to portray myself as an ordinary guy, which is what I feel that I am. I am Mr Average in many ways (blog post on this coming soon) and I always feel uncomfortable blowing my own trumpet. When I was working, people used to tell me to boast about what I had achieved. I’ve always felt uncomfortable doing that. Does that make me modest?

• Being an original

C

Like I said above, I am Mr Average – just like any other 62 year old retired British man you would see walking down the street. There is nothing special about me at all. I am not a pioneer in any field, I don’t stand out as “the original this” or “the original that” and I’m happy with that.

• Knowing yourself

A

I know myself really well. I know my limitations, I know what I like and dislike and I know what makes me happy. 

• Being true to yourself

B

In the past, when I was more insecure and shy, I used to try to strive for friendship by going out of my way to please other people. Sometimes that was fun and productive but on many occasions it wasn’t at all. Nowadays, I just do things for me. Don’t get me wrong, I will sometimes go out of my way to make others happy but I do so on my own terms. I’m too old to live by other people’s rules and standards. What’s more, I don’t expect other people to do that for me either. 

• Getting along with others

A-

I like to think that I am a nice guy and generally I get along with a lot of people. I always make an effort even if I dislike the person. I always greet people with a smile, no matter who they are and try to make them feel at ease. I am absolutely certain that there are people out there who don’t like me but that’s okay too because I probably dislike them too. 

I just tend to avoid those people anyway.

• Liking yourself

B

Yeah – I do like myself but when I do something stupid I curse myself relentlessly. This is fun for other people to watch because it is genuinely funny. I used to do this at work when I had messed up , much to the amusement of my former work colleagues. I hate it when I break things accidentally or lose my keys. There is room for improvement though and I should learn to forgive myself for petty things like that. Such behaviour is usually very short lived though and I can see the funny side of most of it. 

• Admitting your flaws

B

Regular readers know that I list my flaws all the time. I have done so in this very post. Usually I try to make a joke about it because I love self-deprecation. It doesn’t mean that I hate myself at all; on the contrary I think admitting your flaws, preferably in a funny way, actually endear people to me. I’ve made many a person laugh when I have described how inadequate I am at doing certain things, or times when I have totally cocked something up. It does happen, so why not enjoy it? 

• Self improvement

B

I am on a quest for self-improvement but there are lots of things that I need to do to achieve what I want, hence the B. For example, I am trying to teach myself to play the piano and yet I know that if I dedicated more time to this and practiced more, I know that I would improve. That said, I do try to spend some time tickling the ivories every day and limping through difficult songs (well difficult to me anyway). This is the latest thing I am wrestling with and I am about 80% of the way there. However, it has taken me ages to crawl to this point. 

Mr Squeamish (Part Two)

 

About nine years ago, I wrote a blog post about being squeamish. You can read it here: 

Mr Squeamish 

Over those nine years, you may have thought that I had finally overcome my squeamishness or at least tried to cope with it. The truth is that I haven’t. 

If anything I am worse now. 

What has made it so bad for me is that these days more people seem to relish talking about their ailments, their operations and various bits that are going wrong with their bodies and, worse, they seem to want to go into great detail, even for the trivial things. 

Picture the scene. I am sitting in an Indian restaurant with Mrs PM, her father and her step mum. We have ordered our food and are currently snacking on some poppadoms with various tasty dips. Mrs PM’s dad and step mum are a lot older than I am (and I consider myself to be an old git) and they know a lot of people their age. The topic of conversation has invariably led to the ailments of some of their friends. 

Now, before I go on, I don’t mind hearing that somebody has been to hospital to have a minor operation; I just don’t want the full gory details. The conversation started getting into the nitty gritty of medical issues and procedures. And I mean getting really down and dirty with all of the gory details. Being polite, I allowed this to go on uninterrupted while my inner Mr Squeamish told me that they would change the subject soon. As I crunched through my poppadum, Mrs PM’s dad told us about something that had happened to him. 

He used to be very active but due to one thing and another, he can’t walk very far now (he is approaching his mid 80’s). This means that occasionally he has to use a mobility scooter. One day, he had a little accident. There was a mechanical issue and it collapsed under him when he sat on it resulting in a part of it scraping his skin. We all sympathised until he went into more detail about the aftermath. The wound took a while to heal and he insisted on going into all of the gory details, which I won’t repeat here lest I throw up all over my keyboard. 

I even tolerated this, dear reader, because it had happened to him. But then, as the main course arrived, I internally shook my head in horror as Mrs PM (who should know better) started talking about an eye operation that she had heard about or watched on one of those horrific medical programmes she insists on watching. 

That was too much. Mr Squeamish screamed at me and I went into full blown rant mode. Of all the body parts I have a problem with, eyes are the worst. 

“THAT’S ENOUGH!” I yelled, possibly too loudly. “I’ve heard about Mrs Smith’s operation and I’ve heard about Mrs PM’s dad’s minor mobility accident. You’ve been talking about cysts, people being sliced open, blood and other monstrous body incidents for twenty minutes now. And now you want to talk about EYES! Unless you want to see me be violently ill on this table, please, please, PLEASE change the subject.”

What was the reaction? 

They all burst out laughing. Mrs PM’s step mum said:

“OOOH! I’d forgotten how squeamish you are.”

Thankfully they took pity on me and changed the subject, but not before a couple of witty barbs were hurled my way. 

This highlights an issue that I am noticing more and more, possibly because people around me, friends and relatives etc. are all getting older and with that age increase there are more ailments to talk about because more people are getting them. 

And I hate that. 

I wouldn’t mind if people just mentioned it so that I knew; people insist on the entire gory details. I hate that. People are even talking about their pets in this way. 

“Oh little Tiddles had to have a massive boil lanced from her paw. When the vet cut it with the scalpel, all this yellow pus came out but that wasn’t the worst bit. After that …”

STOP IT! 

All I want to know is that Tiddles went to the vet for a minor procedure. 

Why do I need to know what that procedure is? 

Is Tiddles okay now? 

Yes? 

Fine! 

That’s enough!

I know that this is going to get worse but you can rest assured, dear reader, that if I have to have an operation, be it major or minor, I will not mention it on this blog. There will be no photographs of wounds or scars and no elaborate descriptions of the procedure or the aftermath. 

AND THERE WILL DEFINITELY BE NO TALK ABOUT EYES!

I wouldn’t put you through that trauma. 

Why? Because Mr Squeamish doesn’t just live inside me; he lives inside many people. 

Treat him with kindness. 

Morning Brew

Welcome to a cloudy but warm South Manchester. I’ve just returned from a three day break with friends in the beautiful island of Anglesey in North Wales, where the summer weather smiled on us the whole time. It was lovely sitting and watching the sun set over the Irish Sea and star gazing at night time.

Obviously when I woke up each morning I was ready to seize the day so it seems fitting that this week’s Sunday Stealing hovers in an around the subject of morning feelings and rituals.

Let’s dive in, shall we? 

1. What do you typically have for breakfast?

My breakfast depends on the day. Usually from Monday to Friday I am well behaved and have fruit accompanied by a nice hot steaming mug of decaffeinated tea. My fruit of choice is usually banana, apple, orange and perhaps a peach, nectarine or some plums.

At the weekend, I tend to be a bit naughty and have an omelette, sometimes on it’s own but normally accompanied by toast and a sausage or two. And of course a big steaming mug of decaffeinated tea and a glass of orange juice mixed with apple juice. 

2. What was your favourite breakfast cereal when you were a kid?

I used to eat Cornflakes, Frosties (which are basically Cornflakes with crusted sugar), Weetabix or Sugar Puffs. In the winter, I would occasionally have porridge. I haven’t had porridge for decades, thinking about it. Mrs PM likes porridge in the winter so maybe when the cold weather comes I might try reacquainting myself with it. 

3. Orange juice, tomato juice or cranberry juice?

I usually have orange juice mixed with apple juice as I said above. I hate cranberries so the thought of drinking cranberry juice at any time fills me with nausea. I have never fancied drinking tomato juice either (though I do like tomatoes). 

4. What time is your alarm clock set for?

What is this "Alarm Clock" object of which you speak?

HA HA! 

My alarm clock isn’t set at all since I retired. 

Actually that’s not quite true because I do set it when I have something planned, for example, having to catch an early flight. 

When I worked, the alarm clock was set for 5:55 am. I smile now when I think of this because at that time now, I am so deep in sleep that a wild gorilla couldn’t wake me up. 

5. Do you have any tips for preventing stress and making the morning go more smoothly?

Yes. 

Just retire. 

Or go for a walk. 

Since I gave up caffeine some years ago, I find that a walk will always wake me up. 

When the walk starts I am like a shuffling zombie but, five miles later, I am wide awake and smiling – even when it is raining. 

I do not miss caffeine at all. I have actually had it accidentally once or twice and the effect is quite startling. I can see now why people rely on it. The problem is for me that being wired is stressful so I would say just give it up – unless you like that feeling of course. 

Food, Places, Music and Moments

Welcome to a sunny and pleasant South Manchester where we are in the middle of a slight heatwave. We had temperatures of 30°C and more this week in Manchester which is about as hot as it ever gets here. Now, though, it is a pleasant 24°C on a Sunday afternoon.

Let’s dive in to Sunday Stealing with a set of silly questions.

FOOD

TWO foods you can't stand

1. Rhubarb. I am certain that rhubarb is either cultivated and grown in the deepest bowels of hell itself or is an extraterrestrial monstrosity that was planted by aliens intent on eventually taking over from humanity as the dominant species on planet Earth. I hate rhubarb so much that I can barely suppress the urge to retch when I see it. Horrible stuff. 

2. Apricots. I recently accidentally bit into an apricot, thinking (stupidly) that it was a small peach. I realised my mistake within two nanoseconds and threw the whole thing away, while trying not to heave. Disgusting vegetation masquerading as fruit. 

FOUR foods you love

1. Cheese. I love cheese so much that I have to try my best not to eat it all the time. There are cheeses that I am less keen on but 99% of them are wonderful. One of my current favourites for a treat is sold in our local cheese shop (and yes we do have one). It is called Harrogate Blue and I love it. At Christmas we get together with our next door neighbours for a cheese and wine evening and I am in heaven trying all manner of different cheeses. 

2. Roast pork. If we go out on Sunday for a traditional Sunday lunch, Mrs PM always predicts that I will have roast pork with crackling on the side. She’s always right. 

3. Mrs PM’s paella. Mrs PM decided that she was going to have a go at paella and it was the best decision she has made. She tries it with a variety of meat and vegetables but it is always amazing. She is allergic to seafood so we can’t always try it in Spain itself unless there is a meat one (which there isn’t always). But I love it.

4. Indian food. It took me a while to get into Indian food because I was never sure what to eat. However, I have a couple of Indian friends who have guided me over the years and now I know exactly what to have. We have a couple of Indian restaurants locally and they mic things up from the traditional Indian food you find in restaurants. I just love the spices – as long as they aren’t too hot.

PLACES

TWO places you never want to see again 

1. Johannesburg, South Africa. I worked on a project that covered four airports in South Africa and the main computers were at Johannesburg airport and, being a key team member, I was the idiot who always had to stay in Jo’burg while my team mates got to go to places like Cape Town. And Jo’burg is a very dangerous place. I loved parts of it, like Sandton City and the people I met were wonderful. But I wasn’t really allowed to venture out because of the high crime rate. 

2. Salvador, Brazil. Mrs PM and I started our Brazil trip in Salvador and as I was flying over, I read that this city was one of the most dangerous in Brazil We were staying in a tourist friendly area but when we arrived, the taxi driver was telling us where not to go because we would risk being robbed – if we were lucky. He told us that there were certain no-go areas even for the police. I liked where we stayed but to go again? No thanks. 

FOUR places you'd like to revisit

1. Tokyo, Japan. Tokyo is absolutely enormous and I didn’t realise the scale of this magnificent city until I actually got there. We were there for three days and we only scratched the surface. I think if we had spent two weeks there we would still need to go back. And of course Japan itself is a wonderful place that I want to visit again. 

2. Hong Kong. I have spent about 18 months of my life in Hong Kong due to lots of work trips and the odd holiday trip and I absolutely love the place. In fact, we are planning to go there early next year on our way back from Malaysia and I can’t wait. The longest I stayed there was three months and I loved being an honorary Hong Kong resident. I was sad when I left but I have returned and I will do so whenever the opportunity arises.

3. Nice, France. Mrs PM and I tend not to go to the same places in Europe more than once but Nice is one of the few exceptions. It is a beautiful city on the south coast of France that can be used as a centre to visit a lot of amazing other places, like Cannes, Monte Carlo and Antibes. We were there earlier this year and we are thinking of perhaps going again next year. 

4. New York. I’ve been to New York twice and the first time I was basically shown around so quickly that I didn’t get a chance to really see the place because the woman who was our guide (a friend we were staying with) was scared of the place. This was back in 1989. However, Mrs PM and I went back for New Year in 1998/1999 and as intrepid explorers we just walked around ourselves. I felt perfectly safe and even wandered back to our hotel at 2am after visiting Times Square for New Year and an Irish Bar. We were there for four days and it wasn’t enough. 

MUSIC

TWO musical artists who make you want to change the station 

1. Justin Timberlake. Mrs PM went to see him recently and up to that point and for a while afterwards she has been incessantly playing his music. And his music, in my opinion, is dreadful. We have a joint playlist and there is no way on this Earth that Justin Timberlake’s music will get anywhere near it. 

2. Kanye West (or whatever he calls himself these days). I don’t like hip hop at all but Kanye West is right at the bottom of the pile when it comes to hip hop artists I would give a chance to. Enough said.

FOUR musical artists you love to listen to

1. Steven Wilson is a British progressive rock singer and musician who is the main man in the band Porcupine Tree as well as having a successful solo career. As well as that he continues to work in two other projects called Blackfield and No-Man. He is prolific and as well as being a singer and multi-instrumentalist he is a producer and he remixes the albums of other artists. He is a man of many talents.

2. Devin Townsend is a Canadian progressive metal singer and guitarist who is very prolific. His musical style ranges from extreme metal to ambient electronica with quite a few genres ticked off in between. His vocal range is incredible, ranging from melodic vocals to screams and growls. 

3. Riverside are a Polish progressive rock band who have successfully filled a gap that I missed since my favourite band, Rush, ended following the sad death of their drummer Neil Peart. They are my current favourite band. The singer/bassist is called Mariusz Duda and I love his songwriting style as well as his solo career and other project called Lunatic Soul. I've seen them a couple of times recently and intend to see them when they next venture across the English Channel. 

4. Nine Inch Nails have been around for decades and their music has featured in a lot of movies. I saw them live this year and they haven’t lost anything. The raw anger from their earlier music was still there as well as the more subdued recent material. Trent Reznor is a genius in my view and is still going strong. The band are releasing a new album to run alongside the new movie Tron: Ares. 

MOMENTS

TWO moments you'd like to erase

1. The entire Brexit campaign and Brexit vote. If ever anyone wants an example of ignorance, incompetence, lying, gullibility and stupidity, just study that whole campaign. It is the biggest mistake that we as a nation have ever made and it embarrasses me immensely. People just can't see the damage it has done and will continue to do. 

2. The day that Boris Johnson became Prime Minister of the UK. I will say no more, lest I rant mercilessly. 

FOUR moments you'd like to relive

1. The day that Mrs PM and I got together in Hong Kong. 

2. This isn’t a real moment but I would like to relive some of my days at Liverpool University. It was one of the happiest periods of my life. 

3. My trip to Japan (again not really a moment). 

4. The day that I told my dad that I had passed all of my A-Level exams to gain me entrance to Liverpool University. He was so happy and I was delighted that he knew before he sadly passed away shortly afterwards. 

Ozzy Osbourne

I’ve delayed writing a post about Ozzy Osbourne because I only recently posted about his last concert in Birmingham and his former band Black Sabbath. The gig happened just a couple of weeks before his death and the timing is poignant. 

Ozzy Osbourne was a unique individual whose lifestyle was so hedonistic that he even succeeded in shocking one of America’s most offensive bands, Mötley Crüe. Many were amazed that Ozzy managed to reach 70 years old, let alone 76. 

He had a fine and unique voice, and it is reported that even though he was known as “The Prince of Darkness” and was perhaps one of the most outrageous rock stars in history, people who knew him and met him report that he was one of the funniest and kindest people you could ever know. 

Here are some examples:

Ozzy grew up in an area of Birmingham called Aston which is about 8 miles from where I was born so I am familiar with the areas he frequented in his youth and the environment which shaped him. If you had heard me speaking when I lived in Walsall you would have been forgiven for thinking that I sounded like Ozzy. My accent was actually stronger than his and although I have lost my own accent now, Ozzy’s remained although in a slightly milder form and tinged with American. 

As I said in my post about Black Sabbath I followed them even after Ozzy was sacked from the band in 1978 but I also followed Ozzy’s solo career, which thrived under the management of his wife Sharon. 

I have to admit that I wasn’t a huge fan of the reality series “The Osbournes” but I did enjoy the bits where Ozzy was unintentionally funny. And he definitely could be funny. Here he is trying a Olivia Newton-John’s health drink:

I’ve read his autobiography, “I  Am Ozzy” and I have to say it is one of the funniest books I’ve read. I even went to work dressed as Ozzy on a charity fancy dress day way back in 2010, complete with my impersonation of him. 

I am saddened by his death, especially such a short time after his gig. It’s a shame and we have lost a national treasure over here in the UK. I’m impressed with what he achieved over his lifetime, especially since we were born such a short distance away from each other. 

I’ll leave you with my favourite five songs from Ozzy’s solo work. 

5. Perry Mason (from Ozzmosis – 1995)

This might be a slightly controversial choice amongst fans of Ozzy’s solo work but I think this is a great song. There’s just something about it that I like, perhaps the idea that this could actually be the theme song to a future Perry Mason series.

4. Shot in the Dark (from The Ultimate Sin – 1986)

This song reminds me of a great time in my life and that’s the reason that It is my number four choice. There was a lot of good music around at that time and it all brings back very fond memories. 

3. Crazy Train (from Blizzard of Ozz – 1980)

When Ozzy was sacked from Black Sabbath it took him a while to recover but he came back with his first solo album called Blizzard of Ozz and this song is probably his best known solo song. I think it’s a great song. In fact an easy listening version of this song became the theme song to the Osbournes.

2. Let Me Hear You Scream (from Scream – 2010)

This song is an absolute heavy metal anthem and I think Ozzy’s voice is amazing in it. It’s a very heavy song and I absolutely love the chorus, which I sing along whenever it is on.  “You’ll hear me scream if you don’t switch that off!” says Mrs PM.  Result!

1.  No More Tears (from No More Tears – 1991)

“No More Tears” is an absolutely amazing song. I love the menace it invokes, the bass line, the guitar and the way the song evolves as it continues, almost in a progressive way, with an orchestral section towards the end that sends a shiver down the spine (well in the full album version anyway). If you like the single version, definitely check out the album cut because it is even better. 

And finally

Here is a beautiful song from the album No More Tears (that I guess can be classed as a power ballad). It is called Mama, I’m Coming Home and shows Ozzy’s voice at its best.

Thanks for everything, Ozzy and Rest in Peace. 

I will miss you.

Plastic Alphabet Soup

Welcome to a cloudy but sunny South Manchester where the weather is predicted to improve next week, which is great because I have a cricket match to watch on Monday. 

Let’s dive straight in with some Sunday Stealing tomfoolery, this time in the form of alphabet prompts resulting in my sharing more of my inner weirdness with you. 

Strap in folks!

A. Auto

My car is a boring grey Vauxhall Astra that I have had for a number of years now. It’s nothing special but it is reliable and rarely has a problem. We have two cars and, now that I am no longer working, my car doesn’t get used that often. It is much easier to get around the city using public transport and we are going further afield we tend to use Mrs PM’s car because it is more economical. I am therefore considering selling it and just using her car, or alternatively we could sell both cars and buy a new electric one. It’s all up in the air though and I can see myself still having the same car next year. 

B. Bed size

We have a king size bed which implies that I am the king of my own house. However, I am actually the fourth most important living thing in my house behind Mrs PM and my furry overlords. Usually at this time of day, the two cats are sprawled on the bed fast asleep so it is really their bed until I decide to use it, at which point I find myself with a cat at my feet or lying in between us ready to wake us up at dawn for food. This is why I have banned them from the bedroom (unless Mrs PM objects – see what I mean? Fourth most important living thing). 

C. Cats

As I said, we have two cats. Ziggy is a large male black cat and Star is his younger sister. We picked them up from a cat charity because they had been abandoned by an utter arse (I am moderating my own language here). There were three of them in a small cage dumped in an alleyway in the middle of winter. I have no idea how long they had been there but they were all very ill as a result. We would have taken all three but the third one was very ill and needed extra treatment. In the end the owner of the cat charity took her and she is happy in a house with about fifteen other cats. Ziggy and Star now rule my house and I am their slave. 

D. Dogs

I had dogs as a kid and I really love them. Sadly Mrs PM is more of a cat person, even though I mentioned that we owned a dog and a cat. I miss having a dog. 

E. Essential start to your day

Now that I am retired, I wake up naturally, apart from sometimes when Mrs PM wakes me up when she starts work. My first priority is to get dressed and go for a walk to wake myself up and get some exercise. My average walk length is about five miles per day and when I return, I have a shower and then a late breakfast. 

F. Favourite colour

Teal is my favourite colour but I also like blue, green and red. 

G. Gold or silver

I think silver looks better and I would rather have a silver watch than a gold one. 

H. Hand you favour (righty or lefty)

I am right handed. 

I. Instruments you play

When I was a kid, I played the trombone for five years because my dad thought that I would become a 1970’s version of Glenn Miller. Sadly, my taste in music developed to such an extent that the trombone wouldn’t fit into the styles I like. So I gave it up. 

Now, I am trying to teach myself the piano and, although progress is very slow, I can actually play some simple tunes. I also have a synthesiser and as a separate project I am trying to develop a cover version of “Just Can’t Get Enough” by Depeche Mode:

I am about halfway through and my plan is to use a DAW (Digital Audio Workstation) to record it as an mp3. The synthesiser also has a Vocoder which means that I can try to add vocals. I haven’t played with that part of it yet so I am hoping that it can autocorrect my terrible voice so that it doesn’t sound like I am trying to strangle one of my poor cats. If I am happy with the result I may share it. 

J. Job title

Retired. However, this time last year I was a Senior Software Engineer. 

K. Kids

I have two kids with my ex-wife (although they are both adults now). One of them is 29 years old and the other is 32 years old. This make me feel really old. Mrs PM calls them “The Clones” because they look startlingly similar to me (the poor lads). 

L. Live (rural, suburb, city)

I live in a pleasant suburb of South Manchester that has easy transport access to the city centre and various other districts of the city. It only takes about thirty minutes to be in the Cheshire countryside if I fancy a little taste of the rural life. I don’t think that I would like to live in the city centre though. Manchester is a wonderful place but the city centre is just a little too busy to reside in. 

M. Meal plans

I don’t have any meal plans. We tend to decide roughly what we will have but not rigidly. 

N. Nicknames

I’ve had a lot of nicknames over the years. Here are a few of them:

Snowy, Bagpuss, Joe 90, The Milky Bar Kid, Specky, Scrumper, Bricktop, Rambo, Mr Puniverse.

O. Overnight hospital stays

I have never stayed overnight in a hospital – nor do I want to. 

P. Pet peeves

This is a subject for about five hundred posts so I will list just one or two.

First, all politicians. They are either malignant narcissists like Donald Trump or Boris Johnson or they are slimy liars. I am particularly annoyed by Trump and Vance at the moment but there are plenty all over the world who make me angry.

Second, the increasing role that social media is being abused by people in the world. If you read my last post (which you can read here) you will see that I have a bog problem with influencers – and they are just the tip of the iceberg.

I could go on but this will be a very, very long post so I will stop. 

Q. Quote from a movie

R. Regrets

This relates to I above. I would have loved to have learned to play the guitar. 

I would also like to be fluent in a couple of other languages.

S. Siblings

I had two younger sisters but sadly the older one passed away a couple of years ago. I still miss her. My remaining sister lives near to Harrogate and we try to see each other as often as we can. 

U. Underwear

Yes – I wear underwear. 

V. Vegetable you love

I wouldn’t say that I love any vegetable but I do eat a lot of carrots, broccoli, courgettes (zucchini in America), peas and sweetcorn. I am happy to eat other vegetables too and I am one of those weird people who actually like sprouts. 

W. What makes you run late

Usually Mrs PM. I hate being late and she prefers to be “on time”, i.e. she runs the risk of being late. However, she has improved massively over the years and these days we are rarely late. 

X. X-rays you’ve had

The only X rays I have had are at the dentist. 

Y. Yummy food

I love most food to be honest. It would be easier to ask me about the foods I don’t like. I will say that these days I tend not to eat desserts but that’s not because I don’t like them.  

Z. Zoo animal

It’s got to be an elephant or a big cat. 

The Influencer

This is my 1000th post. 

I have a soundtrack song that skirts around the topic of this post. It is called #Addicted by my current favourite band Riverside, so listen along while you read (only if you want to of course). 

I want everybody to be like me. I want you all to listen to the same music as me, read the same books as me and base your fashion choices on my own. I want you all to have the same beliefs as me and basically use my ideas as a philosophy for your future choices. 

I want to influence you all. 

Okay, let me tell you one thing about the words I wrote above: they are complete and utter bollocks.

My own belief is that everybody should be as individual as they can be. People are unique in this world and that’s exactly what makes humanity so brilliant on the whole. You never know what you are going to get when you meet a new person.

Having said that, it is perfectly fine to get ideas from people to enhance your own life. I do this all the time. However, I am not a good role model at all. 

When it comes to fashion, I am totally inept. I have written about this before and if it wasn’t for Mrs PM I would wander around the streets of Manchester dressed like a sack of potatoes with legs, arms and a head. When I go shopping for clothes I am utterly clueless about what to buy. When Mrs PM and I first got together, one of the first things she did was to tell me (in no uncertain terms) what was wrong with my clothing choices. 

My musical taste, while it skirts around various genres, is a little bit niche. I like popular music like rock and pop of course but the music that I really love has been described to me as “an acquired taste”. I have also been described as a “musical dinosaur” and I didn’t like that one little bit (as you can probably tell since I mentioned it in the first place). 

The books I read are also very niche. I love anything really weird (the weirder the better), which means that I gravitate towards science fiction, horror and anything that is just – well – strange. The same goes for TV and movies. 

Why would anybody be influenced by that?

About a year before I retired, I started looking at potential hobbies to keep myself busy and one of the suggestions made me laugh out loud. That idea was: 

“Become an influencer”

What? At my age? Have you ever met me?

I have seen influencers in action in the flesh. I have seen people (mainly women) photographing themselves when they have bought new clothes, pouting in a way that would attract any fish with large lips. I have heard others (mainly men) bleating on about sports products and things to make them look like the latest Adonis and showing off their muscles in a way that makes them resemble a very poor man’s Arnold Schwarzenegger. 

The idea of being an Influencer is that you end up with an army of followers who hang on to your every word, your every image (no matter how bizarre) and all of your lifestyle choices, which includes things like the restaurants and bars that you got to, the meals you have every day and all of your amazing ideas, no matter how crazy they are. When you have this following, you reap the rewards with advertising and in extreme cases, companies giving you things to try in the hope that you will praise them allowing the company to get sales indirectly from you. 

I don’t want any of that. 

I would hate to see a Plastic Mancunian clone following me to a restaurant dressed exactly like me and telling me how influential I am. 

I am not influential at all. I use this blog to basically tell people what a weirdo I am, how incompetent I am and what an idiot I can be. And I welcome people laughing at my antics. 

But to follow me and try to be like me?

You have to be kidding. 

Equally I have no desire to obsessively base my lifestyle choices on a person I’ve only ever seen pictures of, who is really nothing but a gigantic show-off. For example I love rock music but I have never had the desire to pursue the hedonistic and debauched life style of some of my past favourite artists. 

You can rest assured that on the list of potential retirement hobbies that I have compiled, “become an influencer” is not on there at all. Mind you, I am a self-confessed weirdo so perhaps there are older people out there who may be tempted to listen to my advice, wear the same clothes that Mrs PM tries to get me to wear, read the same weird books and listen to the same weird music. However, I like to think that anybody who is my age is so set in their ways that the very thought of being influenced by me is as hilarious as the concept of Plastic Mancunian himself trying to become an influencer. 

Influencers just want fame and money for doing bugger all and I would never want to be one.

I say make your own choices. Don’t follow people – just be yourself. 

Life is too precious to live it vicariously. 

Bloggery Pokery

Welcome to a dull South Manchester where it is raining slightly and, for summer, quite a chilly day. Hopefully normal service will be resumed for the weekend.

This post answers questions about blogging and just out of interest, I checked the number of posts that I have made. By lucky chance I spotted that this is post number 999 so my next one will be 1000. I have a couple of ideas for post 1000 and I don’t want to mention this milestone there – so I will do it now (since we are talking about blogging)

Some of the bloggers I have read are far more prolific than I am; I tend to post once a week on average. I am now retired so in theory I could improve that post rate and perhaps I will try in the coming months. 

Before we dive into the questions (from Sunday Stealing as usual), I thought I would give you a little history. 

I started blogging in March 2008, so this means my blog is 17 years old. That makes me feel old because I was a mere child of 45 years old when I first started posting this drivel into cyberspace and inflicting it onto poor people who just happened to stumble on it. 

It was Mrs PM who encouraged me to start blogging because I was very tentative at first. There have been times over the years when I thought about giving up but I plodded on and now I am quite happy to continue. If nothing else, The Plastic Mancunian gives me an excuse to just write this garbage for people to read. 

The bad news for regular readers is that I fully intend to continue to blog for the foreseeable future but before I go on I would genuinely like to thank everyone who has stumbled on these pages of rubbish  and commented on the bizarre claptrap that comes from my brain. I will also continue with Sunday Stealing posts (because it is fun) but I will also try to post about the weirdness that pops into my head from time to time. 

Poor readers!

I may just give the blog an overhaul though for my 1000th post to make it look more modern and fresh. 

Watch this space!

Let’s dive in, shall we?

1. When are you at your blogging best – a.m. or p.m.?

I prefer to write in the morning when my brain is at its most fresh. However, I actually write posts at all times of the day, depending on what I have been doing. I am writing this particular post at 11:30 am so it will probably drift into the afternoon. 

2. How many blogs do you have? Please include the links in your answer.

I started a photo blog called The Plastic Mancunian’s Eye with the aim of regularly posting a photograph but I stopped way back in 2012. It still exists and the link is on the right. 

In the end I gave up with the blog because I found that I was posting photographs on this blog and I didn’t see the point of having two blogs. 

I did consider starting a blog dedicated to the music I love and I may still do that. Perhaps I’ll call it The Plastic Mancunian’s Ear. 

3. Do you prefer silence when you compose your posts and write your comments?

No. I listen to music. 

This is the lucky song that is currently accompanying this post.

I love listening to music when blogging because it helps me to relax more and, perhaps paradoxically, helps the creativity a bit. In fact, some of my posts have been inspired by listening to music, whether it be just a song title or the meaning of the song.

4. What's the grossest thing you've ever spilled on your keyboard?

In my former job, I once spilled an entire cup of tea on my keyboard and had to have it replaced, which didn’t please the IT department. At home, I am fortunate enough never to have done anything so clumsy. 

5. Ever posted while intoxicated?

Some people probably think that ALL of my posts are written while I am intoxicated. 

The truth is that absolutely none of them have been written under the influence of alcohol. Almost all my posts contain drivel and nonsense and I can only imagine what they would be like if I were intoxicated. I would almost certainly regret them and remove them later. 

Survivalism

Welcome to a cloudy but warm South Manchester. 

Yesterday I went to Old Trafford to watch day three of the fourth test match between England and India. It was a perfect day for cricket and a couple of records were broken by England’s Joe Root with the bat. 

We were in a stand where there were loads of Indian fans, including a very loud Bhangra band. The atmosphere was brilliant and we had a lot of fun. 

The match is still going on today (test matches last up to five days) and I will be watching some of it later from the comfort of my own armchair. 

Today’s Sunday Stealing questions look a bit trickier than usual. Let’s dive in and see if we can wrestle them to the ground, shall we?

1. You're on a trip taking a tour through the jungle. You have a backpack with some food, first aid supplies, a pocket knife, a flashlight and a couple bottles of water. Somehow, you get separated from your group. By night fall you haven't found your group and haven't heard them looking for you. How long do you think you would be able to survive on your own?

First of all, I wouldn’t take a trip in the jungle. I have a phobia of spiders and a lot of insects, particularly the ones that sting and bite. Also, I’m not overly keen on snakes and big creatures that can take a huge chunk out of my arm.

But let’s play along.

I’m sure that I would manage to survive for a short time and I would try to look for high ground or a water source. I’m an old git and I don’t think that would help my case either. That said, I am quite fit and I think I could manage to at least try to retrace my steps. That said, I’m no Bear Grylls so I think I might start to struggle when the food or water ran out. It also depends on temperature because I’m not very good in extreme heat. 

I probably wouldn't last too long if I am brutally honest.

2. Do you think it's okay to lie to spare someone's feelings? Why? 

Only if there is no way that you could be found out. I would rather tell somebody the truth than risk them finding out that I had deliberately lied to them, even if lying were an act of kindness. I hate it when people lie to me and, to me, trying to spare my feelings by lying is worse than just being open with me. 

3. If a talking doll were made to resemble you, what 3 phrases would it say?

“Hi there! Are you okay?” is my standard greeting to people so that would be one of them. 

“You’ve got to be joking!” is an expression that I use when I watching the news and something surprises me in a negative way (for example when most politicians open their lying mouths). 

“Do you fancy a brew?” is a phrase I use at home or when I used to work to find out if somebody wants a cup of tea or coffee. However, I also use this phrase when inviting somebody out for a pint at the pub so it serves a dual purpose. 

4. If the super power to be able to read minds at will was possible, do you think it would be... cool and helpful, intrusive and wrong, manipulative or maddening?

I think it would be incredible if I could read people’s minds and I would definitely use it when listening to politicians. However, even though I am a fairly nice, honest guy myself, I would hate to have my own mind read. Therefore I would have to concede that it would be intrusive, wrong, manipulative and maddening. 

If I discovered that I had the ability to actually read people’s minds and couldn't turn it off, then I would try to get a job where it did some good, like exposing the bullshit of politicians or perhaps in some law capacity to discover whether a suspect had actually done something terrible. 

5. Are drunk confessions things people can't bring themselves to say sober or just the crazy ramblings of an influenced and intoxicated mind?

That’s a very good question. I am quite a shy and sensitive person deep down and I rarely if ever expose anyone to my true feelings by confessing, even after a couple of beers. To be honest, when I have beer, I still like to have control of my feelings and it was only when I was a much younger person that I allowed that shield to slip under the influence of alcohol. For me, confessing something when drunk in my youth, was using alcohol to allow me to express my inner feelings by removing the barrier of shyness. 

For example, at the tender age of eighteen, I once confessed my feelings for a young lady and was rejected in the nicest way: “I like you as a friend, Dave. Nothing more!” 

That hurt and I realised that confessing with “Dutch courage” wasn’t a good idea. I stopped doing it for that reason. 

Mind you, I have had people confessing odd things to me when slightly drunk and I can see why some people think that drunken outpourings are just the crazy ramblings of a mind clouded by intoxication. Nevertheless, the phrase “in vino veritas” (“in wine there is truth”) is still relevant and no matter how crazy the nonsense pouring from somebody’s mouth is when they are drunk, there must be some truth in there. 

Dreaming in Black and White

Welcome to a rainy day in South Manchester. Rain has been pretty scarce in some parts of the UK this summer so some people will welcome the rain. Some British people are a little weird when it comes to weather. When we have a wetter than average summer, they will moan about the rain and crave hot sunny days. And when we get hotter than average summers (like the current one) they crave the rain. 

There’s just no pleasing some people. 

Personally, I would be quite happy for warm sunny days and rain showers during the night while I am asleep. I hope you are listening, Mother Nature.

Shall we dive in with some well-deserved silliness from Sunday Stealing? 

1. My bestie and I once ...

Before I answer this, I will just say that I hate the word “bestie”. It’s one of those newly invented words that are unnecessary. I understand that language evolves and that new words crop up, but why replace the two word phrase “best friend” with the cringeworthy word “bestie”? 

I don’t have and never have had a “bestie”. But I have had “best friends”. 

Okay – moan over.

My best friend and I once had a crazy brush with Scientology in Amsterdam.

At university, my best mate and I bought an Interrail ticket and set off for Europe. I will call him Wally to protect the guilty. Interrail tickets are basically used by people to travel across Europe by train and explore and this was my very first trip abroad. I was 19 years old. 

We were about to leave Amsterdam to travel to Munich in Germany and we had an afternoon to kill. As we were being tourists, a guy came up to us and asked if we would like to join in some research by answering a questionnaire. Always willing to help, the two of us walked into a building and joined a few others as we answered a set of multiple choice questions about our personalities. 

At the end, we were given a cup of coffee and asked to wait while another expert analysed our answers. 

I saw my person first, and she was a young woman with a sad looking face. 

“Hello,” she said with a forced smile. “How long are you staying here in Amsterdam?”

I told her we were leaving later in the evening and she said “I would advise you not to!”

Alarm bells began to ring. “Why?” I asked.

“You’re test shows that you are suicidal?” she replied, her face becoming serious. 

“WHAT???” I said. “I’m not suicidal.”

“Your answers reveal that you are very sad and depressed,” she said. “You may not believe it but you are. There is a darkness inside you that we need to help you with. And we can help you if you stay...”

I was a little naïve but I had enough nous to disagree with her bullshit. In the end, she tried to sell me a book by L.Ron Hubbard called “Dianetics” and I just got up and walked away. As I waited for Wally, I began a deep search within. Was I depressed? Was I suicidal? I knew the answer was no but I wondered how they could have drawn that conclusion from my answers, which in my opinion, if anything, told me the direct opposite.  

Just then, Wally came outside laughing. 

“Guess what?” he said. “I’m suicidal and if I don’t join their course then I’m in serious trouble. What a bunch of charlatans. ”

“Me too?” I laughed, realising that it was just a recruitment scam. I now realise that this is how Scientology works to draw you in. I had never heard of this cult masquerading as a religion at the time, but I have now, so much so that I watch all manner of TV programmes about it. I am fascinated with how they can get away with their stupid cult activities. I can see how they recruit followers, though. 

Thank goodness I’m not that gullible – even when I was a naïve teenager.

2. When I'm nervous ...

When I’m nervous, I try to distract myself by thinking of something else that is relaxing. I’ve used this technique when I had to give training courses for work. I hate public speaking and I have had to do it a number of times and I find distracting myself takes the edge off my fear. 

Mindfulness helps too. 

3. My hair ...

My hair is a sentient being that hates me. I have a bad hair day every day and I have to rectify that by taking a shower in an attempt to control it. My hair is short at the moment but it still tries to become a mess. When I was younger I had longer hair and I had to control it with hair spray. I used to take ages trying to beat it into submission.

In terms of colour, my hair used to be blond but has darkened with age, apart from the grey that has slowly been forming over the past fifteen years or so. Thankfully, I am not bald at all and my hair does make people think that I am younger than I actually am. 

I still hate it though. 

4. When I turn to the left, I see ...

When I turn to my left, I see that it is still raining. We have had a few days of warm sunny weather so I’m not too bothered. I also see our garden which is very nice. 

5. My favourite aunt ...

I don’t have a favourite aunt. My mum was an only child and my dad had two sisters so I only had two. One of them sadly passed away a couple of years ago and she was a lovely funny lady. Her sister and my other aunt is still with us and she is a lot quieter but she is a lovely lady. They both rank equally highly in my affections. 

6. I have a hard time understanding ...

I have a hard time understanding the way some people think, especially when they totally and absolutely believe in conspiracy theories. I’ve talked about this many times before. The evidence against their argument is overwhelming yet they throw all of that logic away and choose to embrace nonsense that has no proof whatsoever. A great example of this is Scientology (see above). 

7. You know I like you if ...

You know I like you if I continue having a conversation with you and I smile a lot. I like to think that I’m a nice guy anyway and there are very few people that I dislike. Most of the people I do dislike are famous arses (like Piers Morgan, Donald Trump, Nigel Farage etc.) but if I know you and I dislike you then I will simply avoid you. 

8. When I was 5 years old ...

I was at school, learning to read, learning my times tables and (according to people who knew me then) was a really cute kid with a mass of blond curls on top of my head. I only have vague memories of that time in my life and they are mostly about school and playing with various toys at home. I caught measles about that time and one thing I definitely recall about that was the horrific taste of the medicine I was prescribed. 

Spill It

Welcome to a very warm South Manchester where the temperature is a generous 32 °C (90 °F). We are having a heatwave in the UK at the moment, which is due to stay until Monday, when the temperatures will dip a little and some rain will appear. I’m going to a cricket match tomorrow and the weather will be perfect for that.

Until then, shall we answer some silly Sunday Stealing questions?  

1. If money wasn't an issue, would you move to a new home?

I wouldn’t move to a new area but I would be tempted to move to a bigger house. 

I live in quite a sought after area and house prices are quite expensive here. On my street there is a mixture of house styles from three bedroomed terraces to three bedroomed semi-detached houses but also there are some huge six bedroomed houses. I live in a fairly large three bedroomed mid-terrace house (dating from about 1900) and directly across the road is one of the big six bedroomed houses. 

I think if I were to move I would just go across the road to that one. I would do this because I like the street and I like the convenience of being able to get into the city easily as well as the local shops, restaurants and bars. 

2. Do you listen to different music when you're happy than when you're sad?

Kind of. When I am angry or animated I find mellow music quite soothing – something like this:

Songs like this are also good when I am on holiday. I love sitting on the balcony overlooking the sea and listening to mellow relaxing songs, especially when the sun is going down. Such songs also help if I am feeling a little sad.

If I am happy or getting ready to go out, I tend to listen more heavy material, like this:  

To be honest, though, heavier songs also help when I’m sad and angry because I just get lost in the music. 

3. What's your favourite way to unwind after a tough day?

Day’s aren’t so tough these days since I’ve retired. However, back when I was working, I had a kind of wind down routine when I got home after a tough day at the office. The first thing I would do was get changed and then make a piping hot cup of tea. And after that just switch off my brain and either watch something inane on the TV or just listen to some music. 

It used to be quite effective. 

4. What's the first book you remember from childhood?

I used to read a lot of Enid Blyton books when I was a kid but the one that sticks in my mind is “The Adventures of Mr Pink-Whistle”. 

5. What made you smile today?

Mrs PM and I usually have breakfast in the lounge and when we got in there we found our two cats sprawled out in our usual seats, fast asleep. Star(dust) was in my seat and I did my usual trick and gently lifted her so that I could sit down. Both of my cats hate being picked up but when they are sleepy it takes a while for them to realise what is happening. Star(dust) looked up at me with bleary eyes and then repositioned herself to lie next to my leg (one of her favourite places). 

Mrs PM did the same with Ziggy but he just stood there staring at me instead of lying down next to Mrs PM. He then looked down at Star and decided that he wanted to sit next to me as well. So he just plopped himself down half on top of Star and curled up. I had a mass of black cat next to me with legs and tails intertwined. 

And they both fell asleep immediately. 

That made both Mrs PM and I smile.