Tuesday 2 August 2011

Mr Rude

Allow me to introduce you to Mr Rude. You’ve almost certainly met him but just in case you have been lucky enough to have lived your life without bumping into this prize pillock, let me describe him for you.

Mr Rude is the man who drives a car right up your bumper on the motorway at 70 miles per hour because he is clearly in more of a hurry than you.

Mr Rude also flashes his lights at you while tailgating.

Mr Rude is the man who yells into his mobile phone when sitting next to you on a train (“I’m on a train, yah, heading to London for a high-powered meeting where I shall shout lots of business bullshit to people who are less well off than me.”).

Mr Rude is the man who has an ego that is so massive that he butts into a private conversation and refuses to go away despite blatant hints that his presence is not welcome.

Mr Rude is the man who tries to chat up your girlfriend right in front of you, despite the fact that she is holding your hand.

Mr Rude is the man who pushes into the front of the queue and then shrugs his shoulders when somebody speaks up, replying “What’s your problem?”

Mr Rude is the man who pushes in at the bar screaming “two pints of lager” and then when chastised by the likes of me, says “I was here first!”

Mr Rude is the man who decides that playing loud music on a Sunday night at 3am is totally acceptable and then, when confronted by his neighbours, says “What’s your problem?”

Mr Rude is the man who allows his dog to crap on your front lawn.

Mr Rude is the man who is sitting in the seats reserved for old and disabled people and refuses to give up his seat “on principle”.

Mr Rude is the man who parks in front of your drive, blocking you in and then says “The road’s not YOURS you know – what’s your problem?”

Mr Rude is the man who blows his nose in a handkerchief and then insists on showing it to you.

Mr Rude is also the man who coughs and sneezes at you without a handkerchief.

Mr Rude is the cigar smoking dickhead who blows his smoke into your face.

Mr Rude is the English tourist who shouts at foreigners in English, and gets upset when they walk away in disgust.

Mr Rude is the man who gobs right in front of you.

Mr Rude is the motorist who hogs the middle lane of the motorway.

Mr Rude is the man who wants to be in Business Class on a flight and then decides to take it out on the stewardesses when he fails to get an upgrade from Economy Class (presumably because he was rude at the check in desk).

Mr Rude is the person who is more interested in texting somebody than talking to you.

Mr Rude is the man who belches while eating and sprays tiny globules of food all over those eating next to him as he talks with his mouth full of food.

Mr Rude is the man who refuses to hold a door open for you as you approach with your hands full.

Mr Rude is the man who invites himself to your social events even when nobody wants him to be there.

Mr Rude is also a Keyboard Warrior.

We all know Mr Rude. And don’t forget, he has a sister called Ms Rude.

Have you met Mr Rude?


Elephant's Child said...

And did you notice how often the Rude clan imply that it is your fault 'Whats YOUR problem?'. And they would never, ever accept that your problem is their family.

Plastic Mancunian said...

Hi EC,

That's exactly what happened with the "music at 3am" incident. After I had almost smashed down his door (he couldn't hear because his music was so loud), I heard him say "There's something wrong with my neighbours..." - I almost thumped him. Thank God he has now moved on.




Kath Lockett said...

Karma. There. Has. To. Be. Karma.

....or at least some reincarnation process so that the Mr and Ms Rudes of this world come back as cockroaches or mine sweepers.

Anji said...

Karma PM, Karma. He'll be got in the end.

The bloke in a hurry tailgating just gets a friendly wave as I slow down pulling a face so that he can see in my rear view mirror that I'm trying to work out if I know him. It drives them mad

Plastic Mancunian said...

Bonjour Kath,

I hope so. Wouldn't it be nice if that were true? I wonder whether dung beetles and cockroaches have conversations about how rude they were in a previous existence?




Plastic Mancunian said...

Hi Anji,

Both you and Kath have suggested Karma - therefore it MUST be true. I shall consider saying somthing like "I hope you enjoy life as a cockroach in your next life."

Also, I love your tailgating suggestion - I might try that soon.




BalimOz said...

The karma came to us and make it really happen

Plastic Mancunian said...

Hi BalimOz,

Karma is definitely becoming the law.