Me, Myself and I

Welcome to another dull Autumn day here in South Manchester. It was a bit drizzly on my walk this morning but now the weather seems to have improved; I can actually see the sun and some blue sky. 

Let’s dive into some silly questions from Sunday Stealing, shall we? 

1. When do I feel most authentically myself

That’s a good question and one that it difficult to answer. I guess it is when I am with close friends and of course Mrs PM. They all know exactly what I am like and they all accept the real me so I can let the barriers down to a certain extent to allow them to see the real me. Don’t get me wrong, when I am in the company of other people who I don’t know so well, they usually get a glimpse of the real me but I am a little reluctant to unleash the real Plastic Mancunian on them – at least until I get to know them better. 

2. What I'm thankful for today

I am thankful that I am retired. I am enjoying it. 

3. A memory I hope I never forget

I have a fairly good memory despite the fact that I am getting older. Mrs PM is always remarking upon trivialities that I recall. I don’t want to forget any happy memories, whether that means my kids, holidays or past events that have made me happy. No particular one memory leaps to mind; they are all important.

4. Other ways I connect with long distant friends

I usually connect with people using WhatsApp these days. I do use things like Facebook and occasionally I connect with long distance mates that way – but rarely. I never write letters and I rarely call people unless it is an emergency. I do have one university mate who I call the Luddite because he still has a phone from the 1990’s – one of those indestructible Nokia 3310 phones that apparently you can still get.

I contact him via text or via email and despite trying to persuade him for years to get a smartphone, he refuses to do so. 

And this guy used to work in IT too. I don’t understand. 

5. How I reconnect with myself when I feel lost

I put on music. 

Music takes me away from life’s problems and ironically when I get lost in the music, I find myself. 

6. What would be my signature drink if I owned a café

I’m boring when it comes to tea and coffee. I have black decaf coffee with no sugar and decaf tea with a hint of skimmed milk and no sugar. I think it would have to be a pure fruit smoothy made of oranges, apples and possibly peach, nectarine or mango. 

7. Something I’ve let go of, as I’ve grown older

I am still a little immature sadly – even at my age (regular readers may well have already guessed this) so I haven’t really let go of anything. I still play PS4/PS5 games for example, I still go to gigs, I still act like an idiot and I laugh at puerile things. 

I guess the only thing I have let go of is doing things that require a burst of adrenaline. Also I don’t play sports now – I just walk. 

8. The things I’m most likely to lie about

I am not that much of a liar (honestly) but there are occasions when I have fibbed about the reasons I don’t want to go out. The truth is that I am too tired but the lie is that “I have stuff to do”. 

9. What’s something I wish I had more time to learn

Everything. People say that it is never too late to stop learning and they are right. But as I pursue Spanish, French and the piano, I honestly wish that I had started about 20 years earlier. I would have been much better now. 

10. Social media trends that puzzle me

“Influencers”.

I’ve seen one in action. We were in Spain having a coffee and this rather attractive lady appeared next to the beach in front of us with a bag full of clothes and a stand. She then changed in the toilet in the café and mounted her phone on a stand taking photos of herself pouting with the sea behind her, while posing in the clothes, before changing them and then repeating. We watched her for about forty minutes. 

She had been either sent clothes or bought them and was posing for her Instragram feed. 

I also heard of an “influencer” who tried to get a free meal at a restaurant saying that he would write a good review on his food because he had several hundred thousand sheep – er sorry people – following him. 

The owner of the restaurant told him to bugger off and this “influencer” threatened to write a bad review as he stormed out. 

The other thing that puzzles me is people posting endlessly about their lives on things like Facebook and Instagram. Do I really want to see what Fred Bloggs is having for breakfast? Or that he feels a little “blessed” today? Or that he is staying in to watch Masterchef instead of going to the pub with his great mates? 

The answer is no!

I do realise that I own a blog and that I sometimes post crap about myself but these guys are in a league of their own. Everything they eat, say and feel is posted ad nauseam every ten minutes so that we can live our mundane meaningless lives through them 24 hours a day. 

Sorry for the minor hypocrisy, dear reader, because I realise that posting about myself on this blog could be construed as this kind of activity. 

11. Local phrases and terms I use often

I don’t really use Mancunian slang because although I have lived here for 40 years I didn’t grow up here as a child. Nevertheless I have picked up a few phrases and words that the folks of Northern England use. 

For example: 

“Butty” which means “sandwich”. 

“Hi, y’alright?”  which is a greeting. 

“I’ll have a brew” which means “I’ll have a cup of tea”

“I had to leg it for the bus” – “I had to run for the bus”.

“Nowt” which means “nothing” (as in “What are you up to?” – “Nowt”). 

“Scran” which means food. 

12. If I could only wear only three colours, I’d pick these...

Any shade of blue, black and red. 

13. Favourite books, music, tv, movies, and media this month

Book: I’ve recently finished “The House at the End of the World” by Dean Koontz

Music: I’ve been listening to the brilliantly titled Powernerd, the new album by Devin Townsend. The title track is quite entertaining (as is the video):

TV: I’ve been enjoying a very good Netflix show called Sense8:

Movies: I haven’t seen any new movies this month so I will just mention the one that I saw last at the cinema (a couple of months ago): Deadpool & Wolverine

Media: Okay – I guess by media, you mean You Tube or something like that. I visit You Tube quite often just to see what is going on or to look at music videos. One of my favourites is a comedian called Tom Walker who has invented character called Jonathan Pie who hates the Conservative party and appears in five minute videos on You Tube showing “outtakes” where he is professionally reading the news but then when they link back to the studio, he embarks upon a five minute expletive filled rant about what he really thinks. Here is his reaction to the UK election that happened four months ago. 

Forrest Trump

Welcome to a dull, grey but dry South Manchester. The sun was shining earlier but now it’s hiding behind a blanket of cloud. 

First of all, can I just ask a question? 

America - what have you done?

Although I suspected that it might happen, I am still shocked to discover that the new president of the United States of America is the same orange malignant narcissist who was kicked out last time. This man is a convicted criminal, a liar and tried his best to incite a riot and stamp all over democracy. He tells lies that would make Boris Johnson blush and somehow people believed the crap coming out of his mouth, crap I hasten to add that people over here laugh at. I wonder how our Prime Minister, Keir Starmer, is going to deal with him. It will be like trying to reason with a toddler. 

Rather him than me, I can tell you.

I’m sorry, dear American readers, but I can’t believe you elected Trump AGAIN! 

Still, I may have some material for future blog posts when the buffoon screws up. 

Shall we answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1. Hobbies I've learned from a friend

I don’t think I have learned any hobbies from friends really. I decided to try my hand at writing on my own and I am teaching myself how to play the piano. Sadly I don’t know anyone else who can play the piano, apart from Mrs PM who is better than me but not much better. I would like to have a Spanish pen pal I guess as I think that would help a lot with Spanish. An American friend of mine suggested a web site for this, so I may well pursue it in future. 

I guess I could say some music that I have discovered over the years is due to a group of lads I go to gigs with – does that count?

2. My physical activity preferences

I used to run, play football and swim but now, as an older gentleman, my physical activity of choice is walking. This is mainly because it wouldn't be easy pursuing such activities at my age. 

Since retirement I have increased the distance I walk and last month I averaged over 10,000 steps per day. I will try to maintain those dizzy heights providing I can find some willpower over the winter months. It helps not having to get up at 6am to be honest. 

3. Music I think is essential for everyone to hear

Progressive rock. Progressive rock typically comprises a musician or group of musicians who play rock music but also experiment with different sounds and different genres. Some people say that it is self-indulgent and while I can see their point, some of the music that springs forth from their creative minds is incredible. 

Here are a couple of examples. First Rush – who introduce a little reggae into the proceedings:

Devin Townsend praises coffee with a little country and a soupcon of heavy metal. 

Dream Theater with some throat singing and a choir and of course some heavy metal:

4. Something I have to relearn every time I do it

As I advance in Spanish, I am trying to get to grips with some of the more complex grammatical rules, particularly some of the idioms and the use of the subjunctive, which seems to be more prevalent in the language than it is in English. 

I have to keep reminding myself of the rules. 

5. When I start thinking about holiday season planning

The term “holiday season” seems to be an American one that includes Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year. In the UK we only have the latter two of those. I usually start thinking about Christmas in vague terms in September, i.e. where am I going to be? Where do we spend Christmas Day? What about New Year’s Eve? So far we know what we are doing over the Christmas period but New Year is still in the dark. 

6. Quirks & preferences I have about writing letters

I don’t write letters. However, if I were to write letters then I would try to make them light-hearted, funny and interesting; something I like to experience myself when I read letters. 

7. If I had to limit my reading to only 3 genres, I’d pick...

I am going to assume you are talking about fiction genres. 

I would select horror, science fiction and political thrillers in the style of Robert Ludlum. 

8. When joining teams, would I rather lead or follow

Both. 

I am quite happy being a follower when the so-called leader knows what he is doing. But over the years I have been frustrated when such people go in the wrong direction (in my opinion) and that is the time when I felt like, and sometimes did actually take over. 

9. What’s my dream concert, and who would be performing

I am going to assume that you mean right now, i.e. not including artists who have retired or passed away- bands that are still performing. The concert would be a festival with each band playing a two hour set. There would be four bands . The openers would be Dream Theater (from 12:00 to 14:00):

I would then unleash Devin Townsend onto an unsuspecting audience (from 14:30 to 16:30)

Next would be Steven Wilson and Porcupine Tree (from 17:00 until 19:00):

The headliners would be Riverside playing from 20:00 until the curfew. 

10. The funniest, weirdest, silliest, animal/pet I’ve ever met

That would be have to be one of my current cats. Her name is Star (short for Stardust) and she is funny, weird and silly. 

We had to buy a fireguard to stop her from climbing up the chimney and also, from trying to attack the flames of the fire. Even now, she tried to pull the fireguard over. 

When she comes in, she demands attention and miaows until you stop what you are doing and give her the fuss she deserves. 

When I was working, she would walk onto my desk and lie down just in front of the keyboard and sprawl across my arms, making it really difficult to type. She has also sent emails on my behalf. She has even joined me in meetings much to the amusement of my work colleagues. 

Every day, she has several mad moments where she and her brother Ziggy race around the house like cats possessed. 

The scary thing that she does is wanders quite far. There is a school at the end of our road and one day I walked past and saw here in the playgorund. She recognised me and came running over, miaowing. She then followed me all the way home, trotting behind me, miaowing indignantly. She was like a dog. 

Also, she has set off behind me when I have been for walks. I've had to turn back so that she would follow me back home before setting off again. 

Here she is with me on my desk last year:

11. How has love changed for me over the years

I don’t think it has changed. I think these days I am far more content and therefore I feel love for a lot more people and things than I used to as a younger man. 

12. A book, movie, or song that brings me a sense of peace

I read books and see movies to escape the real world and in a sense that provides peace. No book or movie in particular does that specifically. 

However, music is amazing for that. One of my go to songs is an ambient masterpiece by French electronic duo Air. The song is called “La femme d’argent” and it is beautiful. No prog or heavy metal in sight. It’s an interesting video too. It’s not the official video, just something that somebody made. It shows the view from a  tram going down Market Street in San Franscisco in 1906 just four days before the great earthquake hit that wonderful city. 

13. Names I like but wouldn’t suit me

There is an English football player who has a brilliant name: Max Power. I would love to have that name but it wouldn’t suit me at all. Here are some other names I like that simply would make me look ridiculous if I introduced myself with them:

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Bastian Schweinsteiger

Jean-Claude Van Damme

Rip Torn

Freddie Mercury

Boris Karloff

Wolf Blitzer

14. What’s a part of myself I’m still working to understand

I am still working to understand every aspect of myself. I am a walking oxymoron, a paradox personified. I know the kind of person I want to be and I sometimes take steps to become that person before slipping back into the odd weirdo that I am. 

Don’t get me wrong; I like myself think I’m a great person but I don’t understand some of my own foibles. They don’t make sense to me. Now I have taken steps to try to eradicate some of my quirks and it has worked. The problem is that other new quirks pop up to replace them.

I guess I am destined to be weird. 

And I don’t understand why. 

It’s fun though. I guess I will always be me.

15. Something I love about myself today

Having answered the last question, I am very happy that I have the ability to be self-deprecating. We are all human and some people refuse to acknowledge their flaws. I share a lot of mine on this blog (not all of them) and usually have a laugh doing so. I think people like honesty and I try to be honest. I’m not perfect at all – as I have said – I am weird. In fact one of Mrs PM’s favourite things to say to me is “Don’t be weird!” because she sees me in my natural state, warts and all. 

And I am happy with that. As I am to share this with you dear reader. 

I mean what kind of pillock would call himself Plastic Mancunian?

November

Welcome to a dull and overcast South Manchester. It’s not raining thank goodness but it isn’t the greatest day we’ve ever had. Last week the clocks went back one hour so now it gets dark earlier, which means those nights are drawing in. 

Last night it was Hallowe’en so Mrs PM and I strolled to the pub to avoid the kids banging on our door shrieking “trick or treat”. As we walked, we did see them out and about and some of the costumes were entertaining. In the pub itself Hallowe’en decorations were up and the bar staff were also dressed up. 

I’ve moaned about Hallowe’en before on this blog. The thing I object to is the commercialisation of it. To me the commercialisation of it is an American thing and, as a nation, sadly, we are slowly embracing this commercialisation. As I walked down our street I saw several houses where the owners had decorated with pumpkins, spiders webs, skeletons and various other bits and pieces from horror movies. We never used to do that in the UK. There were always stories and stuff like that but giving out sweets and dressing up is something from the States. 

Still – each to their own. I enjoyed my pint of ale. 

I’ll stop being a grumpy old git now and answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing. 

1. Local events, parades or festivals – either in your hometown or state

We have loads of events and parades and events in Manchester throughout the year. Here are some of them:

Manchester International Festival – includes art, performances and music throughout Manchester for a couple of weeks in July.

Manchester Pride – a famous weekend in August that celebrates LGTQB+ with parades music and general fun. I’ve wandered around the city when this happens and it is a fun experience.

Parklife – A huge music festival held annually in Heaton Park. Sadly, it’s not my kind of music but it is a huge event for younger folks. 

Sounds of the City – a series of headline gigs from a variety of established musical artists in the Castlefield area. I have attended one of these – Porcupine Tree last year. It was excellent. 

Oktoberfest – a beer and food festival in a similar vein (but much smaller scale) to the Munich Oktoberfest. We have been for the last two years and it is amazing fun.

Chinese New Year – a huge parade to celebrate Chinese New Year always occurs in the city centre. I’ve been a couple of times and it was great fun, with great food too. 

There are more and even locally to me. For example, last week we went to a beer festival for our local area and in attendance was the Mayor of Greater Manchester himself who Mrs PM accosted for a photograph. 

There’s always something going on. 

At Christmas, there will be a Christmas parade and the Christmas Markets will be erected for a month. That’s always fun.

2. Life update – what’s happened recently, moving house, family wedding, vacation, new pet, visited with a friend, and so on.

The only significant thing that has happened recently is my retirement. And I love it. 

3. Do you have any family traditions this month?

Not really. November is one of the weirdest months of the year for me. Winter is coming and it gets darker quicker, as I said above, so I should find it slightly depressing. However, the countdown to Christmas has already begun so I find myself buoyed by that, rather than November itself. We don’t typically plan anything this month because December is always very busy. 

4. The holidays are about two months away, do you begin shopping or creating now or wait until December?

I prefer to start in November because I hate shopping. Shopping in December is pure madness because the shops are rammed full of manic shoppers.

5. What is your favourite November memory?

I’m struggling to think of one to be honest. It’s a bit of a boring month. 

6. Now that the weather is getting cooler do you prefer? Staying indoors or going outdoors? What do you do?

I like to go outdoors still. I walk every morning and at lunchtime too usually. It’s still autumn and at the moment the parks are full of colourful leaves and it isn’t too cold just yet. That will change as November goes on but I will still brave the weather as it gets worse. Winter tends to be a time when I spend more time indoors generally; it’s cosier. 

7. Describe your favourite local restaurant

We have a couple of decent restaurants within a ten minute walk. There is a Nepalese restaurant that has won awards, a couple of decent Italian restaurants, two local English restaurants that are quite expensive for special occasions but the food is divine, a Turkish restaurant, a Chinese restaurant and others that I haven’t tried that have good reputations. We don’t have to go to the city centre to get a good meal. Typically If we go for a meal, we will pop to the pub first for an aperitif and then have our lovely meal. 

8. Thanksgiving or Friendsgiving?

I’ve never heard of Friendsgiving but I believe it is related to Thanksgiving. Either way it doesn’t happen in the UK so I would say neither for me. One day I may be in the US during Thanksgiving and if so perhaps I could learn more about it. 

9. If you could take any class, what would you select?

I am thinking of going to a Spanish class next year. I would also consider a creative writing class. 

10. To celebrate November would you rather enjoy pumpkin pie or sweet potato?

I don’t like sweet potato on its own. However, I have had a mix of sweet potato and normal potato mash, which is quite nice. I have never had pumpkin pie. 

11. How do you handle setbacks and failures?

They annoy me but not for long. I have learned from such things in the past and while I find them irritating, I recognise that they can improve things ultimately. 

12. If everything in your house had to be one colour, which colour would you choose?

That colour would be blue, assuming I were allowed to have different shades of it (and I was allowed to include teal which is a kind of green-blue).

13. Who or what would you haunt if you were a ghost?

I would haunt the entire world. Part of me hopes that when I eventually shuffle off this mortal coil, I will become a ghost that has access to everything and everyone. I would basically become a stowaway and visit the places in the world where I hadn’t made it to in real life. 

14. Have you ever worn clothing with the labels still attached?

Yes – once or twice. I recall being at university and a girl I liked said “New trousers, Dave?” I was delighted because she had noticed me but then I saw the reason why – and was totally embarrassed.

15. What's something weird that you recommend everyone try at least once?

Play the air guitar. 

Here is a couple of photographs of me at a wedding from several years ago (2013), trying to emulate Slash when Paradise City was played. I hasten to add that the inflatable guitar wasn’t mine. The groom was a huge fan of rock music, Guns'n'Roses in particular, and came armed with the guitar and top hat. It was weird but great fun. I would recommend it. 

Do you think Slash considers me to be competition?

See if you can spot the real Slash from the photos below.

 

To Do, To Do

 

Welcome to a cloudy but dry South Manchester. It’s a little dull and the clouds are a kind of light grey and it is a little chilly as we head towards November. The clocks go back on Sunday and the nights are drawing in. As they say in Game of Thrones – Winter is Coming.

That sounds depressing (I hate winter) so I think it’s time to cheer myself up with some silly questions from Sunday Stealing. 

1. What’s your guilty pleasure? 

I don’t believe that guilty pleasures exist. If I like something, then I who cares?

However, there seems to be a movement that insists upon the existence of such things. These people seem to forget that every human being is different and no two people are really alike, even though they both like similar things. 

Based on the type of music I like, people might want to pop me into a certain category. In which case, here is a song that may be classed as a guilty pleasure for me based solely on my musical preferences. To me it isn’t a guilty pleasure – it’s a song I like. You may disagree but I care not one jot.

2. Which meal is your favourite: breakfast, lunch, or dinner?

I think that would have to be dinner, though I do like a good hearty breakfast at the weekend. 

3. What do you do when you want to chill out after a long day?

I usually become a couch potato briefly and collapse on the sofa in front of a good TV programme. It’s relaxing and it takes me away to a different place. 

4. How would you spend your ideal weekend?

Now that I am retired, weekends have become a little weird, I have to say. I’m still getting used to them to be honest. What I’m trying to do is to settle into a daily routine from Monday to Friday so that I can leave my weekends more free to spend time with Mrs PM (who is of course still part of the rat race). Ideally, we will go out somewhere and do something interesting. For example, tomorrow we are going to Harrogate, across the Pennines, to visit my sister and have a wander around that lovely Yorkshire town. 

5. Do you listen to podcasts, or mostly just music? What’s your favourite podcast?

I mostly listen to music but recently I have been trying to improve my Spanish by listening to Spanish podcasts during my morning walk. I struggle to understand Spanish spoken by native Spanish speakers so although I can read and understand a lot of the language, I find it really tricky to listen to people. I’ve started listening to an American Spanish teacher who is telling easy stories in Spanish – and it is helping a little bit. The stories are simple and repetitive but I do understand them. I am hoping to graduate onto listening to more complex stuff spoken by native speakers at some point in the future. 

6. Do you prefer to go to the movies or watch movies at home?

It depends on the movie. If it’s a huge science-fiction blockbuster the cinema is definitely the best place. 

7. What was your favourite TV show growing up?

That’s a difficult question. I loved programmes like Dr Who and Star Trek (the original series) as well as comedy shows like Monty Python’s Flying Circus and Fawlty Towers. 

For example I love this Monty Python sketch – it is so clever. 

I also loved the Banana Splits and cartoons like The Pink Panther Show.

8. What’s your favourite TV show now?

Again – a very difficult question. I love shows like The Boys, Game of Thrones, Sons of Anarchy and Stranger Things. There’s great comedy around like Curb Your Enthusiasm and, of course Dr Who is still going strong. 

Hand on heart, though, I think The Boys is my current favourite. 

9. How would you spend your birthday if money was no object? 

I would spend a week or so in Hong Kong with Mrs PM. We are tentatively planning to go to Malaysia next year and, of course, we will visit Hong Kong on the way back. 

10. What’s your favourite season? What do you love most about it?

Summer is my favourite season because it is usually warm, sunny, verdant and the days are long. Also, there is a lot going on during the summer months and, while I love the UK, I take the opportunity to go abroad as well. 

11. Do you prefer camping or going to the beach? 

I’ve only camped once in my life and I didn’t really enjoy myself. I think given the choice, a day at the beach would be much more preferable. 

12. Which phone app do you think you use the most?

It is one of the following: 

You Tube, Spotify, my bank app, Google Chrome, Google Calendar, Duolingo, the camera, email, WhatsApp. 

13. Would you instead cook, order delivery, or go out to eat? 

I think going out to eat is preferable. Personally I don’t like cooking. We rarely order food for delivery. 

14. How do you drink your coffee?

I drink my coffee decaffeinated and black without sugar (an Americano if you prefer). 

15. If you could have any animal as a pet, what would you choose?

Ideally I would like a dog and a cat or two. But I am happy with my two lovely little cats.  

The Fake Plastic Mancunian

A lot of people are scared of Artificial Intelligence (AI) – possibly because they have considered the movie, The Terminator, to be a documentary rather than a science-fiction movie. My career was IT, and towards the end of that career, the role of AI started to grow in importance to the point where, now, it is a science in its own right and is improving massively. 

I never really encountered AI during my career at all but it has always been there, probably since the very beginning when I was at university, grappling with computers for the first time. I seem to recall there was a course in my final year on that very subject (we are talking 1983 or 1984 here). 

AI is definitely not a new concept. 

The difference is that now a lot more people know about and use AI. And of course it has evolved spectacularly in the last 40 years or so. Equally, a lot of people are expressing concerns about the spread of AI and what people are using it for. 

A good friend of mine is a huge fan of AI. I studied the same course as him at university and recently he has been working a lot more with the concept. A year or so ago, on a university reunion in Amsterdam, he introduced me to ChatGPT and I was very impressed by it, I have to say. My mate is using it for a project he is currently working on. We also had chats about it on the most recent reunion in Budapest and, now that I am retired and have more time, I thought I would have a little play with it myself. 

Here are some initial findings.

If you aren’t familiar with ChatGPT, you can ask it to do things like write an essay about what to do in Amsterdam in the style of Jeeves and Wooster and it will go ahead and do it for you. There is also a lot more it can do - but in today's post I will just scratch the surface.

I have given ChatGPT two simple tests. The first is:

Tell me about “The Plastic Mancunian” Blog. 

Here’s what it said:

The Plastic Mancunian is a personal blog started in 2008 by a blogger known as "PM." It covers a wide range of topics, including personal reflections, pop culture, music, and humor. The blogger often shares opinions on politics, such as their dissatisfaction with certain political figures like Boris Johnson, and thoughts on various life experiences and social topics.

PM also interacts with readers through comments, often discussing shared interests like cats, spirituality, and even delving into more lighthearted exchanges about food or travel. PM is candid, sharing both humorous and serious takes on life, including memories of being bullied in school and reflections on taking politics more seriously in recent years.

In addition to the main blog, PM runs two other related blogs: The China Chronicles, documenting travels in China, and The Plastic Mancunian's Eye, which seems to focus on photography.

The blog offers a blend of entertainment, personal anecdotes, and community interaction, making it a relatable and engaging space for readers.

I'm quite pleased with that. Not only does it "know" about me, it was quite generous and kind. It also provided a couple of links to one or two of my blog posts. 

My second test is a lot trickier. I want to see just how good ChatGPT is. Here's what I have asked it to do. 

Write a blog post about how boring chess is in the style of “The Plastic Mancunian Blog”. 

Let me tell you now – the result is scary because it is quite accurate and reflects how I would pontificate about how boring chess actually is. I could have written this myself. Here is the blog post in full – written by ChatGPT in my style. It has even given it a great title:

Chess: The Cure for Insomnia?

Let’s talk about something that is universally acknowledged (well, at least by me) to be the most boring pastime ever created: chess. Yes, I know, it’s supposed to be the “game of kings,” the ultimate intellectual showdown where grandmasters furrow their brows, pondering moves with more depth than a philosopher on an existential bender. But seriously, after a few minutes, I’d rather be watching paint dry. And that’s saying something.

Chess aficionados will tell you how “exciting” it is, filled with strategy, cunning, and the thrill of outwitting your opponent. But, as I see it, here’s the actual process: move a piece, wait for what feels like an eternity, watch your opponent do the same, rinse and repeat. I mean, where’s the action? Where’s the fun? It’s just two people staring at a board, trying to remember if a bishop moves diagonally or in zigzags (I’m joking, I know how it moves… sort of).

Honestly, I’ve tried to understand the appeal. I’ve even dabbled in it myself. I can grasp why some people love the mental challenge. But for me? I’m more likely to enjoy watching grass grow. It’s not that I’m against intellectual games—give me a good puzzle, a riddle, or even a quiz night at the local pub. At least then, there’s a bit of interaction, a bit of spice, some banter.

And don’t get me started on those chess commentators during the big matches. They whisper excitedly, “Oh look, he’s moved his knight to C5!” while I’m over here thinking, “Mate, he just moved a horse-shaped piece from one square to another. Wake me up when something explodes.”

Now, some of you might be thinking, PM, you’re just not patient enough. Well, I am the first to admit that I am a person who needs some form of entertainment that doesn’t require a magnifying glass to detect. Chess is too slow. By the time a player’s checked mate, I’ve mentally redecorated my living room, reorganized my sock drawer, and questioned all my life choices.

To be fair, I know it’s a game that demands skill. And hats off to those who can sit through it. It’s just not for me. If you ever invite me for a chess match, don’t be offended when I politely decline and suggest a game of something more... lively. You know, like Monopoly. At least then we can have a proper argument over fake money instead of waiting 10 minutes for someone to decide if they’re moving a pawn or a knight.

So, my friends, if you ever find yourself unable to sleep, forget counting sheep—just watch a chess tournament. You’ll be out cold in no time.

How scary is that? To be honest, I also feel a little flattered because I think it has almost managed to copy my own style, using phrases that I would use and also capturing my light-hearted and humorous observations about the subject matter,

A tool like this could potentially write all of my blog posts for me.

Of course, I will never allow that to happen because the whole point of writing a blog post is that it is something you created personally and there is a certain pride in that. 

I want to say "I wrote that!" rather than "ChatGPT wrote that for me!"

Having said that, I can definitely see its potential and how it can make life easy for people. 

I don’t have a huge problem with that but for me personally the whole point is that I have created it from my own brain rather than posting how a piece of intelligent software interpreted the way I would create something. 

To conclude (for now) I would like to thank ChatGPT for such a nice summary of my blog and also for a great attempt at writing a post about chess being boring in the way that I would have written it.

There is much more to come from me on this topic because I have decided to dive in and see how far I can go with this. There will definitely be more posts on this subject. 

Watch this space.

P.S. You can rest assured that future posts will be all my own work. 

A Few of my Favourite Things

Welcome to a crisp and sunny South Manchester. It’s lovely outside and a typical autumn day. In the park earlier, the wind was blowing gently through the trees, loosening the red and orange leaves, causing them to gently float to the ground. I love summer but autumn days like today are also lovely.

Let’s dive in with some silly questions from Sunday Stealing.

1. What’s the best birthday party you’ve ever had?

That would be my surprise 30th birthday party, which happened just over 32 years ago. I was very depressed about the thought of turning 30 and, as usual, I didn’t want a fuss. I’ve never been happy about being the centre of attention at all and traditionally a milestone birthday forces such things upon you. My ex-wife assured me that she wouldn’t make a fuss and that it would be treated as a normal birthday. 

What I didn’t realise was that she was lying and had planned a major event in our house with the help of the wives of some of my mates. Leading up to my birthday, my mates would drag me out of the house and this was so that the wives could get together and plan the party. 

On the night of the party itself, she took me for a meal and as soon as the meal had finished, she told me that she felt a little poorly and wanted to go home. I was happy with that, so we drove home. I unlocked the door and saw people in my house. My immediate reaction was “We’re being burgled!” but then I recognised the people. 

It was a traditional “SURPRISE!!” and I was overwhelmed. We had a houseful of guests, some of whom had come from other places and were staying over in our small house. 

At first I was annoyed but then, gradually, I started to enjoy myself and, as it went on until the early hours, we had a lot of fun. 

Having said that, I don’t want another one and when the other three significant birthdays approached, I implored Mrs PM not to do the same. Thankfully, she has listened to me - so far. 

2. Where is your favourite place you’ve ever visited?

Hong Kong. I did a calculation recently and I reckon I have spent about 18 months of my life there. As I mentioned in my previous post, I worked on airport systems and for Hong Kong, they were building the new airport called Chek Lap Kok. This meant that during the first few years of the project (and it did go on for a couple of years) I was travelling there frequently and working on what was effectively the world’s biggest building site. At first I didn’t really like it because we stayed in the New Territories and took a boat from there to Chek Lap Kok every day, as the new transport infrastructure was also being built. 

My last stint there ended in 1999, when I spent three months supporting the now live system for the new airport that had opened in 1997. I also helped to ensure that the dreaded Millennium Bug didn’t strike later that year. We worked hard but by now I was staying in the Central area of Hong Kong Island - well more accurately Mid-Levels where the world’s longest covered escalator takes you up to from Central. 

Mrs PM and I had such a great time there that it will always be my favourite place on Earth and we return there as often as we can. 

3. How do you like to spend your free time? 

This is a good question now that I have retired. I finished work about a month ago and since then I have been on two holidays and had things to sort out, meaning that I haven’t really had a chance to make a plan of action, especially in terms of habits. 

I usually start of the day with some Spanish and French, and then I go for the first of my morning walks. I return, shower and have breakfast before practicing the piano. Later I go for a second shorter walk with Mrs PM and then we have lunch. And then I try to do some writing of some kind. To be honest, I need to plan this better because I have to work on a novel, a memoir and some blog posts as well as freewriting. Sadly, at the moment I haven’t really managed to plan this better which means I only get to write a blog post on Fridays (i.e. today). What I need to do is to plan my writing timetable better – and I intend to do that next week (but I can't promise). 

Also, something I haven’t mentioned before, my company offered me a retirement gift which I was quite surprised about. So I bit the bullet and bought myself a synthesiser. I always planned to do this later but the opportunity was too good to miss. I have played with this a couple of times and it is amazing. I can already do some stuff with it as a very poor piano player but hopefully as my keyboard skills improve, so will my synthesiser skills.

And of course I have to fit this new toy into my schedule too. 

Mrs PM is still working (she is about 7 years younger than I am) so I also have a part time job as her Personal Assistant, which means shopping, chores, several cups of tea etc and planning anything we need to do as a couple (subject to her final say of course). 

When people say that you won’t know how you found time to work, I know what they mean. I have yet to have a truly lazy day. 

But it is far more fun than my old day job and I am loving it.   

4. What’s one of your favourite bands?

My current favourite band are Riverside, a progressive rock band from Poland. 

5. What is the cutest animal you’ve ever seen in person?

It would be treacherous to say that the cutest animals I have ever seen are any creatures other than all of dogs and cats that I have ever had as a pet. 

My answer is therefore – all of the pets I have ever owned.

6. How would you describe your style?

I guess this is a fashion question. 

The answer is that my style is dictated by the stores from where I get my clothes, subject to Mrs PM’s approval. I am a 62 year old man but I don’t dress like one, really. My clothes are more "middle aged" and possibly younger. I’ve been told that once men reach the age of 60 then whatever fashion sense they had evaporates. The truth is that I have never had any fashion sense whatsoever – even as a youth. Mrs PM would never let me look like an old man and to be honest, I still look at least ten years younger than I am. 

What I wear depends on the environment I am in. 

At the moment I am bumming around the house wearing a T-shirt, a hoodie and jeans. 

When I go out and about I typically wear a polo-shirt or T-shirt or casual shirt with jeans, chinos or cargo pants with trainers or boots.

When I go to a gig, I wear jeans, a T-shirt and a leather jacket, in an attempt to make myself look like a cool rock fan. I look about as cool as bag of hedgehogs.

When I go to weddings or other more formal events I wear a suit. I also have a penguin suit (tuxedo) for extra special occasions. 

See? No fashion sense and no style to speak of. 

But at least I don’t wear shirts and ties and proper trousers to go to the pub like some people my age and older often do. 

I am wearing slippers though.

7. If your wardrobe could only be one colour, what would it be? 

Black – or possibly blue. I am a pale Englishman who looks like a ghost if he wears white or yellow and like an alien if he wears orange. 

I love wearing black because it makes me look okay – in my humble opinion. Mrs PM says I need other colours but I don’t agree. That’s why I end up wearing other colours - Mrs PM moans if I wear black too much.

8. What was the first concert you ever went to?

My first gig was Cheap Trick in Birmingham. I had never heard of them but I managed to acquire a free ticket. I was seventeen years old and they had been making records for a year or two. They weren’t bad to be fair and they are still around today. 

Here’s a song I recall from the gig.

9. What is the best book you’ve ever read?

That’s a really tough question. Here are a few:

Stephen King - ‘Salem’s Lot 

Stephen King – The Stand

Brian Lumley – The Necroscope series of books

Hugh Howey – The Silo Series (Wool, Shift, Dust)

Robert Ludlum – The Bourne Ultimatum

Robert Ludlum – The Matarese Circle

James Herbert – The Dark

James Herbert – Domain

There are many, many, many more I could add. 

10. What’s your favourite movie of all time? 

Another really tough question. Here are a few:

Avengers: Infinity War

Avengers: Endgame

Aliens

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

The Warriors

Inglorious Basterds

Pulp Fiction

For a Few Dollars More

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

There are many, many, many more I could add. 

11. What’s the stupidest movie or TV show you’ve ever seen?

I’ve seen some real turkeys and I try not to watch such crap. Chief amongst them are reality TV shows like Made in Chelsea and Big Brother or controversial confrontational shows like Jerry Springer or Jeremy Kyle. 

As for movies, I think Battlefield Earth is the biggest load of crap I’ve seen. It is a sci-fi movie based on a book written by L. Ron Hubbard, the man who gave us all Scientology. It is absolutely dreadful. 

12. If you could only have one food for the rest of your life, what would you choose?

It would be bad for me I know but I love cheese and cheese on toast is one of my favourite snacks. It would have to be that. 

13. What are your biggest pet peeves?

I could write many blog posts about my many pet peeves. 

At the moment it is Boris Johnson who has written a memoir called Unleashed, which is really a work of fiction because the great big bumbling oaf who did his best to ruin the UK is a pathological liar. 

Somebody in my local supermarket took a copy of his book from the book section and placed it in the toilet roll section. How I laughed. I wish I had thought of that. 

Here's an idea about what a colossal fibber the man is. 

14. Are you more into brains or looks?

Both. I love intelligent women and I love good-looking women. I could never be with a brainless bimbo (and I have met a few over the years). 

15. Do you celebrate any holidays? What’s your favourite?

I don’t really celebrate any of them apart from Christmas and New Year. To be honest, Christmas can be annoying and it has continued to be so since I became an adult. There is too much pressure on people during the festive period and the day itself is typically an anti-climax. But I do like seeing friends and family over that period and New Year’s Eve is usually fun. 

 

Sweet Little Lies

Greetings from a cold but sunny South Manchester. Sadly, summer has departed for another year and, as I stare out of the window, I can see blue sky, white clouds and a light breeze making the trees wave to me. That breeze is chilly though and when I went for my walk this morning there was frost on my car.

Since my last post I’ve been abroad twice. First I went to Skiathos in Greece where I tasted the end of summer with temperatures of about 30 degrees Celsius (about 86 degrees Fahrenheit). Skiathos is lovely and very scenic and, of course the place where the “Mamma Mia!” movie was shot. And boy did I know it. There were numerous boat trips where the customers were subjected to trips to the adjacent island of Skopelos just to see a chapel that featured in the movie while being serenaded by Abba. I had to do this trip too because Mrs PM insisted on it. It was fun though because it wasn’t all Abba related. For example, we found an exclusive beach that we could only get to by boat and we got to explore Skopelos Town.

My second trip was a weekend in Budapest with my old mates from university. This year marks the 40th anniversary of leaving Liverpool University and the five of us spent four days reminiscing about those good old days while exploring this magnificent city. I’ve been there before but I forgot how lovely the place is. I would recommend going to Budapest but don’t bother trying to learn Hungarian – it is such a difficult language to understand.  For example, the Hungarian for:

“I really enjoyed walking around Budapest today. I saw a lot of historical sites and had an enjoyable day strolling by the river.”

is

“Nagyon élveztem ma Budapesten sétálni. Sok történelmi helyszínt láttam, és egy kellemes napot töltöttem a folyóparton sétálva.”

and the only word I could even guess is the word for "Budapest". 

Shall we answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1. What do you hope your last words will be?

I hope they are something amusing like these from Oscar Wilde:

“This wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. Either it goes or I do.”

I’d like to think they would be something like:

“You know I love travelling; I’m off to somewhere incredible now. I'll try to come back as a ghost and tell you what it's like.”

2. What do you spend the most time thinking about?

That’s a difficult question. Apparently there is a myth that most men spend their time thinking about women and sex and while that may have been true for younger men, I can’t say that is true now at the age of 62 (it was my birthday on 8th October). 

At the moment I am thinking about how I can make the most out of my new retired status. It’s been difficult so far because I’ve been quite busy with trips and sorting stuff out but hopefully I will be able to focus on things between now and Christmas. 

3. What is something you can never seem to finish?

A novel. I have started one and I even have the ending in my head but I have been procrastinating a little because writing a novel is really hard. Now I am retired I need to focus on it a little but I also have another book idea going on at the same time – a kind of memoir based on my travel experiences. It is much easier to write non-fiction so I must try to prevail in my ongoing war against procrastination.

4. What mistake do you keep making again and again?

I usually try to learn from mistakes and it can be frustrating when you don’t. When it comes to life choices I’m pretty good at that but when you are learning a new discipline, you have to learn to overcome such mistakes. For example, when learning a language, the grammar is tough to learn and I find that there are certain idioms and language structures that set traps for me to fall into repeatedly. Similarly when trying to play the piano, there are certain tunes that are more difficult than others and I find that I repeat mistakes sometimes. 

But you know what they say: “Practice makes perfect”. 

5. What’s the best thing you got from your parents?

That would be life itself. I am eternally grateful that the fates conspired to set up the perfect circumstances for Mother Nature to allow me to pop into existence. 

In terms of personality, I am quite laid back like my father was but I can be quite stubborn and determined like my mother. 

6. What’s the best and worst thing about getting older?

The best thing about getting older is that my experience has made me wiser and made me care less about things that used to irritate me when I was younger.

The worst thing is watching the slow decline of my body. 

I once wrote a blog post about this very subject back in 2018:

The Pros and Cons of Growing Old 

7. What do you wish your brain was better at doing?

Learning a new language. They say when you are younger, your brain is like a sponge that can retain knowledge and the way a child can pick up a new language is amazing. I used to be quite good at languages when I was a kid. I learned Latin, French and German to the point where, at the age of about 16, I could actually talk to a Frenchman, a German and, had I met one, a Roman Centurion.

Now the basics of French and German are there but I have lost a lot of what I learned and it is much tougher to learn Spanish from scratch than it was with the other two. But I am kind of there. I just wish my brain retained the information better. 

8. If your childhood had a smell, what would it be?

That would probably be sweets and chocolate. 

9. What have you created that you are most proud of?

During my time as a software engineer, I wrote some pretty good software that has made me proud.

It is time to give you a hint about what I did. 

I worked for a company that supplied systems to airports. I worked on and wrote software for Flight Information systems, Airport Management systems, Baggage Reconciliation systems and Resource Management systems and I see the fruits of my labour at many airports in the world. For example, my company supplied the Flight Information system to Budapest airport so when I was there last weekend, I pointed out to my colleagues that without my software all of the displays would be blank. 

I’m proud of that. 

There a quite a few airports worldwide that have software that I have written and there is a chance that you, dear reader, may have experienced that.

I’m also proud of creating this blog.  

10. What were some of the turning points in your life?

There have been many: 

Passing an exam to get me into the best school in Walsall.

Passing my A-Levels to get me into Liverpool University.

Graduating from Liverpool University with an Honours Degree.

Moving to Manchester and starting a job there. 

Getting married and buying my first house. 

Having two wonderful boys.

Getting divorced.

Meeting Mrs PM.

Paying off my mortgage.

Retiring (just starting down this path). 

11. What song or artist do you like but rarely admit to liking?

That would probably be A-ha, the Norwegian pop band who were really successful in the 1980s and 1990s. There are still around and they used to be like a boy band in many ways and in their heyday they had loads of female fans screaming at them, something that made me embarrassed to admit that I liked them. Despite them being heartthrobs for teenage girls, I thought (and still think) that musically they are amazing. 

I’ve even seen them live – and I loved them.

Here is one of my favourite songs by the band. 

I’m happy to admit I like them but I rarely do.

12. What small impact from a stranger made a big impact on you?

Nothing leaps to mind at the moment. There’s plenty of time for that to happen I guess.

13. As you get older, what are you becoming more and more afraid of?

I’m afraid of truth being distorted, post-truth and fake news. A lot of society’s ills and the slow decline of world peace in the 21st century are the result of people lying and others believing those lies. 

We see it a lot at elections and referenda but in the past twenty or so years this is getting worse and leading to terrible consequences. We have seen it in the UK with the Brexit debacle and it surfaces whenever there is an election. Take Boris Johnson for example. He has thrived on telling massive lies and, thankfully, he has been found out. But he still denies that he lies and people still believe him.

Across the pond we have Donald Trump who lives in a fantasy world. His lies led to the storming of the Capitol Building and there are so many people who believe that the last election was “stolen” that he is going to get millions of votes and could even be president again.

With the advent of social media, people are believing any old nonsense they read and see. They say that if you continue to repeat a lie then people will believe it eventually and social media is a huge quagmire of total bullshit. This has led to a rise in conspiracy theorists who, when challenged, seem to dig in and fortify their flawed positions. Don’t get me wrong; I love a conspiracy theory and they have been around for decades. The problem is now that such conspiracy theories are gaining momentum. Just look at the rise in the number of people who believe that the Earth is flat for example. 

It's a dangerous precedent and while it doesn’t give me sleepless nights, I do think that common sense is being compromised and replaced by absolute bullshit. 

14. What are some of the events in your life that made you who you are?

See my answer to question 10.

15. What could you do with $2 million to impact the most amount of people?

At the time of writing, $2,000,000 is worth about £1,530,416. It doesn’t make any difference; it is still a very large sum of money and could make a lot of difference to a lot of people. 

There is a big problem with homeless people in the UK and we often see such people on the streets of major UK cities, including Manchester. I would probably try to donate that money to a charity that helps such people.