Welcome the best weblog in the world. If you are new here, where have you been?
Never mind, you are here now and I guarantee you a rollercoaster ride through the very nature of existence.
You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll never be so high.
The Plastic Mancunian will clarify the very essence of life and transform the course of your continued existence into an enhanced, extraordinary and exceptional paradigm of precision and pleasure.
I can do that for you.
What a load of old codswallop that was. I am not very good at spouting bullshit as you can tell, which is why I don’t work in marketing .
If I did, I would be sacked for driving people away from the product I was trying to sell.
I work in IT and often receive emails from various software companies using catchy slogans and false promises in order to grab my attention. There are stock phrases and words that crop up repeatedly using expressions conceived in other disciplines – like motor racing for example.
If you sit and watch a motor race, marvelling at the speed of cars as they race around the track it is possible to enter bullshit mode and immediately think of catchphrases based on what you are seeing, that you can apply to even the most mundane garbage.
Here’s another thing I could cough up, like an annoying extra sticky piece of sputum, to make this blog seem worthy of your attention, based solely on racing:
The Plastic Mancunian accelerates your entertainment to new levels, fuelled by sharp, cutting humour that leaves all others behind in the race for excellence.
Does it bollocks! All this blog really contains is the inane ramblings of a grumpy old fool.
We could try X Factor references. How about this?
The winning blog, The Plastic Mancunian, will lead you on a journey to fulfilment, leaving you wanted more. It is so relevant that you must take the risk; it will pay off. I can guarantee this, one million per cent.
Or how about from music adverts or reviews?
The Plastic Mancunian writes from his very soul, leading you into a world of pure ecstasy that will leave you gasping. It is the most poignant and moving masterpiece and guarantees to make your heart weep and plead for more.
Clearly I haven’t mastered the art of bullshit. But what amazes me is that we are all seduced by such crap – me included.
I am very cynical and yet I might consider a software product that offers to “accelerate my innovative success” or will “take conceived technological miracles and make them reality” over something that just does the job I want.
I am fed up of people sugar-coating crap in order to sell it to me or make me buy it in preference to another piece of crap that has a slightly less annoying slogan.
I may not be able to master the art of bullshit but I can certainly recognise it.
That’s why you won’t see any on this blog.
Instead, it will provide a fast-track to a celestial plane of innovation and intelligence.
And that’s the honest truth.