Friday 8 March 2024

Bye Bye Winter


Welcome to a dull and cold South Manchester where it is not raining. It’s my day off today and I have just jet-washed my car.

Let’s answer some daft questions from Sunday Stealing

1.  What is your favourite thing about winter?

The end of it. Winter is almost over and the weather is starting to improve. There are buds on the trees, spring flowers are starting to bloom, the magnolia in my front garden is also starting to bloom. Days when I have to de-ice the car have gone for a few months and there is little or no chance of snow from now until the end of the year.

Actually, my answer above isn’t quite true because I like Christmas and New Year. 

2. What is your favourite winter sport?

Football is played in winter; does that count? I guess the question relates to specific winter sports, i.e. those in the Winter Olympics. The truth is I don’t have one but I quite like to watch things like bobsleigh and luge. The luge in particular looks extremely dangerous and exciting. It is a sport I would never attempt no matter how exhilarating it seems.

3. What is the best winter treat?

All of the food that you get  around Christmas time. There are a lot of foods that you only eat at that time, like mince pies, turkey and brussels  sprouts (obviously not together). Christmas is the only time of the year that I eat cake and chocolate regularly. 

4. What is the earliest time in the year it ever snowed where you live?

We don’t get much snow in Manchester. We did get a single downfall late last year but that was it. If it’s going to snow it will usually be in January. A few years ago we did have an arctic couple of weeks in January here. It snowed heavily and temperatures really plummeted leaving conditions outside quite treacherous. Thankfully that is a rare event here.

5. What is the best way to stay warm in the winter?

We usually have the heating on in winter and can boost the temperature with a blast from our gas fire. We have one in the lounge and another in the room we are in at the moment. Of course, layers help too. I have about four really thick woolly jumpers that keep me cosy around the house. 

6. What are your favourite things that are paper?

Books of course. 

I read books on my Kindle these days but I still have a collection of reference books and a few hardbacked books on the bookshelf in the lounge and scattered around the house. I have a few in the loft too. 

My prize one is a large Bible that I inherited from my Grandad on my mother’s side. It is leather bound with gold edged pages and published in the 1950’s. My grandad was a strict Roman Catholic so he cherished it. He passed it one to my mum who has passed it on to me. My own sons are not Roman Catholics but I will probably pass it onto my eldest lad because it is a nice book and possibly will increase in value. 

7. What are your favourite things that are cotton?

I have a few cotton shirts. I imagine it is one of those. 

8. What are your favourite things that are leather?

I have a leather jacket that I wear to rock gigs sometimes. It is getting on a bit now (like me) so I may replace it sooner rather than later.

9. What are your favourite things that are floral?

I actually do not think that I possess anything that is floral. I certainly do not have any floral clothing. To be honest, I’m not a fan. Mrs PM has floral items though.

10. What are your favourite things that are wood?

I would say that this is the wooden furniture we have scattered throughout the house. 

11. If you think your house is haunted, what should you do?

There is a weird part of me that would be excited if my house were haunted. I would be scared I think but it would definitely confirm that there is some form of afterlife. If my house were haunted I would try to capture evidence and post it out there as proof. 

Maybe I would consider bringing in experts of the scientific variety. The big problem with that there are too many charlatans out there and I wouldn’t trust a single one of them.

12. When should you investigate a strange noise in your basement?

I am grateful that I don’t have a basement. 

Horror films and books usually use basements as a place where nasty things appear, so I would be a little worried if I had one. I think if I were alone in the house and I heard a strange noise in the basement, I would make sure that it had a lock and I would investigate next day. Either that or I would make sure that the cats were around to confirm whether or not there was anything supernatural down there. Cats are alleged to be sensitive to such things. 

13. How do you know if an abandoned building is safe to visit?

Usually such buildings have a sign that says “Dangerous building” or “Do not trespass”. I wouldn’t tempt fate unless I knew it was safe. 

14. How do you decide whether to solve a problem as a team, or split up and go it alone?

I work in a team and we tend to be very helpful to each other. We all have similar skills but some of us specialise in certain areas. I think if a problem or area of work falls into my area of expertise, I would go it alone. However, I would also do so in other areas but I would seek assistance if I came up against a tough problem and a different team member could resolve it quicker than I could. 

15. Where do you store your knives and where would you look if one was missing?

We have kitchen knives and if there is one missing I would check the dishwasher, because that is where it is likely to be. 


 

Friday 23 February 2024

I've Got a Rocket

 

Welcome to a sunny South Manchester where the weather is changeable. It waited until I went for my morning walk before deciding to rain. When I left the house there wasn’t a cloud in sight. Somebody must have sensed that I had not brought my umbrella because approximately half way through my walk (about two miles in) the heavens opened. I was drenched and, as fate would dictate, as I approached home, the sun came out again and the clouds disappeared. 

Typical, eh?

Today I am going to a rather strange gig for me with Mrs PM. We are going to see Alison Goldfrapp and while I am normally into progressive rock and heavy metal, the gig tonight is more electronic pop with a hint of dance – definitely more Mrs PM's cup of tea than mine. But, hey, it’s good to expand your horizons once in a while and I do like some of her songs. 

Here’s an old one that reminds me of what I will do when I become World President. 

My plan is to build a huge spaceship and incarcerate all the odious people in the world on it, telling them that they are pioneers looking for a new planet for us to populate in the future. The truth is that I just want to rid planet Earth of these people in the most humane way possible. 

Alison Goldfrapp has the same idea. Here is Rocket:

Ohh, I got a rocket

Ohh, you're going on it

Ohh, you're never coming back

Shall we answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing

1. Have you ever smoked cigarettes?

I have tried to smoke cigarettes three times in my life. Once at the age of 16 when I coughed and spluttered and said “Why would anyone DO this?” The second time was about a year later when I succumbed to peer pressure and said the same thing. 

Those two times, I just sucked the smoke into my mouth and immediately blew it out. 

The final time was when I was 20 years old. I was out drinking at university with a bunch of mates and we went to a night club. I was drunk so I took up the offer of a cigarette. After a puff, my mate informed me that I needed to inhale it fully into my lungs. So I did …

… and promptly threw up. 

The effect of the nicotine and alcohol conspired to make me really dizzy and I ended up going home immediately in a cab vowing never ever EVER to go anywhere near a cigarette again. 

And I haven’t.

2. What do you think of hot dogs?

I like them but to be honest I rarely eat them. I think the last time I had one was at the cinema because I was ravenous and about to watch a long film. 

3. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?

Lots of alcohol.

I’m only kidding. I usually have a cup of decaffeinated tea and a mixture of orange and apple juice (about 60% apple and 40% orange). 

4. What's your favourite piece of jewellery that you own?

I don’t own any jewellery. I used to wear a neck chain when I was a younger man – I though it looked cool. I never replaced it when it broke. 

5. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?

As I said above, I love a cup of decaffeinated tea. I also drink black decaffeinated coffee (an Americano if you want Starbuck’s terminology). 

When I am in a pub in the evening I usually drink beer. In the summer I will have lager but in winter I tend to drink ales). 

6. Like to travel?

Anyone who has ever read this blog knows the answer to this question. I love travelling. In fact we have just planned our next three trips and will be booking them soon. We are going to go Menorca in May sometime as it is the only Balearic Island we haven’t been to. For Mrs PMs birthday in August we are going to return to Nice in the South of France (we love that city). Finally in September sometime we are going to head off to Greece (not sure exactly where yet). 

7. What should you be doing right now?

It’s Friday and I don’t work on Fridays anymore. I am certain that my company would tell me that I should be working today but that’s just tough for them. I have completed all of my daily duties today and we are off to a concert tonight so who cares what I should be doing? I don’t.

8, Your phone rings. Who do you want it to be?

I want it to be the lottery company to tell me that I have won millions of pounds. 

9. Do you like to ride horses?

I have ridden small horse in the past once or twice. But I do not fancy riding a full sized horse – they are huge, fast and temperamental. 

I am slightly fearful of them if I’m honest. It all stems from a football match I was at in my youth when there was a crowd of us leaving but the police decided to disperse the crowd for reasons unknown to any of us. A rather angry policeman decided to force our hand by charging into the crowd in an expletive filled rant ordering us to move. The bloody thing was huge and I feared that it might just run me over. Thankfully I just ran and the thing didn’t chase me. 

I have seen them since in fields and I think they are gentle creatures so I’m not really scared of them anymore. But riding one? 

No thanks.

10. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?

It depends who I am with. With my close buddies I am more of a talker. Otherwise I am a mixture of both.

11. What's in your pocket right now?

My phone. 

12. Last thing that made you laugh?

I caught a video of the late great Sean Lock, a British comedian, doing a monologue. It was very rude and very funny. If you haven’t heard of Sean Lock, just take a look at some of his stand-up routines on You Tube. He was hilarious – and is sorely missed.

13. How many TVs do you have in your house?

We have three. There is a Smart TV in the lounge, another older model in back room, which is a backup TV but the one that I use to play video games. Finally we have a small one upstairs that I watch while ironing (I need something to help relieve the tedium of this monotonous chore). 

14. Who's your loudest friend?

It is probably a guy from work who is outrageous and hilarious. He is great company and always makes me laugh. I have some stories about him but I will keep them to myself for now. 

15. Favourite sports team? (If you don't have one, just state that ...)

That would be Walsall Football Club, a lower league team from the EFL. I have supported them all my life even though I don’t live there anymore. 

Here they are beating Wrexham earlier this season (Wrexham are the club that Ryan Reynolds bought a couple of years ago). Walsall are playing in the red (we won 3-1).


Friday 16 February 2024

Music Was My First Love


Welcome to a dull and rainy South Manchester, a far cry from this time last week which found me strolling along the promenade next to Playa de las Canteras in Las Palmas de Gran Canaria. 
It was sunny and warm, the sea was turquoise and there were lots of Spanish people around, which enabled me to at least try to speak to Spanish waiters and shopkeepers in their native language. It was a good place, which was a cross between a beach holiday and a city break. 
Las Palmas de Gran Canaria is a fairly big city in its own right and, unlike Tenerife, the other island in the Canaries that I have been to, it is not full of British people. This means that in bars and restaurants people are less likely to speak English. 
In fact I was quite proud of myself having had a mini conversation with the taxi driver who dropped us off at the start of the holiday. It was fun. And we will be planning our next jaunt to Europe this weekend – probably back to Spain.
This week’s Sunday Stealing is about a subject that is close to my heart – music. Just the right thing to put me in a good mood for the weekend. 
Let’s dive in shall we?
Name a song that...
1. You enjoy, in another language.
My music collection has quite a few songs in different languages: German, Gaelic, French, Finnish, Italian, Dutch, Spanish, Russian – even Latin (thanks to Enya). Since I feel a little self-indulgent I will give you two songs in different languages. 
This is Air singing “Mer du Japon” (Sea of Japan) in French, their native language:
And this is a strangely subdued Rammstein singing “Ohne Dich” (Without You):

2. Recently introduced you to a new singer
Thanks to Spotify I am exploring new music all the time and one band that is currently pushing my buttons is a band that has been around for a long time but is new to me. They are The Pineapple Thief and their singer is a guy named Bruce Soord. I have only just really started exploring their back catalogue and so far I love what I hear. This is a song called “Demons”:

3. You listen to energize
If Mrs PM and I are getting ready to go out, to a pub or a restaurant, all I can hear from upstairs is her dance music blaring out. So I compensate by reverting to my love of heavy metal. These days I listen to more progressive rock but when I want to get into a great mood I will listen to something much heavier. Something like “Master Passion Greed” by Finnish Symphonic Metal band Nightwish. This is one of my favourite heavy metal songs and if they ever wrote a Heavy Metal theme tune for a James Bond film – this would be it. If you aren’t a fan of Metal listen to it from about 5 minutes 11 seconds. Symphonic Metal at its best.

4. Is your favourite song from a musical.
I hope this one counts. I did see Jeff Wayne’s War of the World performed live. It had a full orchestra, a large rock band with multiple keyboards drums and guitars, all conducted by Jeff Wayne himself and even featuring Justin Hayward, the original singer. I loved it – one of the best shows I have ever been to complete with screen and animations and a giant Martian fighting machine. It also had a hologram of the Narrator, voiced by the brilliant Richard Burton.
This is “Eve of the War” from the original 1970’s album “Jeff Wayne’s Musical Version of War of the Worlds”.

5. Reminds you of an old love
My ex-wife and I shared some taste in music and she quite likes melodic rock. We have a local Manchester band called Dare who started out in the late 1980's and the lead singer used to be in Thin Lizzy. He formed his own band called Dare who were very good (and still are) and when I bought the album she fell in love with it. 
Here is a song from the album about Manchester - and it is called "The Raindance" for obvious reasons. 
Note - the keyboard player in this band is the now famous British physicist Professor Brian Cox (he no longer plays for them of course). 

6. Make you think of one of your children
When my kids were babies and struggling to sleep, I used to get up with them in the middle of the night and try to gently coax them back into the land of slumber. It took time but one of the things that really helped was music, especially slower and tuneful pop music. This song was a favourite and worked – and I also love it. 
This is “Hello (Turn Your Radio On)” by Shakespears Sister:

7. Makes you smile when you hear it.
I have driven Mrs PM up the wall recently with this brilliant song from Muse. The chorus is such an earworm and I love singing along to it. The entertaining video also features the wonderful Terry Crews. I’d just like you to imagine me sitting opposite Mrs PM listening to this and singing along while she is simply rolling her eyes.
I have a massive smile on my face as I am listening to it now. 
This is “Pressure” by Muse:
Don’t push me (OH AH AAH)
Don’t push me (OH AH AAH)
Let me get off the ground (Don’t push me)
To you I’m no longer bound (OOH WEE AAH)
Don’t stop me (OOH WEE AAH)
Don’t choke me (OOH WEE AAH)
I need you out of my head (Don’t push yeah)
You’ve got me close to the edge (Don’t push yeah)

8. You love but is quite unknown
My taste in music is such that most people haven’t heard of a lot of the bands and artists I love and therefore they haven’t heard a lot of the songs by those artists. I will plum for a song by my current favourite progressive rock band from Poland called Riverside. This is a beautifully laid back song with a great title – “Lost (Why Should I Be Frightened by a Hat?)”. 

9. That annoys you.
There are lots of songs that annoy me and have done for many years. Some are extremely popular too – and I just don’t get their appeal. Here’s an example:

10. That your parents used to listen to.
This is one of the reasons I ended up playing the trombone:

11. From your early years of childhood
This is the first song that I remember liking. It is an amazing song and I still love it. It is of course “Good Vibrations” by the Beach Boys.

12. That has a colour in the title.
I can't write a post about music without mentioning one of my musical heroes - Mr David Bowie.
Here is "Blue Jean":

13. That needs to be played loud.
Heavy Metal sounds much better loud. 
I went to see Alice Cooper once and they were supported by Motörhead. When Motörhead played the first song, they claimed that the volume was too low – so they turned it up. And it was deafening. Thank goodness I had my ear defenders with me. Thankfully for Alice Cooper the volume was restored. Here is “Overkill” by Motörhead. It does sound good loud (but not too loud). The first lines are:
Only way to feel the noise is when it's good and loud
so good I can't believe it, screaming with the crowd

14. That is perfect for a road trip.
For driving it has to be a good bit of guitar with a driving beat – hard but not too heavy. Something like this excellent tune, “Lifestyle” by the brilliant Joe Satriani:

15. That reminds you of yourself.
I can’t talk about myself without reminding you of my two Scottish brothers, The Proclaimers. And this song is a wonderful happy up-beat pop song and kind of sums up my journey from the rat race towards retirement. Yes, folks, I’m on my way from the misery of work to the happiness of retirement. 
This is “I’m On My Way” by The Proclaimers.
I have been told that I am the third Proclaimer – well certainly in looks anyway.

Friday 2 February 2024

Me Me Me


Welcome to South Manchester in a crisp and sunny day with blue sky and clouds. January, the worst month of the year, is now over and we are in February which will be a good month, not least because the Six Nations rugby union tournament is about to start, my first gig of the year is happening tomorrow night and our first trip abroad of 2024 starts on Tuesday. 

Here is Florence Black, the band I am going to see on Saturday night.

Exciting times and the year will only get better.

Let’s answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing, this week about me me me.

 1. What three words best describe you?

I think other people would pick lots of different words to describe me but I am on the inside and as such am totally aware of the person that I am. That means the three words I would use are:

Content – I am happy with my current life and what the future holds. I know there will be ups and downs but generally I am content.

Nice – Somebody once told me: “Nice guys aren’t nice if they have to tell people that are nice.” I totally disagree with that. I think that some people don’t appreciate it when you are a nice guy. I may not always show it but I care a lot about people and things and I simply don’t understand anyone who doesn’t. I think that makes me a nice guy.

Realistic – I have moments of optimism and moments of pessimism and that largely comes from the mood that I am in. However, I tend to try to step back and look at things realistically because if you can take your mood and emotions out of the equation, you get a clearer picture of things.

2. What makes you unique?

Am I unique? 

I know for a fact that I am not the only “Plastic Mancunian” for example as there are a lot of people in this great city I live in that don’t actually come from here. I may be the only person who calls his blog The Plastic Mancunian.

I have a name that is fairly common; I share it with an actor, an author, a photographer and many other people. There are lots of people who look like me, for example, The Proclaimers. 

I am a bit of a weirdo – and the UK is full of weirdos. 

Perhaps my taste in music might be unique in that I like a wide range of genres – but even then I have met lots of people who share 90% of my taste. 

Perhaps I am the only 61 year old person, born in Walsall in October 1962, who went to Liverpool University to study Computational and Statistical Science, before moving to Manchester and living here for about 40 years. And I am the only male human being who lives in my house. 

Okay – that’s probably one thing that makes me unique. Maybe there are other things too. 

3. Who is someone important in your life?

There are lots of important people in my life but as, usual, I shall single out Mrs PM who is my soulmate and is mad enough to have put up with my antics for over 25 years now. Personally I don’t know what she see in me – but there you go. I am delighted that she sees something. 

4. What is something that always makes you laugh?

Things like this:

5. Who is someone who can always cheer you up?

Sorry to be boring about this but Mrs PM can usually cheer me up. She’s funny and clever and makes me laugh.

6. When was a time you were really proud of yourself?

There have been a few occasions when I’ve made myself proud. Sometimes little things like finally managing to play a tricky tune on the piano, to doing something that I really shouldn’t have achieved like climbing the Sydney Harbour Bridge despite being terrified of heights.

7. What is something that is difficult for you?

Doing anything that is creative in the world of art. 

I cannot draw, paint or sculpt anything. Whenever I watch an artist at work I am in awe of them - as long as they are not creating something that looks like a dog’s dinner or a piece of vomit hanging on a wall under the banner of “modern art”. I am talking about people who paint landscapes that look like landscapes not those charlatans who splash pain haphazardly on a canvas and then claim that the mess that has been produced is actually meant to be something and that people should pay millions of pounds for it. 

I’ve read that people can be trained to draw. That is something I might actually try to do – just to see if they can make somebody like me create something. I very much doubt it.

8. What three places would you love to travel to?

I would like to go to the three Scandinavian countries that I haven’t been to: Sweden, Norway and Finland. I have been to Iceland and Denmark and I really enjoyed them both. We almost went to Sweden last year but ran out of time. Maybe this year? They’re not too far away from the UK.

9. What is a fun memory you have with your best friend?

Well I’m going to be boring again and tell you that Mrs PM is my best friend (though I do have a couple of really close mates too). Every time Mrs PM and I go back to Hong Kong we have an amazing and fun time. We both love the place. We are heading there next year on the way back from our trip to Malaysia and I already know it will be fun.

10. If you could have dessert for breakfast, what would you eat?

Dessert for breakfast? Yeuchhh! I rarely eat dessert so that sounds likes something weird to do even for a weirdo like me. 

I guess I could possibly manage a fruit cocktail I guess (because I do actually eat fruit for breakfast fairly often). 

11. If you published a book or wrote a movie, what would it be about?

It would be a science fiction epic that involved an indomitable alien force invading planet Earth and the aftermath of that invasion. I am not talking a nonsensical load of rubbish like “Independence Day”, it would be more like “War of the Worlds”, which is one of my favourite books/films. Yes, I know it’s been done to death but I love stories about alien invasion and I also love post-apocalyptic science fiction too – so the book would have elements of both.

12. Which is easier, maths or English?

Maths is definitely easier. 

I am okay with English but I am one of those lucky(?) people who can resolve mathematical problems with relative ease. To be honest I am a little out of practice so it would be good to revisit the subject. 

I took my maths O-Level a year early because I was so good and managed an A (the top grade). I then repeated that success with the advanced mathematics O-Level a year later and also I passed maths A-Level with the top grade too. 

It was only at university that maths started to get a little harder and I managed to drift away from the subject in my second year there – having passed the exams though. By my third year I was purely working with computer science and statistics (though both still required maths really). 

I loved maths so much that I used to do past exams for fun. Yes, I was that sad geeky kid who was at home solving differential equations and immersing himself in trigonometry and calculus. 

I should rekindle that love really.

13.What three things make you the happiest?

A couple of beers with mates down the pub.

Travelling anywhere abroad, especially to new places. 

Relaxing in the company of Mrs PM and the cats. 

14. What is an event in your life that has shaped who you are today?

Many things have contributed to the person I am today and it’s difficult to judge which could be the most important one. 

Perhaps graduating from university which set me off on a career in IT. 

Or agreeing to travel to Amsterdam and Munich with one of my old university friends way back in 1983 – which ignited my love of travel. 

There are more – but those two will suffice.

15. Which is more important, being kind or being honest?

That’s a difficult one. I would say kind because sometimes it is necessary not to be absolutely honest with people, mainly to protect them. Being kind is always a good thing. 

What am I talking about? I will say both because it’s my blog and I can.


Friday 26 January 2024

Assorted Pens


Welcome to a bright, sunny and cold January day in South Manchester. 

We had a bit of a battering from two named storms this week that caused a bit of damage in various places in the UK, the wind taking down roofs and trees while certain places were flooded. Things seem to have calmed down now, thank goodness. 

Best of all, the worst month of the year is almost over and this week we drift into February (the second worst month of the year). Winter is still here but it is slowly departing to usher in a warmer and far more enjoyable season. 

Let’s answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing shall we? 

1. What are your plans for February?

Despite what I anticipate will be crappy weather, February is a good and busy month. 

The best thing of all is our first trip abroad this year. We are travelling to Los Palmas in Gran Canaria in about a week and half. This will give us a little bit of sunshine and warm weather to alleviate the dreariness of a UK winter. It’s the first time I have been and it will be a bit of a mix of things to do. It will be part city break and part relaxation (Las Palmas is a big city with long stretches of beach apparently). We will be able to explore the city, go for long walks and also chill out by the beach if we so desire. Best of all I will get to practice a little Spanish. I will be able to understand menus and a lot of things written down and I should be able to make myself understood. I anticipate my main problem as being able to understand what people are saying back to me. 

I also have three gigs in February too. Two rock gigs featuring a Welsh rock trio called Florence Black and an American band called Fozzy. The final gig is with Mrs PM. Our tastes in music are different and we have a joint playlist that shows the overlap. One of the artists that features fairly heavily are Goldfrapp and we are going to see Alison Goldfrapp together. Here she is:

2. Did you ever have or go to sleepovers as a kid?

Yes – one or two. I wasn’t that keen on them to be perfectly honest with you. 

3. Which books would you pick for a book binge?

I would probably pick a few books in the style of Robert Ludlum, the guy who created Jason Bourne. Also on the list would be a massive elaborate space opera, a decent set of horror stories (though I read less of these now), and maybe a little fantasy or general science fiction. A couple of thrillers wouldn’t go amiss and to relieve the tension perhaps a few comedy novels similar to those written by Tom Sharpe. 

That would keep me busy for a while.

4. What features do you love most about your home?

It’s perfect for the two of us now that the kids are no longer here. I live in a three bedroomed mid-terrace house that was built in 1900 and it has lots of period features like high ceilings, picture rails etc. 

The bedrooms are all big and each one can easily accommodate a double bed – something that more modern three-bedroomed houses struggle to achieve. For example the first house I bought claimed to have three bedrooms but you could barely fit a small single bed in there – we turned it into a study because that is all it was useful for. 

The lounge is bright and we get the sun all day. The backroom where I am at the moment has just been redecorated and it serves several purposes. It has a TV with a playstation and two sofas so it works as a man cave for me, a second lounge and it is also my office. 

The kitchen is fairly big too. 

The back garden isn’t too big but there is enough room for us to have a table and chairs and in the summer we get the sun most of the day too. We also have a weather-proof “out-house” attached to the house at the back which is really a storage space. Mrs PM wants to do what other neighbours have done and knock through from the kitchen into it to create another room. Our neighbours are doing this as I write and the cost and trauma seem to me at least to be unnecessary for the benefits we will enjoy. The neighbours are much younger than us so they will appreciate it much more. 

So what is the best bit part of the house?

All of it. I love it and we don’t plan to move.

5. How often do you try something new?

The truthful answer is not often enough. Whenever I travel, I like to go somewhere new, preferably a new country. When I am abroad I am far more willing and able to try something new, but when it comes to breaking out of my comfort zone to try a new pastime in the UK I never seem to get around to doing it. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried a few new things in recent years like bombing around Delamere Forest on a segway (which was an experience I can tell you). Maybe it is just about not having enough time but really that sounds like a poor excuse because the reality is I do have time. Maybe things will change when I retire because I do get bored. 

6. What type of sushi is your favourite?

I like most sushi and sashimi. One of the highlights of Japan was going to a sushi restaurant in Kyoto for lunch. Everything we had was divine.

7. Do you prefer to relax or go on adventures during vacation?

It depends what you mean by “adventures”. To me, relaxing on holiday is spending an hour or two on the beach or swimming pool but we soon get bored of that and we typically walk around, popping into bars or coffee shops to escape from the heat in places where it is boiling hot. 

To me an “adventure” is going to explore a whole country where we do the whole “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” experience, which I have done in China, Japan, Vietnam, Australia, USA, Europe, Brazil and will be doing next in Malaysia in 2025. Those holidays are special and (related to question 5) we tend to try new things sometimes by accident. 

It’s a mixture really; Long travel holidays can be tiring but fun whereas I always feel totally recharged after a relaxing city break or beach holiday.

8. Which colours look best on you?

I really like wearing black but I don’t really do it that often. I look okay in most colours apart from orange, yellow or white, the latter two making me look like a ghost.

9. Do you like brunch?

I prefer to have breakfast and then lunch a few hours later but I am quite happy having brunch too. Usually brunch for me is a huge breakfast and it is usually something we rarely have in the UK but have quite often abroad.

10. Do you get stage fright?

Definitely. 

I read somewhere that even the bravest people fear public speaking and I can totally see why. The thing is I have had to do it a few times at work, giving courses in the UK, South Africa, Switzerland, Oman (bizarrely)  and the USA as well as a couple in China and Russia via interpreters. When a lot of people fear speaking in public they typically only have to do it for an hour or so. If you are giving a course like the ones I had to, you have to stand up all day (for six or seven hours) for four or five days. You may think that you will get used to it and after the initial shock, it does get a little easier I have to admit. But then the fear returns for the next one. 

It is a rather bizarre phobia, I have to say, because I often talk to a bunch of people in meetings, in pubs etc. Yet when it comes to teaching about 20 Russians about an IT system, it seems like the most difficult thing in the world. I know the technical details of course but the fear comes from standing there and talking to these guys. 

The good news is that those days are over now as I don’t give courses anymore. I am certain that there will be another time when I have to do it again – I hope not – but I will be able to cope after the initial shock.

11. Which podcasts do you like at the moment?

I don’t really listen to podcasts but I have come across a couple recently about progressive rock that were quite entertaining. It is something that I want to get more involved in. 

12. One thing that immediately makes your day better

Not working. Today is Friday and I am off work as I am every Friday. There is nothing better than going to bed the night before knowing that you don’t have to get up early to either work from home or go into the office (which I have to do once or twice a week now). 

13. Which family members are you closest to?

All of them. I am singling nobody out because I love them all. 

14. Something you practice often

Spanish and the piano. 

For Spanish I do Duolingo lessons every day (my streak is 972 days). In addition to that I am reading “Harry Potter y la piedra filosofal” (Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone). I read it in English but then I thought It would be a challenge to read it in Spanish too. I bought it last year and didn’t really bother with it so this year I decided to read some of it every day – and I have. I still have to look up a lot of the words but it is getting easier, particularly as I gradually start to get the hang of the grammar). I am also watching what is described as a “telenovela” called "Destinos", which is geared towards teaching speaking and listening skills. There are 52 episodes and although I don’t watch it every day, I am about 20% of the way through it. 

I also practice the piano every day. I am teaching myself and progress is slow but I am slowly getting there. Hot off the press, I managed to get through this one today for the first time. I still make lots of mistakes but I am far better than I was when the piano was first delivered.

My aim is just to have fun with the piano though how amazing would it be to be able to play like Jordan Rudess?

15. Are you a light sleeper or a deep sleeper?

I’m a light sleeper and I hate it. I usually manage to get a good 6 to 8 hours sleep every night but I do wake up if, say a hedgehog sneezes in next door’s garden. Mrs PM is a really deep sleeper and I am so envious of her. 

A few weeks ago, for some insane reason, a Royal Air Force Chinook helicopter decided to fly over the area where we live at about 1am but at a height of just 3000ft. I woke up as soon as I heard the thing when it was miles away and I lay gradually hearing the thing get louder and louder until it flew above our house where it made enough noise to wake the dead. “What the f**k IS that?” I said aloud and peered out of the window thinking it was a UFO. I saw lights go on in the street so other people heard it too. We found out what it was because it made the local newspaper the thing was so loud. In some cases people complained that their house “shook”.

And the next morning, I said to Mrs PM – “What about that bloody helicopter?”

“What helicopter?” she said. “The bloody thing hadn’t woken her up at all.

I am so envious!

Friday 19 January 2024

Swip Swap


Welcome to South Manchester on a beautiful cold winter day with the sun shining and the temperatures dropping to a slightly chilly 0 degrees Celsius. 

Let’s plunge straight away into more silly questions from Sunday Stealing

1. If you could have a remote control that could pause time, what would you do with it?

It would be a little like being invisible I guess. I would use for example to gain entry into places where I would have to pay to get into. For example, I wouldn’t pay for another gig; I would just turn up at the entrance, click the remote control, and slide past the security checks and ticket verification to gain entry. The same would apply to sporting events and other similar things. 

I could do nefarious things like travel to London, gain entrance into Number 10 Downing Street and then plant a bugging device there to find out what the incompetent buffoons running the country are actually planning to do, and then release the details to the press and TV and expose them for what they are. 

Can I please have one?

2. What's the silliest thing you believed as a child that you wish were true now?

I believed that I could sing. That dream was ruined by a music teacher who was recruiting for the school choir and told me in no uncertain terms that my voice sounded like that of a cat being strangled. 

Things might have been different if my voice now were as good as I imagined it was. 

I believe it is actually far worse than when I was a kid, and my music teacher was basically being very kind in his own weird way. Whenever I start to sing in the house, the cats run away (because presumably they think there is a cat strangling burglar lurking around) and Mrs PM threatens to silence me with a frying pan before the windows crack under the strain.

3. If your life had a theme song that played every time you entered a room, what song would it be?

Since my name is Dave it would have to be this classic from Manfred Mann’s Earth Band released in 1977. The song is called “Davy’s on the Road Again”. Enjoy and imagine I’m walking into your house. I won't be singing it though.

4. If you were a vegetable, and someone accidentally ate you, what would you want them to say after the first bite?

Wow – you need to stop taking those dodgy drugs. 

I would hope to dissuade anybody from eating me as a vegetable by making them violently ill, so I would probably say “I would go straight to the toilet, if I were you, and stick your fingers down your throat.”

5. If you were a flavour of ice cream, which one would you be, and why?

Really – stop taking those dodgy drugs.

I would be the least palatable ice cream possible so that nobody would want to eat me. Brussell Sprout and Liver flavoured ice cream would do the trick.

6. What's the strangest thing you've ever googled or searched for on the internet?

I’m weird and I have a weird blog so I have searched for some strange items. The first one that springs to mind is some research when I was writing this blog post:

Fear (Part Five) – Chinese Toilets 

Warning: Before you read it, it does talk about disgusting toilets in China that I experienced on a trip there in 2010. 

When I was writing it, I thought it would help to illustrate how bad some Chinese toilets could be by adding some pictures of the abominable places. So my search was something like:

“Pictures of Chines Toilets”.

In fact, as I was looking for the above post, I realised that I have possibly just topped that with the search:

“Plastic Mancunian Chinese Toilets”

See what I mean ? I am just a weirdo.

7. If your pet could suddenly talk, what do you think it would say to you first?

Both of my cats would say:

“FEED ME NOW!”

8. If you were a character in a video game, what would be your special move?

I mainly play football games so my favourite move would allow me to dribble past all players and score a spectacular goal.

9. What's the most bizarre item you've ever bought online?

I’ve not bought anything really bizarre. I do recall buying a book for Mrs PM’s birthday called “Test Your Cat: The Cat IQ Test”. I thought it was so bizarre that I thought it would make a fun silly gift.

10. If you could replace the sound of one everyday activity with your own voice, which activity would you choose?

That sounds like another question concocted whilst high on something weird. 

I have no idea.

11. If you were a punctuation mark, which one would you be, and how would you punctuate people's sentences?

This too is another question from the addled mind of a person on something weird. 

I would be a full stop so that I could end their sentences as soon as they bored or annoyed me.

12. If you could have any celebrity be your personal assistant for a day, who would it be, and what tasks would you assign them?

It would be Morena Baccarin and it would be a day when I wasn’t working. Her only task would be to chat to me and smile. That would suffice.


13. What would be the worst "buy one, get one free" sale item ever?

I can think of a few:

A Coffin

Rhubarb

A Chinese Toilet

A Vasectomy

A Dinner Date with Donald Trump

14. If you could trade places with any fictional character from a book or movie, who would it be, and what would you do differently in their story?

It would be Harry Keogh from Brian Lumley’s Necroscope.


Harry can talk to the dead and teleport to anywhere and anywhen. Sadly in the Necroscope series he ends up fighting the scariest and most horrific vampires ever to have walked the face of the Earth. I would simply avoid the vampires like the plague and have a lot of fun doing exciting and far less dangerous things.

15. If you had to live inside a TV show for a month, which show would you pick, and why?

I would probably go for Dr Who as long as I could dictate where we travelled to in his TARDIS. He can travel to any place at any given point in time. Given Question 14, do you see a trend?


Friday 12 January 2024

Pin It!

 

Welcome to another typical January day in South Manchester; cold, dull but thankfully no rain. We have booked our first holiday of the year and will be departing for Gran Canaria at the start of February for a little winter sun. It should give me a chance to practice a little Spanish too hopefully. 

Today is my day off work and I have just had my eyes tested, which means I will be getting a brand new pair of glasses next week. The difference this time is that Mrs PM usually insists on coming with me to choose my new frames “because I have to look at you”; this time she didn’t and I have chosen them. 

I actually think they are very nice. We shall see what she says but I am now of an age where I don’t really care anymore. They aren’t too dissimilar to the ones I have on at the moment and I have a vague idea what she likes so I think I will be okay. 

Shall we answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing

1. Your favourite part of the day

It depends on whether I am working or not. If I am working then my favourite part of the day is late afternoon when I actually stop working, 

If I am not working then I am not bothered really and have no preference. Morning is good because I feel at my sharpest. This is the time I do my “daily duties”, i.e. learn Spanish, play the piano etc. I like the evenings because I am more relaxed either going out somewhere or vegetating in front of the TV or listening to music. 

In the summer, I like to sit in the garden in the afternoon, either chatting to Mrs PM and/or the neighbours or reading a book.

2. Something you know a lot about.

I know a lot about the computer system I work on from the operating system I use, via the database and the application. I am considered one of the company experts. I won’t bore you with the technical details as I want you to read the rest of the post without falling asleep. 

The system I work on is sold to a particular type of customer so I also know a lot about how they operate. I will tell you more about that when I retire because it is quite interesting. 

3. An important person in your life.

There are many important people in my life but, as usual, I will select Mrs PM because she is the person that understands me most on the planet and also my best buddy. I have absolutely no idea how she has managed to put up with me for just over 25 years but I am very thankful that she has. 

4. Your favourite recipe

Is this to make or to eat?

If I am making something myself it has to be quick and easy, although I can actually cook. I would say it has to be the pasta dish that I can whip up in about fifteen minutes. 

If we are talking about Mrs PM, she makes a mean chicken paella. 

Perhaps I may expand my horizons and my culinary skills when I have more time after retirement. I have dabbled before and created edible food that people have enjoyed.

5. An event that turned out differently than planned

Probably the first time I went to watch horse racing. We have friends in Chester, which isn’t too far away, and they invited us to Chester races. I was a little dubious because it involves gambling and I’m not really a gambling man. Nevertheless, we had an amazing time and I had absolutely no idea what I was doing when I bet on the horses. I was asking one of the guys for advice and he basically told me to have a quick look at the odds and then to go with my gut. 

So I did. I decided to put the same small amount on each of the seven races, even if by a miracle, I actually won one. That way I would control my losses. 

I lost the first race but won all six of the remaining ones. 

By the sixth race, a couple of the guys were getting a little annoyed because they had won bugger all. 

My scientific method was to take a look at the odds, and look at the four horses with the best chance of winning – and then pick the horse with the funniest name. 

At the end, I was elated and made a significant profit. I decided to ease my mates’ pain by buying a round of drinks at the pub afterwards. 

Since then I have been back to Chester Races and also Haydock Park (we go there once a year). I stick with the same method, i.e. bet a small amount, look at the odds and then pick the horse with the funniest name. 

Guess what? 

I have won hardly anything since. I am usually lucky if I pick one winner and make a profit. 

Therefore my method worked once – and only once. 

It’s good fun though if you are sensible. The one thing you must remember though is that the odds are always against you and, as in a casino, “the house always wins”.

6. How you procrastinate

I am doing much better when it comes to procrastination because I’ve made a habit of things (my “daily duties”).

Usually if I do succumb to it, I watch junk on TV, play with my phone or even do housework.

Note – I have never ever procrastinated at work, so I have asked myself why I do it at home?

It’s crazy. 

7. The best type of surprise

Pleasant surprises.

I don’t like nasty ones. 

8. Music that helps you relax

Ambient electronic or rock music like these two. 


9. A thing your life has in excess

Work. 

Work has dominated my life for almost forty years and until recently I have had to endure it. Don’t get me wrong; I have a lot to be grateful for and at times I have enjoyed it immensely. But that time is now drawing to a close. 

And, yes, I have to find something to fill the gap that is left when I finally give it up.

10. A book you want to read.

I have a few books on my Kindle that I have bought and are waiting for me to attack. I will select them one at a time but none of them stand out as a must-read immediately. I can’t think of any other books I desperately want to read. 

11. A person you’re always happy to see.

I’m always delighted to see my sons and my sister. And Mrs PM of course. And also all of my mates and family. 

12. What  time do you go to sleep?

It depends on the day. On a school night (Sunday to Wednesday), I usually go to bed between 9:00pm and 9:30pm to give me time to read a little before sleeping. The only reason for this is that I am up at 6:00am to do my morning walk before starting work. 

On Thursday, Friday and Saturday, I tend to go to bed later, usually any time between 11:00pm and 01:00am – because I can.

13. A word to describe the past year.

Better.

The 2020’s so far have been terrible but each year has gradually improved. 2023 was a fairly good year when I look back at it and I have high hopes for 2024.

14. Your favourite household chore

I don’t have a favourite household chore. I hate them all. 

That said, the one that gives me the greatest satisfaction is cleaning the kitchen because I really, really hate seeing dirty dishes and work surfaces covered in bits of food.

15. One thing you’d like to see

I’m going to give you a few – because I am a rebel.

I want to see the Conservative Party turfed out of parliament this year.

I want to see an end to the two major wars that are going on at the moment.

I want the UK to rejoin the EU.

Basically I want to see a world with peace and harmony where nations are tolerant of each other and we all feel safe - a wordl where everyone in every nation can sit down and have a beer together (or your tipple of choice) with laughter and fun.

I can dream can’t I?

Just vote for me as World President and I will sort it all out for you guys.