Would You Rather?

It’s day 76 of the lockdown and I’ve been looking at the statistics regarding the virus in the UK. 

They don’t make good reading. 

As of yesterday, the United Kingdom is the second worst hit country in terms of deaths, with 40,465 people having died of COVID-19. 

In terms of total cases, we are the fifth worst hit country in the world. 

Worse, in my view, if you look at the number of deaths worldwide per million, the United Kingdom is the second worst hit country behind Belgium.

I find this really annoying because if you listen to Boris the Clown and his idiot cabinet, you hear phrases like “world beating test and trace” and other incredibly inaccurate soundbites. 

Boris the Clown said last week that he is now “taking control of the pandemic”. In that case, Boris, I would like to know who the bloody hell has been in control since March? Your brother Coco the Clown?

Anyway, to stop myself descending into a full blown rant about the incompetence of the people supposedly in control, I shall seek light relief with a few silly questions from Sunday Stealing. 

Let’s dive in, shall we?

1.  Would you rather work in a group or work alone?

In my line of work I need to do both, though it has to be said I find that if I am able to work alone and uninterrupted I can achieve a lot. The lockdown has forced me and my colleagues to work from home and I am actually more productive, I think, in terms of not having people walking to my desk to ask questions or just chat. At home, I can choose to ignore them. Nevertheless, I still have to collaborate with people and I think that is important – as long as it is on my terms.

2. Would you rather be stuck on an island alone or with someone who talks incessantly?

We all need human company so I would say that I would reluctantly choose the person who talks incessantly. I just hope that the island is big enough to allow me to have some alone time and satisfy my inner introvert when the talking gets too much.

3. Would you rather be too hot or too cold?

I’m not keen on either but I think I prefer being too hot.

4. When you’re old, would you rather die before or after your spouse?

I am already quite old, thanks, but I think I would prefer to go first. If there is an afterlife though I would be worried about Mrs PM.

5. Would you rather have a cook or a maid?

A cook – definitely. I can cook but I hate it. When it is my turn to cook, I opt for the quickest and easiest thing I can find.

6. Would you rather be the youngest or the oldest sibling?

I am already the oldest sibling so I can’t imagine being the youngest.  

7. Would you rather get rich through hard work or through winning the lottery?

Given that I hate my job, I would definitely choose winning the lottery. I already have a plan should I do so. 

8. Would you rather have a 10-hour dinner with a headstrong politician from an opposing party, or attend a 10-hour concert for a music group you detest?

I would love to sit down for a ten hour dinner with a headstrong politician from an opposing party, somebody like Boris the Clown. I know exactly what sort of human being he is and I know exactly what would push his buttons. Not only would I give him a really hard time, I would have progressive metal as the background music to make the clown as uncomfortable as possible.  

The thought of having to endure ten hours of music I detest fills me with dread.

9. Would you rather be an Olympic gold medallist or a Nobel Peace Prize winner?

Nobel prize winners win because they have made a difference to the world in some way. That would be far more preferable to winning an Olympic gold medal.

10. Would you rather have a desk job or an outdoor job?

I like the outdoors but I prefer to enjoy it as part of my leisure. I would therefore choose a desk job.

11. Would you rather live at the top of a tall NYC apartment building or at the top of a mountain?

I am terrified of heights so really the choice would be neither. I guess you are going to push me for an answer, aren’t you? Okay – I will say the top of a mountain. 

Why? 

Well, I’ve been to New York and in the days before my fear of heights developed, I found myself at the top of the Empire State Building, laughing at a man dressed as a gorilla. I would never do that now – in fact the very thought of doing so is making my legs feel a little wobbly. 

I’ve been to the top of a mountain in Switzerland (Mount Rigi) and, while it is still very high, you don’t see the huge sheer drops and the scenery is absolutely amazing.  

11. Would you rather have Rambo or The Terminator on your side?

The Terminator is cyborg that is super strong, virtually indestructible and programmed to give his life to protect you. 

Rambo is just a soldier and, while he exceeds the qualities your everyday soldier needs to survive, he is simply human being and probably wouldn’t take a bullet for you. 

It has to be the Terminator.

12. Would you rather be proposed to in private or in front of family and friends?

I hate being the centre of attention so this answer is obvious; in private thank you very much.

13. Would you rather have to sew all your clothes or grow your own food?

My dad was a very keen gardener and used to grow vegetables in our back garden. He was so good at it that he ended up having to give a lot of them away to friends and family. He also enrolled three unwilling co-workers to assist him. The chores included digging, planting, watering, picking and handling all manner of dirt and manure. One of those unwilling co-workers was me (the other two were my sisters). And I hated every second of it.

I would therefore much rather sew my own clothes. 

14. Would you rather hear the good news or the bad news first?

I am the kind of person who likes to leave the best things until last. Hearing the bad news first is the equivalent so I will choose that.

15. Would you rather be your own boss or work for someone else?

I’m used to working for somebody else. To be honest I’m happy with that although not having to deal with pointy-haired bosses does have an appeal. 

16. Would you rather have nosy neighbours or noisy neighbours?

I did live next door to a young student recently whose rich parents had bought him a house rather than letting him rent. Sadly, this meant that he was extremely noisy, sometimes choosing to have a spontaneous party at 2am on a Wednesday night with loud dance music ripping me from my dreams. We almost came to blows several times, particularly when he told me at 3am that I was being very rude to him on his doorstep. I am not a violent or belligerent person but on that occasion I was so angry that I said to him, between gritted teeth “Step outside the house and say that!” Thankfully one of the people at the party dragged him inside and said “We’re really sorry. Of course we will turn the music down!”

Thankfully, he moved out after a few months. The last time I saw him was when I went to a gig near to the University of Manchester and I saw him at the end of the bar when I was having a post-gig pint with my mates. We looked at each other and I just raised my pint and smiled. He did the same. No words were exchanged.

I think I prefer nosy neighbours because I have curtains and blinds. 

Here is a video that sums up the experience with my noisy neighbour.

17. Would you rather be on a survival reality show or dating game show?

I would have tremendous fun on a dating game show. I wouldn’t do very well on a survival reality show.

18. Would you rather be too busy or be bored?

I can usually find something to do when bored, so I would choose to be bored but make myself busy – if that makes sense.

19. Would you rather watch the big game at home or live at the stadium.

I’ve seen several big games live in the stadium and there is nothing to beat that in my opinion. 

20. Would you rather spend the day with your favourite athlete or your favourite movie star?

If I were allowed on set to see my favourite movie star in action then I would definitely go for that. And I would be cheeky enough to ask if I could appear in a scene or two as an extra.

21. Would you rather live where it is constantly winter or where it is constantly summer?

I hate winter. Winter in the UK is cold, wet, dark and miserable and it is only Christmas that stops me from going insane. The summer months make up for it though. I think if I were omnipotent, I would tilt the earth so that the UK was roughly where Spain is now.

22. Would you rather travel the US and see the sights in a motor home or by plane?

Every time I’ve been to the US I’ve travelled around by plane, mainly due to time constraints. On my first trip there way back in 1989, we only had four weeks and I wanted to see as much as possible. A motor home would required much more time given that we travelled to New York, Washington DC, New Orleans, San Francisco, Los Angeles and Cleveland. On subsequent trips, I have hired a car to just to travel for a few hours between cities where they have comfortable hotels. If I had a year to visit other places I might consider it, although I have seen a lot of horror movies where such vehicles have been targetted and that’s the thing that puts me off.

23. Would you rather be a little late or way too early?

I am weird. I would much rather be way too early. I hate being late for anything. 

24. Would you rather have an unlimited gift certificate to a restaurant or a clothing store?

I am not a dedicated follower of fashion so it would have to be a gift certificate for a restaurant.

25. Would you rather date someone you met online or go on a blind date?

I think I would prefer to date a person I had met online. I have always been shy, though these days I can’t really claim that is still the case, so a blind date might be more traumatic, particularly if the woman in question genuinely looked disappointed when she saw me. If you have met somebody online, you will no doubt have an inkling of whether or not you will get on as well as probably knowing what she looks like and what kind of a person she is.