I just want to reassure you all that this post may initially appear to be a political ranting mess from the mind of an angry Plastic Mancunian.
It is about positivity.
First of all, let me say this: Donald J Trump is an incredible man.
Yes, you’ve read that correctly.
“Why would you say this?” I hear you cry. “You’ve said horrible things about him on this very blog.”
That is true. Here are some of the things I have said:
“I mean look at the guy! He has mad hair and a mad attitude.”
“He's like a walking parody of a politician, an idiot who allows his mouth to utter his thoughts without going through his mental firewall.”
“I am a lot younger than the oversized oompa loompa with mad hair currently residing in the White House.”
I stand by those things – I think “the Donald” is as mad as a bag of badgers. Yet the reason I think he is incredible is because he seems to be getting away with it and has conned a lot of people – somehow. I would like to add that he is also a comedian.
The Plastic Mancunian of 2016 would have ranted and raved like an insane lunatic about the antics of the man who is leading America into a deeply uncertain future. However, I want to thank my quest for positivity for making me step back and remove negative thoughts about Donald Trump and also Brexit.
In the case of Trump, I watched the highlights (or should I say lowlights) of his totally embarrassing and deranged press conference last week and I actually laughed.
There was no anger. What is there to get angry about?
His lies were exposed (again!) and most of the western world were and remain incredulous that this man has the balls to say what he says.
That is why he is an incredible man. Everything he says is incredible and his outrageous lies are so breath-taking that they are hilarious.
So instead of dragging my soapbox out of retirement, I have been watching marvellous comedians, satirists and political commentators from both sides of the Atlantic, ripping him apart.
I have had a great time.
A positive outlook also helped me cope with a potentially disastrous family exchange on Sunday.
Before I continue, let me just fill you in on a few things you need to know.
(1) Mrs PM’s mum is a rampant Brexiteer, which means that she gets really, really angry because we haven’t left the European Union yet.
(2) I am the complete opposite and Brexit was the main contributor to my ranting negative angry persona in 2016.
(3) Mrs PM’s mum and I have had several arguments over the years, one in particular over lunch in a nice restaurant where I totally belittled her in public. Mrs PM and Mrs PM’s other half told us both off for being so stubborn and humiliating them in public.
(4) I avoided Mrs PM’s mum for almost five months in 2016 because I knew that the moment she brought up Brexit I would erupt like a human volcano and say lots of things that I would regret.
(5) Mrs PM’s mum’s political views are the polar opposite of mine.
(6) The only political similarity between Mrs PM’s mum and I is that we both have been known to stand up and bellow at political programmes on the television.
(7) Until today, Mrs PM had ordered her mum, that UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should she mention Brexit in front of me.
(8) Apart from politics, Mrs PM’s mum and I get on really, really well and we have been on holiday together quite a few times.
(9) Former Prime Minister Tony Blair, a rampant Remainer last week urged the people of the UK to rise up and fight against Brexit, causing every single Brexiteer in the UK to bellow their hatred of, in their words, “this arrogant delusional undemocratic arsehole”.
(10) Mrs PM’s mum hates Tony Blair.
On Saturday night we stayed at her mum’s house in Blackpool and went out for a lovely Chinese meal. Afterwards we went to the pub for a nightcap before returning to her house to retire for the night.
Now picture the scene:
I came down in the morning to see Mrs PM’s mum with a face like thunder. She was sitting on the television watching a political programme where the interviewer was asking a politician about whether Tony Blair could and should attempt to derail Brexit. The politician was talking and Mrs PM’s mum slapped the sofa in anger and looked like a coiled spring, ready to launch into a tirade of abuse about Remainers.
She knows my political stance and glared at me with the words “I AM SO WOUND UP!”.
Her face dared me to speak, challenged me to rant about Brexit. She had prepared herself for a confrontation with a Remainer, and there was one standing in her lounge - ME! The good time we had had the night before was a mere memory in her eyes.
The 2016 version of the Plastic Mancunian would have embraced the fight and unleashed my true thoughts about Brexiteers to her. He would have told her what he thought of her views and he would have insulted her with words that he would later regret. He would have pointed out her narrow-minded hypocrisy and upset everybody.
I somehow found something within to calm the situation. I wanted to be positive and non-confrontational. I knew that trying to point out why I hated her views would be as futile as leaping off Blackpool Tower in the hope that I would sprout wings and glide over the Irish Sea like a seagull.
I sat next to her and said, as calmly as possible:
“I am equally wound up but my views are the exact opposite of yours. Let’s find something else to watch.”
She looked at me in a puzzled way and then also found something within. Her face softened and she remembered where she was and who was in front of her.
“Do you want some tea and toast?” she said, finally realising that I was a guest in her house.
“Yes please,” I said. "Remainer tea, with Remainer milk and toasted Remainer bread with Remainer butter.”
I nudged her and grinned.
She smiled back and said “We only serve Brexit breakfast here.”
By this time I had flicked over the channel and Frasier popped on the TV.
“Have you ever seen this?” I said, swiftly changing the subject
“No, “ she said and then got up to make my breakfast.
Her other half then came in and said, “She’s been ranting all morning.”
But now she had stopped. I got my lovely toast and a fine cup of tea. The subject was forgotten and not mentioned again, even though , deep down, the anarchist within me wanted to destroy her argument in a furious verbal attack.
I regard that as a small victory for positivity.
The future is bright.