We all know Mr Perfect. We all know his sister, Ms Perfect too.
Mr Perfect is the greatest person on the planet.
He knows everything about everything.
He is loved by everybody.
His opinion is the only thing worth listening to; all other opinions are wrong.
He is the best friend you will ever have.
You cannot afford not to be friends with Mr Perfect. If you are not his friend then you are a nobody.
If you disagree with Mr Perfect, you are wrong.
If you don’t like Mr Perfect then you are unpopular.
Mr Perfect is King. Mr Perfect is the best of the best of the best.
As, of course, is Ms Perfect, his sister.
If you are reading this, Mr Perfect or Ms Perfect then you can stop now and go and circulate amongst your fans.
Goodbye; I will see you when I next post.
For the rest of you …
Doesn’t Mr Perfect really get up your nose?
I’m sure that each and every person who is now reading this knows a Mr Perfect; a person who is always correct even when he is wrong. He is a legend in his own lunchbox and revels in arguing with you about why you are wrong and he is right.
Mr Perect will argue just for the sake of arguing.
Mr Perfect is infuriating. He will argue that one plus one equals one until he is blue in the face, even though it is clear that one plus one is two.
Mr Perfect will never, ever, ever, ever admit mistakes. If Mr Perfect has a car accident it is always the fault of the other person even if that person is a pedestrian and Mr Perfect mounted the pavement to hit him.
Mr Perfect’s opinions are always correct even when it is quite clear that he is in a minority.
Mr Perfect twists facts to support his arguments even though his so-called “facts” are utterly absurd.
Mr Perfect will never walk away from an argument until you have admitted that you are totally incorrect and he is absolutely right. Sometimes it is the only way to get rid of him:
Mr Perfect: Climate change exists AND is caused by aliens.
PM: Hang on! Aliens? Aliens don’t really exist.
Mr Perfect: Yes they do! You are so naïve; OF COURSE aliens exist. The government has been covering it up for decades. They are trying to create the second Ice Age so that the conditions are perfect for their species.
PM: And where did you get THAT gem from?
Mr Perfect: DUH!!!! What do you think is going on in Area 51? There’s proof! I am right! I know!
PM: And of all the people in the world, why are you and you alone privy to this information?
Mr Perfect: I know people. You wouldn’t know – you haven’t as many friends in high places as I have. Hang on – where are you going?
PM: I’m going home to rip out my fingernails with a pair of pliers.
Mr Perfect: See? I told you I was right. I always am. You always walk off when you have lost an argument.
Do you know Mr Perfect, dear reader?
Or maybe you know Ms Perfect!
I’ll bet you do.