A Plastic Survey

Welcome to a sunny but cold South Manchester. The sky is blue, the sun is beaming out but the temperature is dropping, something I would expect as we head towards December. 

Shall we answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1. How long was your last phone conversation?

I don’t really use the phone a lot these days but I do recall that I spoke to two guys last Tuesday about a service they were providing that I require. Both conversations lasted about three minutes. 

2. Have you ever dyed your hair?

I am a men and generally men do not dye their hair. So the answer is a definite no. 

My hair is slowly turning grey and it will remain that way. I will never be these men:

In fact, even my beard has grey hair. So what? Grow old gracefully, I say.

3. What do you have on your feet?

I have a scruffy pair of slippers on my feet.

4. Do people ever mispronounce your name?

No, my name is very simple. All three of my names have just one syllable (actually that's not quite true because my first name is David. However I use Dave). I’ve travelled to many different countries and even in places like China, Russia and Japan, they get it right (accents aside).

5. Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?

I bought it from a clothes store in the UK called Next. It caters for both men and women.I bought it from the Men's section of course.

6. Does any part of your body hurt right now?

No. I am pain free.

7. Do you drink hard liquor?

Only very occasionally at Christmas and only then as a night cap. I can’t recall the last time I had any to be honest with you so it was probably about three or four years ago know. 

The reason I don’t drink hard liquor dates from university. Back in those days, we used to go to night clubs, usually starting off in a pub with beer and then switching to shorts in the club because beer can be quite filling. I used to be very shy and relied on alcohol as a means to persuade myself to talk to women. 

On one occasion, I didn’t think I was tipsy enough so I went for the hard stuff. 

I overdid it.

The next thing I recall is waking up in the morning with a colossal hangover and no memory and feeling in a way that can be summed up perfectly by the lyrics in this song:

I didn’t remember anything about what had happened and that scared me. These days my tipple of choice, it beer and, less often, wine. I also have the odd glass of port (again at Christmas).

8. Have you ever read a book in one sitting?

Only once. 

I woke up one morning feeling absolutely terrible. I think I had a mild dose of flu. Mrs PM went to work and left me feeling sorry for myself in bed. I woke up later and finished off the book I was reading but realised that I had run out of material. 

Mrs PM was reading the first Harry Potter book, Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, so I decided to give it a go. By the time she had returned home from work, I had started the second book.

That hasn’t happened since.

9. Do you like cats?  Why or why not?

I love cats. 

In my life I have had nine of the little beasts, culminating in the two I have at the moment. They are two three year old black cats, brother and sister, called Ziggy and Star(dust). 

Why do I like cats? Probably because they are a challenge. And they are cute. I love dogs too and they are fiercely loyal and loving but cats have very little loyalty in their cute little minds. 

They do what they want, when they want, how they want and they have nothing but utter contempt for human beings. However, they recognise that humans supply warmth, comfort and, most important of all, food and they offer themselves as little items to cuddle to satisfy our love of adorable little animals. They are totally manipulative and suckers like me fall for it every second of every day. 

That said, Ziggy and Star(dust) do spend a lot of time sitting next to us so they really do appear to like us. In fact Star(dust) is sitting on my desk, next to the keyboard, supervising me as I am typing right now.

I still think that cats may still be plotting to kill us. 

Who knows?

10. Do you like the ocean?

I love the ocean and whenever and I try to get to it as often as I can. In the UK we live about 35 miles away from the nearest beach I think and I tend not to go there. We usually see the sea abroad (mainly because it is much warmer and we are in a foreign land). 

At some point during such a holiday, I love to just sit next to the sea and listen to it as the waves crash ashore. It is even better if you are isolated. You can just close your eyes and drift into an almost mindful state. It is so relaxing. 

Also, the smell of the ocean is wonderful. It fulfils most of the senses – not taste though – it’s too salty.

11. Ever think you might have seen a UFO?

I would love to see a UFO. I haven’t seen one sadly, and I don’t think I have ever seen a strange light that could be a UFO. I have met people who fully believe in them and go out hunting them with the hope of being abducted. I wouldn’t go that far but I would love to see one race across the sky.

We do apparently get UFO sightings in Manchester; maybe there’s hope that I will see one.

12. Do you type fast?

I can’t type using all fingers but I have been working with computers for over forty years so my “two-finger typing” skills are the best. You would be surprised how quickly I can type. 

The good thing is that my typing is absolutely accurate and yew wil neva find enny mistooks in the werds I tipe.

13. How long are you usually in the shower for?

Usually about five to ten minutes. To be honest, I’ve never timed myself. 

14. Chinese food or Mexican food?

Both. Obviously not on the same plate though.

15. Do you read and believe your horoscope?

I used to read it for a laugh but then I realised that these words of nonsense apply to one twelfth of the world’s population. They are also very vague and general and can be interpreted in a number of ways, having been skilfully written by somebody with a great imagination but nothing else. Some planet is rising in the east therefore I am going to have a bad day? Nonsense. 

I have never believed a word of them and I never will. I will read my horoscope for today though just out of interest. 

I am Libra by the way.

You're sensitive to the world around you. It's like you're thinking with your heart. It's possible you'll be more impressionable and less objective when your emotions get the better of you in your relationships. If you'd hoped to hide something from someone, it won't work. Even if you say nothing, it's written on your face.

What a load of old codswallop!