Swap Bot Part Five

Welcome to a grey South Manchester where the weather is “changeable”, a word that weather forecasters like to use to soften the blow when telling us that it will rain a lot. The word “changeable” sounds okay – but the reality is that if you don’t go out with a brolly or raincoat there is a good chance you will get soaked, even if there is bright sunshine. 

Anyway, enough about the useless British weather; let’s answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing. 

1. Does love come from the brain, the heart or elsewhere?

Who knows? 

I don’t think it comes from the brain because typically when you are in love you tend to ignore everything your brain tells you to do. For example, I climbed the Sydney Harbour Bridge because Mrs PM wanted to do it and, although she was willing to go alone, she wanted to share the experience with me. My brain was screaming at me:

 “DON’T DO IT YOU MORON! YOU ARE TERRIFIED OF HEIGHTS!”

I ignored my brain. When it was all over, I dragged her to the nearest pub to calm down my jittering body with a pint of – well … ANYTHING, she told me that she would never have asked me if she knew how scared I would be. 

The heart? Nope. Sorry the heart is just an efficient pump that keeps you alive by circulating blood to you body and has been shanghaied by romantics to sell novels by Barbara Cartland and publicise movies like the dreadful “Love, Actually” and “Sleepless in Seattle”. 

I reckon that it comes from the person you are – for want of a better word, your “soul”. I’m not a religious person or a spiritual person at all but when I think about my physical organs (brain, heart etc.) they don’t really define the person I am. And that person I am is the entity that stores love. 

There you go, dear reader. Love comes from the soul.

Sorry for the metaphysical answer. I got carried away with the question really.

2. Have you ever given a shot?

In the UK we don’t really use the term “shot”; it is an American thing. But since I speak American fluently I know what you mean. 

No, I have never given a shot and I would be very nervous about doing so. 

3. Can you lick your elbow? (Come on, did you try?)

I know for a fact that you can’t lick your elbow unless you are a cat or a dog. So I didn’t try.

4. If I was going to be talking to you for 10 minutes, what would be something really interesting you know a little bit about but would like to know more?

Oh – lots of things! For example …

If you were any kind of scientist, I would be delighted for you to improve my knowledge on whatever your area of expertise is. 

If you could play the piano, I would want lots of tips on any techniques I can use to make my useless fingers do exactly what my brain is telling them too.

I love meeting people who know more than me about subjects that I am interested in.

5. What do you think of the Sopranos?

I have never seen it but it is on the list of things I will get around to watching. I am still catching up on a few things. For example Mrs PM and I are watching “The Wire” – just started the second series.

6. Have you ever had a crush on your teacher?  How about your boss?

I had a crush on a teacher in my last year of junior school. I was about ten years old. She must have been in her twenties at the time, meaning that if she is still around she will be in her seventies now. 

I won’t name her, but she was gorgeous. I became a total teacher’s pet and in the year she taught me, I was smitten like a little puppy dog. When I left that school to go to the grammar school, I even went back a couple of times to see her under the pretence of doing gymnastics as an extra-curricular activity. 

As for my bosses, they have mostly been men but I have never had a crush on a female boss at all. 

7. Have you ever seen a movie in 3D?

Yes – and it is a waste of money. The first one I saw was at university; it was Friday 13th Part III. At the time, 3D was relatively new I think and thankfully the trend seemed to fade due to lack of interest. But recently it came back and we saw the first Avatar movie in 3D. It was okay but I would have preferred 2D to be honest. 

8. How difficult do you think it is for immigrants to come into your country?

It is getting worse. Brexit was largely about immigration and certain tabloid newspapers stoke fear into the people with sensationalist headlines that attempt to pin the blame on all the UK’s woes on immigrants. Headlines like these:

We claim to be a welcoming country but the reality is that we’re not that welcoming at all in my opinion. I will leave this discussion there in case I launch into a massive rant.

9. Do you have what it takes to go live in another country, maybe for years, where you don't speak the language as your first language?

I would love to do that. I speak a little French, German and Spanish and would welcome the opportunity to live in a place that spoke one of those languages and dive into the culture, including speaking those languages to fluency. Mrs PM did it at university and she speaks French very well (she used to speak it fluently over twenty five years ago – although she claims she is no longer fluent). 

10. Have you ever died in your dreams?

No. I’ve had weird dreams where I have been in danger but I’ve never died. I remember seeing a film called Dreamscape starring Dennis Quaid and that movie claimed that if you died in your dream, you died in real life.

11. What book should our political leaders read and why?

I would suggest 1984 by Geroge Orwell to show the dangers of heading towards a totalitarian state. Also, a book about the benefits of telling the truth would be good.

12. What is your favourite glass object?

I’m not sure I have a favourite glass object to be honest with you. I quite like a glass that I acquired from a beer festival that is the perfect shape and volume to hold a 440ml can of beer. 

13. Do you like to window shop?

I don’t like shopping full stop and I find window shopping pointless. I prefer to surf the internet for things I need to buy and, to me, that doesn’t count as window shopping.

14. Are you more likely to buy one really nice expensive outfit or a couple of cheap outfits?

I would rather buy a couple of cheaper outfits. The only time I buy expensive outfits is for weddings and things like that. I do have a penguin suit which I bought in a sale for a New Year’s Eve party and I have worn that a few times but such extravagance is the exception.

15. If you could, would you wear everything once, throw it out and buy something new?

No – that would be a complete waste of money and not very good for anybody or anything.