From Facebook

THIS CLOWN IS OUR PRIME MINISTER

Welcome to a sunny South Manchester, with the sun shining, a blue sky with a few scattered clouds and reasonable day from sitting in the garden with a couple of friends later. The restrictions have been relaxed slightly so that a group of up to six people can meet outdoors in beer gardens, outside coffee shops and even in private gardens. 

Things are improving nicely just in time for summer.

Shall we dive into some silly questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1. The best story your parents or grandparents tell about the good ole days.

My grandparents died many years ago but I did hear some good stories when I was much younger. My grandad on my father’s side was a World War Two prisoner of war. He was captured and held in a prisoner of war camp until the end of the war when he was released. My grandmother was led to believe that he had been killed and faced the prospect of bringing up my father on her own. And then, out of the blue, she heard a knock on the front door. She opened it to reveal my grandad who said, “I’m back, love.” 

My grandmother promptly fainted. 

Suffice it to say she was delighted to have him back and, just short time afterwards, their family grew from three to five with the birth of my two aunts. 

My grandad was not very forthcoming about his experience but he told us a few tales and seemed to recover well from the ordeal. He lived to the grand old age of 84 and was the last of my grandparents to die, when I was about 23 years old. 

2. The best things in life are...

Free? Possibly. The best things in life are friends, family, travel, music and love. Be nice to people and they will return the favour – usually.

3, Things that drive me batty

Oh dear – where do I begin? The current crop of incompetent buffoons who are the UK government drive me insane with their lies and ineptitude. Our Prime Minister is a scarecrow and an idiot. 

Reality TV also drives me crazy when I accidentally encounter it. I simply cannot understand how somebody can be so famous for doing nothing and having no talent apart from a massive ego and no shame.

UK newspapers also make me batty – they are full of lies and the worst thing is that people actually believe them.

I could write a book so I will stop here in case I bore you insane myself.

4. A place I'd like to live and why

I will mention three places because that’s the kind of rebel I am.

First, Hong Kong. I love the city with its mixture of east and west. It is a beautiful and exciting city and it breaks my heart that the Chinese are starting to impose their iron will on it.

Next, I will say Nice in the South of France. It may sound like a pun but Nice is a very nice place and brilliantly located for exploration of similar places like Cannes, Antibes and Monte Carlo. 

Finally, I will say Marbella in the south of Spain. It is a beautiful little seaside resort and equally well located for exploration of quaint local towns. 

5. The best thing I've ever found

When I was a kid, I was on a bus and spotted a wallet on the adjacent seat. I opened it up and it was crammed full of more cash than I had ever seen in my life. There was a photograph in it and a name and address. I was the only person on the bus so I could have just taken it. Instead, I did the right thing and handed it to the bus driver when I got off. “That’s so honest,” said the bus driver. He promised to hand it in. 

6. The best thing that happened recently is.

Nothing brilliant has happened recently because of this bloody pandemic. I have had to take stock of things and lower my expectations. I would probably say seeing my eldest lad’s new house about two weeks ago. He and his girlfriend have bought a house in the north of Manchester near to a huge park. It needs a fair amount of work but once they have finished it will be brilliant. It’s good to see them finally on the housing ladder, which is difficult for young people in the UK at the moment.

7. I admire people who...

I admire people who are honest and helpful. I also love intelligent and funny people. 

8. What makes me special

Absolutely nothing. I am just an average, ordinary guy. I’m not nasty and I wear my heart on my sleeve.

9. I am looking forward to...

The end of this bloody pandemic. In June, apparently, most restrictions will be lifted and life can return to something approaching normality. By then most people in the UK will have been vaccinated at least once – I should have had my second jab by mid-May. I think, given that Europe is behind us in its vaccination programme, the chances of being able to travel abroad this year are looking slimmer and slimmer. We will see what happens in 2022 – by which time we will hopefully be able to visit Spain, France, Belgium and Greece (as we had planned in 2020).

10. Things that scare me

I am scared of heights, scared of big spiders and I hate public speaking. I have tried to tackle heights by climbing the biggest structures on the planet – but I will never do it again. I have also had to endure public speaking in the past but I hope not to do that again either. I don’t live in Australia so the chances of encountering a monster with eight legs is slim, though it has to be said, it was always at the back of my mind when I visited in 2005. I will return one day but I will never search for the bloody things. That would be insane.

I think that giving a speech to an audience of tarantulas at the top of the Eiffel Tower would be the scariest thing on the planet.

11. Complaints I have

See above about our UK government. Also, the BBC received over 100,000 complaints about its ridiculous coverage of the death of Prince Phillip. Today is the funeral and once again the BBC have block booked the schedule until 5 o’clock. Worse, all football matches have had to adjust their schedule so that they don’t clash with the funeral. What do they expect? Do they expect everybody in the UK to sit solemnly in front of their televisions watching the royal family? Do they expect us to sit and mope and console each other while wearing black suits? 

The over-the-top coverage is ridiculous. 

12. I could never live without...

Music. I love it. 

13. Things that make me laugh 

A decent stand-up comedian. British humour is the best in the world and we have some of the greatest comedians on the planet.

14. What is a new skill that you would like to learn?

I would like to speak a language fluently, Spanish is top of the pile at the moment. I would also like to play a guitar like this guy.

15. What brightened your day today?

The weather and the fact that my mates are coming round in about an hour.