Birthday Meme

We have been hit by another storm that has brought chaos, wind damage and floods to various parts of the UK and we chose this weekend to go for a little break, away with friends in Cheshire at a set of country lodges. Sadly we were stuck inside because of the weather but we had fun anyway.

Back now so I think I just have time to answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing.

It’s called “Birthday Meme” and I wonder whose birthday it actually is.

Have you ever

1. Broken a bone?

No. I was talking about this yesterday with one of my friends on our weekend away. He was knocked off a bike as a kid and broke his leg, wrist and arm. And when he was five he had a compound fracture of his arm too.

I have been lucky. I just hope fate isn’t waiting to deal me a blow now because I have written this.

2. Broken a window?

Yes – several times. I once threw a cricket ball through my parent’s bathroom window by accident but the most embarrassing was when I was about fifteen. Back then I used to do a paper round and then collect money from the same houses for those who couldn’t be bothered to pay at the newsagent. On Friday night, I arrived at a house and knocked on the glass door as they didn’t have a bell or door knocker. I could tell they were in because I could see shadows and hear the TV but they failed to answer the door. So I hit the door really hard with my knuckles – and punched a hole straight through the glass, which then cracked and fell from the window frame and shattered noisily on the floor.

I stood there frozen in terror – but they still hadn’t heard it.

So I just ran.

The next day, I was so ashamed that I was going to go back, collect the money and then maybe confess. When I got to the door, the owner was talking to his neighbour and as I approached he said “If I get my hands on the thugs that did this, I’ll bloody kill them.”

Forcing myself to smile, I said, “Hiya! I’ve come to collect the newspaper money.” He paid me as I waited and carried on moaning about what he was going to do to the culprit that had shattered his window.

As you can imagine, I didn’t confess.

3. Been on TV?

Only a couple of times as a member of the crowd watching a sporting event. The last time was when England were playing New Zealand in a 20-20 match as cricket. The batsman hit a six and the ball flew into the crowd. As I watched, I thought it would hit me so I did what any self-respecting idiot would do and spilled my beer down the front of my shirt. And the event was captured on TV by an alert camera team tracking the path of the ball as it headed towards me.

And no – the ball landed nowhere near to me.

4. Had a friend who shared the same birthday as you?

Yes. At school, one mate was exactly the same age as me. Also, my son’s girlfriend’s sister shares my birthday.

5. Locked your keys in the car?

Yes. I was still married to my ex-wife at the time and I had to call her and get her to leave school (she was a teacher) and drive to rescue me via our house to pick up the spare keys. She wasn’t very happy.

6. Accidentally sent a text or email to the wrong person?

Oh yes. And it was a work one too. The last few lines will tell you why I could have been in serious trouble.

“Yes – it is a problem and really we should tell the customer. But I think we can get away with it for now. We just need to be economical with the truth when we send the report.”

I got away with it, by sending the same message a further two times to the same customer but without the offending lines. I basically told them the truth and hoped that they would think I had gone mad sending them three identical emails and only read the last one. It worked – thank goodness.

7. Sat in the back of a police car?

Yes. My car broke down at a traffic light on a very busy road during the rush hour. A police van appeared and towed me across the road to wait for a breakdown truck but because I had never been towed, one of the policemen sat in my car while the other towed it. “I’ve never been in a police car before,” I said with a smile. “Make sure this is the only time,” he laughed.

8. Fallen asleep at work?

Yes. I flew to South Africa overnight (a ten hour flight with little or no sleep) and had to go to a meeting almost as soon as I arrived. The meeting lasted two hours and then I could go to the hotel – but sadly, it was so long and tedious that I quite literally couldn’t keep my eyes open. I was asleep for about ten minutes, according to one of my work colleagues. Thankfully, only he noticed.

9. Made a snow angel?

No. I hate snow. Why would I lie down in it?

10. Ridden in an ambulance

No – no neither as a patient or a friend.

11. Worst household chore

It’s a toss up between cleaning the toilet and ironing.

12 .Worst colour

Pink. I really do not like pink.

13. Worst pizza topping

I like most pizza toppings to be honest but I struggle with black olives.

14. Worst weather

A winter snowstorm.

15. Worst self-care job (e.g. dressing, washing, shaving, teeth, toe nails)

I don’t like having a wet shave. I usually use my shaver but if I get lazy and let my “beard” grow for a while, I have to wet shave – and I hate it.

16. Worst game

Golf is utterly tedious to watch. I’ve never played it.

17. Worst school subject

I was terrible at Geography. I didn’t mind the map-reading aspect of it, but everything else was utterly tedious. I had no interest in learning it so I simply didn’t try.

18. Worst animal

Do insects and spiders count as animals? If they do then any insect or spider. If not, then probably a skunk.

19. Worst season

Winter – by a long, long way. Come on Spring – let’s be having you.

20. Worst TV show

Any reality show at all, apart from The Apprentice (UK version not the US one that was run by the Orange Goblin in the White House).