A Real Bucket List (Part 5)

Well, dear reader, this is it; the final part of the Bucket List I stole of an unsuspecting victim on the internet.

I would like to thank that person for providing me with inspiration for a few posts.

And without further ado, here are the final 20 items from the list:

81. Be able to handle: your tax forms, Jehovah's Witnesses, your banker, telephone solicitors.

As said in my “alternative”bucket list, I actually enjoy talking to Jehovah’s Witnesses. The last couple who came to my door were reading extracts from the Bible to convince me that the Big Bang didn’t happen. The quotes had nothing to do with the discussion at all. And I was told that Satan placed the dinosaur fossils to prey on our weaknesses. I had to laugh, but I wasn’t condescending at all. In fact, they left with a smile and said that it was a nice change for somebody to talk to them rather than telling them to piss off. As for bankers and solicitors, that’s more difficult.

82. Give to a charity -- anonymously.

I do that – actually I don’t because the hospice that I donate to every month knows my name. I would rather give it anonymously though and I guess I do when Mrs PM forces me to take my old paperbacks to the charity shop every so often.

83. Lose more money than you can afford at roulette in Vegas.

I am very careful when it comes to gambling and when I was in Las Vegas I was extra careful. Mrs PM had been there a week earlier when she went to a conference and I couldn’t let her go alone. On her first night she won $200 on the roulette and then later, she won some more. I went there prepared to lose a small amount per day and stuck to my limit. Mrs PM on the other hand, because of her wins, managed to come out in the black. Personally, I think gambling is a complete waste of time if you think you can become rich from it because the odds are stacked against you; being a student of statistical analysis I have absolute proof of this. The banker always wins in the long run, whether it is roulette, black jack, poker, one-armed bandits or horse racing. Still, it can be fun if you are careful and are prepared to allow the banker to win a tiny amount. I don’t think I am prepared to lose a large amount of money at roulette anywhere, let alone Vegas.

84. Let someone feed you peeled, seedless grapes.

I will ask Mrs PM to do this on my 50^th birthday later in the year.

85. Kiss the Blarney stone and develop the gift of gab.

I would LOVE to have the gift of the gab on a permanent basis. Sometimes I can be extremely charming and captivating but most of the time I try to hard and end up looking like an arse. If you have the gift of the gab, dear reader, and are willing to give me any tips, then I’m all ears.

86. Fart in a crowded space.

This is one of the easiest things to do. All you need to do is let go of a real stinker and look around horrified, wrinkling your nose in disgust. Try it – it works.

87. Make love on the kitchen floor.

The kitchen floor is made of stone and extremely cold – so the answer is a definite no!

88. Go deep sea fishing and eat your catch.

Does catching a trout in a river in Wales count? Actually, it wasn’t me who caught the trout but a friend of mine. I did cook it and we shared it between four of us – there was hardly any really. I felt quite bad about it but my excuse was that I was only 18 and it seemed like an adventurous thing to do for four young lads staying in a cottage in the middle of nowhere.

89. Create your own web site.

I have done this, dear reader. You are reading it.

90. Visit the Holy Land.

Anything that involves travelling is a definite possibility, even to a place like the Holy Land.

91. Make yourself spend a half-day at a concentration camp and swear never to forget.

I presume by this you mean visit Auschwitz or something like that. To be honest, this is a possibility. As I get older, I am more fascinated by history, particularly evil bastards like Hitler, and I think that visiting a place like this would be as fascinating as it was distressing.

 

92. Run to the top of the Statue of Liberty.

I’ve climbed to the top of the Statue of Liberty but I have a feeling that you can’t do it these days. When I climbed the statue (from the inside I hasten to add) it would have been impossible to run up to the top. To get there, we had to walk up a spiral staircase that was intertwined with another one coming down and it was so crowded, full of fawning Americans, that I would have had to have shoved them out of the way. Basically, I slowly climbed up, walked across the crown, looked out of the tiny windows and then walked back down. It was slightly disappointing but from the outside it looked spectacular.

93. Create your Family Tree.

At the weekend, Mrs PM and I went to a leaving party in Liverpool and were kindly given a lift back from one of her work colleagues. As Mrs PM fell asleep in the back of the car, I chatted to this married couple and he was busy researching his family tree. In fact, the couple were so serious that they had paid money to one of the better known ancestry web sites and actually made a lot of progress. I was slightly inspired to be honest and this might actually become a future hobby, when and if I get fed up of blogging or retire.

94. Catch a ball in the stands of a major league baseball stadium.

The closest I will ever get to doing this is to catch a cricket ball that has been whacked for six by a rampant English batsman. In fact, I am going to see England versus the West Indies towards the end of May in Nottingham – so I’ll let you know if I succeed.

95. Make a hole-in-one.

Golf is utter rubbish. Not a chance.

96. Ski a double-black diamond run.

That’s funny. I would have to learn to ski first. Not a hope in hell.

97. Learn to bartend.

I really should have done this when I was younger. It would have opened up a whole world of part time jobs when I was a student. Instead I was a postman or just plain lazy. I guess it’s never too late and if I get sacked or have an “American Beauty” moment, I could give it a go.

98. Run a marathon.

In my youth I could possibly have done this. I used to be in the school cross country team and as I ran and settled into a rhythm, the thought of doing a marathon seemed an achievable goal (although the furthest I ever ran was probably only about 6 miles). I think I’m a little too old now.

99. Look into your child's eyes, see yourself, and smile.

I have looked into the eyes of both of my sons and seen myself. I’ve laughed and cried at the same time because this is such a wonderful experience. My sons will probably say that they have looked into my eyes, seen themselves and thought “Oh my God! Is THIS what I am going to TURN INTO? AAARRGGHH!!!”

100. Reflect on your greatest weakness, and realize how it is your greatest strength.

I have lots of weaknesses and I know exactly what they are. I don’t really see why or how any of them could be my greatest strength. Perhaps having the openness to talk about them on a blog like this is a strength – but in reality I only do it for cheap laughs.

Well that’s it, dear reader. Once again, please feel free to let me know which of the above items you have achieved.

I am off to Spain on Saturday and can’t wait, so next week will be all quiet on the Plastic Mancunian front.

If I manage to cross any more items off the list I will let you know.

I don’t plan to challenge my fear of heights again though – or my fear of nasty creatures.