Happy Birthday Mrs PM

Mrs PM reaches a marvellous milestone tomorrow (18th August); she is forty years old.

I have already mentioned that she is slightly traumatised by the prospect of turning forty, despite my attempts to convince her that it she is still a child (well compared to me anyway).

I have said before that I simply do not understand why it is such a problem – I mean look at me!! It’s only a couple of years until I am fifty and my hair is starting to go grey. You don’t see me moaning and moping.

I’m sure she will get over it and, like me, she will embrace her age and enjoy it.

Mrs PM shares her birthday with Edward Norton, Robert Redford, Christian Slater and Malcolm-Jamal Walker (the latter being born in the same year).

To celebrate her birthday, I have compiled a series of facts about my beloved lady, one for each year of her life.

Without further ado, I present for your reading pleasure, forty facts about Mrs PM.

(1) Mrs PM’s real name is Lisa, a name she loves. Sadly, I am an immature buffoon and love calling her derivatives of her name – like Betty, Beth, Betsy or Elizabeth. Sadly I suffer pain as a result.

(2) She is from Blackpool, a seaside resort in the North West of England famous for its tower. Again Mrs PM is very proud of her home town. On a trip to Shanghai, we climbed up the Pearl Tower (not literally obviously) and as I was squeaking with fear and ready to explode from all orifices, Mrs PM pointed to a display that mentioned other towers. Guess what? Blackpool Tower was there even though it is tiny in comparison.

(3) Mrs PM hates football but has suddenly found an interest in the sport – because her home town team, Blackpool, are now in the Premiership (although they will be absolutely destroyed by all clubs they play). I actually caught her listening to live commentary on Radio Five Live on Saturday – something she has never ever done before. And Blackpool handed her the perfect birthday present by winning 4-0 against Wigan away. It is all downhill from here.

(4) Like me, Mrs PM is a seasoned traveller and has visited similar countries to me. We are both visiting Iceland on Friday this week, a country neither of us has been to before. It is my treat for her birthday. We are looking forward to it, although I believe that it is very expensive. I will say hello to Eyjafjallajökull for you and ask it stop erupting.

(5) Mrs PM and I have been together since 1998. She has had to put up with me for almost twelve years. She obviously has a lot of staying power.

(6) Lisa is a Leo and is convinced that she possesses all of the personality traits of the rest of the twelfth of the world population that share her star sign. I am a Libran and apparently Librans and Leos are ideally matched, which is lucky I guess. Our relationship consists of me trying to stop her from being impulsive. I am careful by nature (she uses the word “indecisive” instead of “careful”) so I try to rein her in sometimes. I don’t always succeed and end up on the top of places like the Sydney Harbour Bridge in a stupid suit absolutely shitting my pants.

(7) Mrs PM has bad taste in men. Why else would she choose me?

(8) Mrs PM’s taste in music is utterly, utterly dreadful. She loves the Black Eyed Peas, Lady Ga Ga and all sorts of similar crap.

(9) Mrs PM hates my music so you can imagine the battles we have (Rammstein versus Madonna for example).

(10) Lisa has seen a few big acts live like Madonna and the Black Eyed Peas. She wasn’t impressed with Madonna and paid over £100 to see her. I would have gone out of curiosity but chose to spend the £100 on several decent CDs instead.

(11) Mrs PM can speak French almost fluently (though she claims to be rusty). I have seen her hold a conversation in France and she doesn’t sound rusty to me. She sounds extremely sexy when she chats in French even if she is insulting me.

(12) Mrs PM can also speak a little Spanish. With my German we have a lot of Europe covered (though my German is crap).

(13) We met in Hong Kong – hence it is our favourite city in the world. We always stop off there if we are heading in that direction to visit old haunts and reminisce about our early relationship. We plan to head east on my fiftieth birthday and no doubt we will stop off there on our way.

(14) Mrs PM used to be short sighted but she is not squeamish about eyes and had the eye-butchers laser her eyes into submission. She can see perfectly now. I am too much of a coward to even go near to the place.

(15) Mrs PM shares my passion for science fiction – she is a geek (by her own admission).

(16) She has a degree from the University of Liverpool, just like me. However, we attended university at different times so never actually met there. Bizarrely we even had some of the same lecturers.

(17) Mrs PM works in IT doing a similar job to me but for a different company. We have been known to sit in a pub discussing the merits of databases, programming languages and operating systems, oblivious to the fact that people might be watching and thinking that we are the saddest individuals on the entire planet.

(18) Lisa is a very good photographer and my own ability to take decent pictures has improved as a result of her coaching. She took a course and has produced some great pictures. She was responsible for making me dress up like Gene Simmons. Here are some photos you may not have seen – and yes they are all me and all taken by Mrs PM. She also did all of the make up – and, despite claiming to hate my old leather jacket, she made me wear it (she LOVES it really).






(19) Mrs PM likes to experiment when cooking – she uses me as a guinea pig and apart from the odd disaster she usually pulls it off.

(20) She loves going out for meals and “having a boogie”. Unfortunately “having a boogie” invariably involves dragging me up onto the dance floor to strut my funky stuff to songs like this. I am usually surrounded by lots of attractive young women at the time, even though I look like a mad uncle dancing at a wedding.

(21) Mrs PM is an only child.

(22) She lived in Toulouse, France, for a year and when she speaks French, people say she has a Toulouse accent.

(23) Cats are her favourite animal by a country mile. I reckon that if I agreed we would have an army of cats in our house. Instead we have just the two and she absolutely dotes on them. I am convinced that I am bottom of the pecking order.

(24) I am in awe of her intelligence. Mrs PM is far cleverer than I am.

(25) She is far more adventurous than me and I have suffered as a result of her daring behaviour. As I said earlier she has dragged me kicking and screaming to the top of the Sydney Harbour Bridge and other enormous leviathans like the Eiffel Tower.

(26) I sometimes call Mrs PM Tonto because although she is highly intelligent, she is one of the most scatterbrained people I know. Tonto was the Lone Ranger's faithful companion and could guide him anywhere with his excellent sense of direction and tracking skills. Mrs PM on the other hand is the complete opposite and has managed to get us lost on numerous occasions. “I know where I’m going” she will cry confidently, just before leading us into oblivion. She frequently has what she calls “Lisa moments” when she gets lost, forgets something, loses something or all three. I will one day compile a list of “Lisa moments” for a future blog post – and I can guarantee that you won’t believe a word of it.

(27) She has several names for me, one of which is her “public term of endearment”. Inspired by my crazy hair, she calls me Flossy much to the amusement of friends. Another name is Wavy Davy, again a reference to my horrific hair. Yet she won’t let me cut it all off.

(28) Her eyes are green and very sexy.

(29) Although I am accused of snoring, I can confirm that Mrs PM is the loudest snorer in the world. When our fat cat is asleep at the bottom of the bed I simply cannot sleep due to excessively loud close harmony snoring.

(30) She doesn’t mind being “fashionably” late (unlike me).

(31) My two lads love Mrs PM because she jokes around with them almost as much as I do. We usually have “lads versus girl” discussions and gang up on her. It’s all good fun.

(32) Her favourite TV programmes at the moment include Casualty, Mistresses, Desperate Housewives and Fringe. She is also, like me, a fan of Star Trek, Dr Who and Lost.

(33) White wine is Mrs PM’s favourite tipple but she also drinks red wine, beer and the odd cocktail. She has been known to get drunk once in a while (though usually I am equally inebriated).

(34) Mrs PM claims to be shy but is usually the life and soul of any party. I simply cannot believe that she thinks she is shy.

(35) She gets a kick out of embarrassing me in public. The more people there the more humiliating she can be.

(36) Spiders terrify Mrs PM which is bad news when one appears because I have to get rid of the thing – and I am scared of them too.

(37) Her ideal man, apparently, is Antonio Banderas, a man who is the total opposite of me in every respect. He is a ruggedly handsome Hispanic type who smoulders onscreen and who only has to say “Hello – my name is Zorro” to make women swoon in a fit of ecstasy. I on the other hand am a mad-haired Viking with the charm and sophistication of a warthog who only makes women swoon when I show them a recording of Banderas talking. I’m convinced that Mrs PM sniffs glue sometimes.

(38) Mrs PM is very ticklish – and I mean VERY VERY ticklish. Just gently stroking her hand can make her laugh. You can imagine what happens when I really go for it; she transforms into a gibbering giggling wreck. I don’t tickle her often – just once or twice an hour.

(39) Despite hating rock music, for some insane reason she actually likes this song. She also recently admitted that AC/DC were “not that bad”. I think my brainwashing attempts are working.

(40) Mrs PM loves horror films but they scare the sanity out of her. If we watch a horror film you can guarantee that she will have nightmares unless she spends at least two hours actively thinking about something else – unless I casually remind her just as she is about to go to sleep.

I hope you found those facts interesting and perhaps it gives you a picture of the woman I love. She is a wonderful person and I am crazy about her.

I will finish off by posting a photo of myself (sans makeup) and Lisa, taken last Saturday in a bar in Manchester where we were out celebrating her birthday with family and a few friends.



Happy fortieth birthday Lisa and thanks for putting up with me.

Life begins now …