Exposed

 

Welcome to a sunny South Manchester where sky is blue, the clouds are white yet the Autumn temperature is a chilly 8°C (46 °F). It’s been a busy weekend for me and that will culminate with my going to a gig this evening at the Manchester AO Arena. 

The band I am going to see is The Offspring. Do you remember them? If you don’t, here they are:

Enough of that. Let’s dive into some silly questions from Sunday Stealing. 

1. If you were an animal, what animal would you be?

I think that I would be some form of cat, either a domestic cat but more likely an apex predator like a lion. Either way, I think cats have a great life. In the house they are pampered by their owners (or should I say slaves) but in the wild, the rule their environment. I think life would be good in either case. 

2. Are you generous?

I am quite generous, yes. I’m not stupid about it but I like to help people in any way I can. 

3. Of the following, which consistently gives you the most pleasure: a) music, b) money, c) books, d) science, e) spirituality, f) food and wine, g) movies?

All of them give me immense pleasure apart from, perhaps, spirituality, because I am not that spiritual. I used to be, when I was a child (as a Roman Catholic), but I have a scientific and analytical mind and spirituality and religion don’t really fit into that way of thinking.   

Money allows me to enjoy all of them so really, I guess I could argue that without that I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the rest of them. But I am not a greedy person and while it is nice to have money, I do not actively seek to fill my coffers out of pure voracity. I just want enough to enjoy music, books, food, wine/beer and movies. 

4. Describe your dancing ability.

I was recently at a friend’s wedding and the bride came over to me during the after wedding party. She said “Why aren’t you dancing?”.

I wanted to say “Because the music is crap!” but I didn’t. I told her that I didn’t know the song, which was, strictly speaking true because it was some hip-hop R’n’B dancey tune that I couldn’t identify. 

“That doesn’t matter,” she replied grabbing my hand. 

I couldn’t refuse to dance with the bride now, could I? It was after all her big day. 

So I joined her on the dance floor and did my usual trick which to try to listen to the words and “act them out” in a silly manner. This was difficult because I didn’t really know the words. But then a new song came on that I knew. 

And I danced to it is a really silly way. 

The bride approached me and said “You have some good moves”.

I took that as a compliment but I was just joking around. 

My style of dancing has bitten me though. At a company Christmas party several years ago, I was a little merry and I found myself dancing with a group of people to “Like a Prayer” by Madonna. I started to dance out the words and one of my mates joined in the fun. 

And then the words “I’m down on my knees I want to take you there” came out, so we both plunged to our knees.

And it bloody hurt. 

I couldn’t get up for a few seconds. My mate, who is much younger and fitter than me was back up standing, laughing his head off. I managed to stand up and Mrs PM came over and told both of us off, him for laughing and me for being a bloody idiot. I limped off the dance floor like scolded puppy.

So, yes, I can dance. I dance like an idiot but in the chaos, there are some good moves (apparently).  

5. What do you think your worst enemy really thinks of you?

I have no idea who my worst enemy is. I am sure that there are people out there who don’t like me but if I sense that in people I avoid them. They probably think that I am a weird, geeky, boring idiot. And they are probably right. But I embrace that. I am not going to change for them. 

These days I don't really car what people think of me. 

6. Can you tell when someone is lying to you?

Sometimes. I have an analytical mind so I can sometimes spot contradictions and flaws when people are lying to me.

I heard recently that the best way to tell if someone is lying to you is to stay quiet and let them slowly dig themselves into a hole. I think, as a technique, it probably works. 

7. Describe how it feels to fall in love.

It feels amazing but I can’t really tell you any specifics. It kind of looms up on you and takes you by surprise. 

8. In deadly peril, what three people would you want in a foxhole with you?

I would choose survivalist specialist Bear Grylls because he would be able to keep us alive. I would choose a young Chuck Norris character because nobody messes with Chuck Norris. Finally I would choose a medical person to sort me out if I got injured. 

This gives me an excuse to dig out some Chuck Norris facts:

Chuck Norris died twenty years ago but the Grim Reaper is too scared to tell him.

Chuck Norris created a giraffe by uppercutting a horse. 

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity … twice

Chuck Norris is the only man who can punch you in the back of the face

9. What is your greatest weakness?

I battle constantly with procrastination, so much so that I have mentioned it a lot on this blog. 

10. If you were to live out the rest of your life as your favourite fictional character, which would you choose?

Probably somebody with super powers. I think that Harry Keogh from the Necroscope series of books by Brian Lumley. Basically, he can talk to the dead and has used that information to be able to be able to use maths and the Möbius Continuum to teleport anywhere and anywhen. Obviously I would want to be the human version before he was turned into arguably the world’s most dangerous vampire. 

See what I mean about being weird?