Whenever I return from a holiday or from a pastime that I enjoy, there is always a feeling of guilt deep down inside me that threatens to ruin the memories of the fun I have had.
It shouldn’t be this way, dear reader.
I blame politicians and control freaks
We need to stand up against this outrageous manipulation of our feelings as these people try to control us by pointing out the bad things in life.
Are you with me?
When I go on holiday it is like the steam valve on a pressure cooker has been released and the true me escapes into the world like dog let off a leash.
I eat too much, drink too much and sleep too much.
I spend my time either being lazy and relaxing or embracing new cultural experiences.
I make rude gestures at Mr Motivator, the corporate bastard who tries to dominate my life.
I ignore advice from governmental arseholes who think that they know what is best for me.
And when I set foot back in my own home, part of me feels guilty , even if I have only been away for seven days, because:
I have over-indulged on food that is going to make me fat and unhealthy.
I have drunk more beer than I should have with little regard for the consequences.
I have wasted part of the day because I went to bed at 1am, got up at 10am, having spent too much time sleeping and just lying in bed with a good book.
I have spent time on a sunbed reading or listening to music while watching the sea gently lap up onto a golden beach, when I could have (and in certain people’s eyes should have) been doing something productive.
All thoughts of work have been dispelled and I have dreamt about leaving and burning all of my bridges with Mr Motivator.
I have done exactly what I wanted.
The current guilt-laden culture of living really pisses me off. Why? Because ...
I am made to feel guilty because I have a full English breakfast on a Saturday morning.
I am made to feel guilty because I choose to spend three hours binge-watching Sons of Anarchy instead of going outside to do something more active.
I am made to feel guilty because I want to go for a long walk at my own pace instead of killing myself to run a 10K race.
I am made to feel guilty because I leave work early to relax instead of choosing to stay behind for four hours listening to Mr Motivator’s bullshit.
I am made to feel guilty because I have an extra beer on a Friday night.
I am made to feel guilty because I sometimes want to some “me time”.
I am made to feel guilty for sleeping in at the weekend.
I am made to feel guilty not getting over-excited when I read the latest banal post on Facebook.
I am made to feel guilty because I choose to go to a rock concert instead of an opera.
I am made to feel guilty because I tell people why I do not like things.
I am made to feel guilty because I no longer send Christmas cards or Valentines cards.
I am made to feel guilty for being happy.
I am made to feel guilty for swearing when I’m pissed off.
I am made to feel guilty for having fish and chips!
I am made to feel guilty about going on holiday.
I am made to feel guilty for not working hard enough by Mr Motivator and politicians who praise “hard-working families” without actually knowing how fucking hard people DO work.
I am made to feel guilty by refusing to give money to charities, even though I give money to other charities.
I am made to feel guilty for going out when the BBC hand over their entire Friday Night schedule to a charity telethon.
I am made to feel guilty for watching football.
I am made to feel guilty about sneaking food into the cinema because the bastards try to rip me off with overpriced and oversized portions of crap.
I am made to feel guilty about having a big cream bun!
I am made to feel guilty for telling people “No”!
I am made to feel guilty for doing exactly what I want to do and not what other people want me to do to “fit in”.
I am made to feel guilty for playing video games at the age of 53.
I am made to feel guilty for spending my own money on things I want.
Well, dear reader, there are many reasons other things that people try to make me feel guilty about and to be brutally frank I’ve had enough!
I think I need to make a change and stick two fingers up to the establishment on certain occasion.
The fightback starts here!
I am NOT GUILTY M'lud!
Now PISS OFF and leave me alone!
Are you with me, dear reader?