Wednesday, 3 March 2010

Painful Music


Regular readers will know that I am very opinionated when it comes to music. I know what I like and I immerse myself in that music blotting out everything else as I embark upon a voyage to harmonious heaven.

Sceptics will say:

“Harmonious heaven? Absolute bollocks! You like heavy metal!! Don’t you mean Hell???”

I don’t want to sing the praises of rock again but I absolutely love classic rock, progressive rock and heavy metal.

However, my taste is quite varied in reality; I like classical music, I like old school dance music, 80’s style electronic pop music, some rock and roll, blues, a touch of Neil Diamond and even old stuff performed by the likes of Frank Sinatra and Sammy Davis Junior. I love the Rolling Stones, the Beach Boys, the Beatles and early Elvis Presley. I love a lot of stuff by Simon and Garfunkel and I think bands like ELO and Supertramp are fantastic.

Basically, if I like it, I will buy it, enjoy it and allow it to possess me, no matter what the style.

However, since I met Mrs PM, my patience and my willingness to embrace other modern genres has almost been annihilated.

You see, Mrs PM and I are seven years apart in terms of age but light years apart in musical taste. She hates my music and I hate most of hers.

Since we got together over ten years ago, our only major disagreement is what gets played in the car when we are driving somewhere – or watching music channels – or listening to the radio – or deciding what music to play when we have friends around – or deciding which musically themed bars to go to.

It is a major source of frustration to me that her taste and mine is so different.

It is a major source of frustration to Mrs PM that my taste and hers is so different.

I say: “I wish you liked just one of my favourite bands”

She says: “I wish you would see sense and stop listening to that shit music.”

Whenever she introduces me to a new friend of hers, her third sentence is “Dave likes heavy metal. His taste is really abysmal.”

One of the problems I have with Mrs PM’s choice in music is that her taste is so transient. She will buy a CD and become captivated by it for approximately six months. And then she will discard it and say: “It’s over! I’m sick of it!”

She commits what I regard as a heinous crime: she sells her CD’s when they are “over” for her

I know; it’s shocking isn’t it?

I have never, ever, ever, ever sold any music that I have bought – even if I only like one song on the album.

Music is for keeps – not just for Christmas.

If you sell a CD what happens if you are suddenly possessed by nostalgia and need to listen to something from the 70’s?

Mrs PM disagrees; she accuses me of hoarding music and when she decides to have a clearout she asks me a question that shocks me to the very marrow of my bones:

“Shall I put some of your old CD’s on EBAY?”

That is a crime in my view.

“NO! NO! NO! NO! NEVER EVER EVER SELL MY CD’S!” I scream in incredulous shock.

She merely shrugs her shoulders and says: “I only asked.”

I ONLY ASKED? I ONLY ASKED?????

It's like asking me to sever my own finger.

She thinks I never listen to old music, forgetting that I have a 40 Gigabyte mp3 jukebox with 5482 songs on it ranging from Beethoven to Black Sabbath, Abba to AC/DC and Kate Bush to Metallica.

And it is only 75% full.

I listen to it on “shuffle” so I constantly get a massive variety of music from the very first album I bought to the very last one. Admittedly, the bulk of music (probably about 70%) is rock but the rest is a smorgasbord of fabulous tunes from other genres.

So why are our tastes so different and how do we cope?

From the earliest days of our relationship I was gently promoted my favourite bands. In the honeymoon period, she listened to it with a sweet smile. I knew the honeymoon period was over when she suddenly said:

“ENOUGH!! I AM SICK OF YOUR MUSIC! IT IS SHIT!!”

And then the onslaught began. Mrs PM, my sweet, kind lady went on the attack, subjecting me to her dreadful music in all of its diabolical glory.

Over the years I have had to put up with that dreadful dance music that just goes something like this:

BOOF! DOOF! BOOF! DOOF! BOOF! BOOF! BOOF!
BOOF! DOOF! BOOF! DOOF! BOOF! BOOF! BOOF!
BOOF! DOOF! BOOF! DOOF! BOOF! BOOF! BOOF!
BOOF! DOOF! BOOF! DOOF! BOOF! BOOF! BOOF!
BOOF! DOOF! BOOF! DOOF! BOOF! BOOF! BOOF!
BOOF! DOOF! BOOF! DOOF! BOOF! BOOF! BOOF!
BOOF! DOOF! BOOF! DOOF! BOOF! BOOF! BOOF!

I have to endure wailing women and bleating men; Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Lady Ga Ga, Black Eyed Peas, Justin Timberlake, The Sugarbabes, LL Cool J, Destiny’s Child, BeyoncĂ©, Jay Z, Girls Aloud, Jennifer Lopez, Basshunter, Rihanna, The Pussycat Dolls, Mariah Carey and all sorts of artists that feel the need to inject rap into the middle of a song. I have to endure hip hop, garage and all that bollocks they play on Galaxy Radio. She plays triple CD’s from the “Ministry of Sound”, which incidentally I would like to brand “Ministry of Shit”. I have to suffer R’n’B which is so BORING and one dimensional it puts me into a coma just contemplating it.

Thank heavens she doesn’t like boy bands like Take That and Westlife – I think if she did I would possibly go insane.

There’s lots of other stuff she likes that I simply cannot categorise apart from in the bucket labelled “CRAP!”

Mrs PM will never go into a bar that plays rock music but she drags me into bars and pubs that play new bilge at an ear-splitting volume, and while I am screaming to make myself heard, she will nod her head in time to the music and mouth “I LUURRVVEE THIS SONG!”

And I put up with it!!

Anyway, I am pleased to say that there is a slight overlap. Here’s a graphical representation of how our tastes compare:

Mind you, I have actually tried to listen to her music and incredibly some of it has broken through the barrier. Here are one or two that Mrs PM has introduced to me over the years and that I actually like (quite a lot in fact - but don't tell Mrs PM):

Fatboy Slim – Weapon of Choice
Gwen Stefani – What You Waiting For?
Robyn – With Every Heartbeat
Morcheeba – The Sea
Moby – Porcelain
Rogue Traders – Voodoo Child
Dido – Here With Me
Outkast – Hey Ya!
The Ting Tings – That’s Not My Name
Madonna – Ray Of Light
Massive Attack - Teardrop
Goldfrapp – Strict Machine
Bodyrockers – I Like the Way You Move

There are a few others, but I guess you get the drift. Sadly, with Mrs PM’s transient nature, most of them are now out of favour anyway.

Amazingly however, Mrs PM actually vaguely likes one of my favourite bands – Nine Inch Nails – just the odd song but it’s a start.

And finally, my dear, if you are reading this, here’s a fabulous song that I think you might like:

Follow this link

Strangely I think of Simon Cowell and his minions when I hear it.

Enjoy.

22 comments:

Pandora Behr said...

Tis a pity about the dodgy advert at the start of the clip. Country music - blah.
Well said.

The Plastic Mancunian said...

Hi Pandora,

AAARRRRGGHHHH!!! Country music.

Thankfully Mrs PM hates country music as much as I do.

Phew!!!

:0)

Cheers

PM

Kath Lockett said...

Oh god no, not country music...!

...and the wee ditties that you've grudgingly admitted to liking - at least half of them are on my iPod under the 'Kath Run' playlist...!

Scars Beneath The Skin said...

Selling a 'favourite' CD after 6 months? Women are fickle creatures.

I've still got the first LP I bought in 1975(ish).

River said...

So it's probably a good thing that Mrs PM will never hear any of my playlists. Lots of country music, some 80's rock and pop, a little ABBA, I've even got Whistling Jack Smith on there. Along with some Elton John, the Beatles, an Elvis song or two....there's others that I can't remember right now, I'd have to click over and read them.

The Plastic Mancunian said...

G'Day Kath,

Get some rock music on your "Kath Run" playlist.

I recommend "Painkiller" by Judas Priest as a start. Look it up on YouTube.

Your running machine won't know what hit it.

:0)

Cheers

PM

The Plastic Mancunian said...

Hi Andy,

So have I, mate - so have I.

:0)

Cheers

PM

The Plastic Mancunian said...

Hi River,

Sounds like it is all fine music - apart from the country music of course ...

;-)

Cheers

PM

Aluajala said...

Same thing with me and my Hub despite the fact that we don't call each other's fav music shit :)
He's into ambient/trance and I like gothic/alternative metal bands. Good thing is we're not social and don't really go to bars and such and at home we only listen music in headphones. Although he sometimes plays his music in speakers too.
So.. uh good luck with your struggle :)

The Plastic Mancunian said...

Hi Aluajala,

I like your taste in music very much!

Fight the good fight!

:0)

Cheers

PM

bingkee said...

It's sad that music today is just either blah or dreadful. But there are quite a few which I like . I like Pussycat Dolls (Nicole Scherzinger's voice is really great and I heard her sing solo live--my husband who's a a meticulous voice critique has only praises for her), and also Gwen Stefani. I also love Sugar Ray, Avril Lavigne and Maroon 5. I don't like country music but there are crossover country music that has become pop because it's really great like the Grammy winner (I think last 96 or 97) ---Still the One by Shania Twain, and now currently Carrie Underwood's Jesus Take the Wheel (crossover pop-country-Christian).
Just like you , I don't like much of BOOF DOOF music or anything that is rap. My husband calls Rihanna a fembot---female robot ---because she sings like a robot. I couldn't believe this girl who has no talent at all is famous. Another one is Shakira who , is a digital-enhanced "talent"....some music of Justin Timberlake , I like. Also I like some songs of Christina Aguilera. Her "Genie in a Bottle" is awesome and I also like the music of JLo though she is also digitally-enhanced "talent".

But for rock music, I don't listen to death metal and plain metal. I find it as noisy as rap.

A Blog In The Rough said...

Dearest PM -

You don't know how much this cracked me up... I married a man who was into hardcore techno and the like, and I am a huge fan of classic rock and metal too (the bigger hair the better, I always say!). We argued much the same way you guys do. I was even known to run out of a room screaming "I'M GOING TO KILL!" because I swear that incessant beat made me completely insane. Thankfully we both hated country music, but WOW was it hard to agree on anything!
I also decided I could actually like Moby during that cutesy honeymoon stage too - but that was it!

Now thankfully it looks like I've picked the right guy, he doesn't have any freakishly different tastes in music, thank Ozzy!

PS. Speaking of Ozzy, how's the book?

Kelly said...

I have to admit that Beloved B have the same problem. Although our tastes in music often coincide, it is not a sure thing. I have left some of my music off my MP3 player so my stuff gets a fair turn in the car but I have to say that I will take Beloved B's music anyday, over the yappy people on talkback radio that he really likes to listen to.

The Plastic Mancunian said...

Hi Bingkee,

Out of the list you gave, I like Avril Lavigne - particularly "Skater Boy" but the rest I'm not keen on. Your husband is right about Rihanna.

Bizarrely I draw the line at "Death Metal" too - I like to understand what the singer is singing about (as I am a HUGE fan of good lyrics). Metallica are about as heavy as it gets for me to be honest.

:0)

Cheers

PM

The Plastic Mancunian said...

Hi Lady from Delaware,

I wouldn't go so far as to say either of run out the room screaming - but Mrs PM certainly shuts the door when I have a blast of metal or classic rock.

Thankfully I am quite tolerant so I am willing to give her tunes a chance - and as I said - some pop through - I discovered the Franch band "Air" thanks to Mrs PM and now I own four of their albums (mellow electropop).

"I am Ozzy" is brilliant. I was reading it at work and couldn't stop laughing. It's written pretty much how he speaks. It's even better because he is from Aston in Birmingham which is about 10 miles from where I was born - so I know some of the places he used to hang out.

Ozzy is fantastic!!

:0)

Cheers

PM

The Plastic Mancunian said...

Hi Kelly,

I don't listen to the radio apart from first thing in the morning because I hate the music and I hate the DJ's. I only listen to news anyway so something like "Talkback Radio" sounds dreadful.

Mrs PM and I tried an experiment where we alternated our music in the car - it worked for around 30 minutes then one of us (probably Mrs PM) just switched off the radio in disgust.

I'm optimistic though; I still force her to endure new music if I can. I'm sadly failing though.

:0)

Cheers

PM

ishi said...

oh dear! :]

An Eerie Tapestry said...

She sells CDs!? I thought only burglars did that.

Not sure that your music taste (apart from ELO) has any more merits than Mrs PM's, though they're both bound to be better than mine. Anyway better go, before I get that catchy "BOOF! DOOF!" song stuck in my head.

The Plastic Mancunian said...

Hi Ishi,

Can I just say - I like Gary Numan ....

:-)

Cheers

PM

The Plastic Mancunian said...

Hi Mark,

Anybody who buys the "Glee" soundtrack or actually pays money for a William Shatner album has nothing to tell me - or Mrs Pm for that matter.

Still, you might be a giant ...

:0)

Cheers

PM

L said...

You have mostly just described my musical differences I have with my husband! Although I am more of the music "snob", as you are. He favors classic rock, while I favor lots of sort of indie bands. its always an adventure, and I've often wondered what it would be like to love the same music. ah well, we can't have everything.

The Plastic Mancunian said...

Hi L,

I actually like Indie bands too - I have a far collection of Indie music.

It seems that a lot of couples have differences and somehow manage to handle them - very few could be worse than Mrs PM and me.

:0)

Cheers

PM