Sunday, 12 October 2008

Stupid Questions




Questions like “If a tree falls down in the woods and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” really wind me up because it enables pseudo intellectuals to start pontificating about philosophy, paradigm shifts, the meaning of life and all the baggage and bull that comes with it. I really don’t like pseudo-intellectuals. I wish people would just talk to people without attempting to impress people with big long meaningless words, phrases and ideas.

I prefer stupid questions that make people laugh. I’ve had a trawl of the internet and come up with a few favourites:

Is sexual harassment a work a problem if you are self-employed?

Are you telling the truth if you lie in bed?

What do fish drink?

Do pilots take crash courses?

If I gave you a pencil, could you draw a blank?

Who killed the Dead Sea?

How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

If bees live in an apiary where do apes live?

If I save time, when do I get it all back?

If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they get Teflon to stick to the pan?

Why isn’t there mouse flavoured cat food?

If there were a spelling mistake in a dictionary, who would notice?

Why is it necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Why is a boxing ring square?

Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”

Why do your feet smell, yet your nose runs?

Why do they build cars that go faster than the speed limit?

Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why aren’t there ever any guilty bystanders?

Why are violets blue and not violet?

Where is Old Zealand?

When people lose weight, where does it go? And why can’t anybody else find it?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

What is “soft liquor”?

If you swallow your pride, what does it taste like?

What do sheep count when they can’t sleep?

Where in the nursery rhyme does it say that Humpty Dumpty is an egg?

Why is Greenland called Greenland when it is covered in ice?

What would cheese say if you took its picture?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

By all means try to answer the questions if you are a pseudo-intellectual. I’d be interested to hear from you. I won't laugh.

11 comments:

Robin Easton said...

I'm applauding you and laughing so hard I forgot what the question was. I'm still back up at:

"Is sexual harassment at work a problem if you are self-employed?"

I'm self-employed!!! And my imagination just ran amuck!

The Plastic Mancunian said...

Hi Robin,

I like that one too

:-)

Cheers

PM

Brian said...

"What was the best thing before sliced bread?" is my favorite, but all are good questions. I wondered about why a boxing ring is called that when it's square as well. Also the term "squared circle" is strange when referring to a ring. Whatever the answers to these questions, it definitely made for a funny blog post. Now I'm off to try to draw a blank with a pencil.

The Plastic Mancunian said...

Good Luck, Brian.

Perhaps you can let me know how you get on.

Cheers

PM

roadgurl5 said...

So funny! Reminds me of the comedian Gallagher who was popular in the 80s. Your post is right up his alley..."why do you park your car in the driveway and drive on the parkway?" Good post!

The Plastic Mancunian said...

There are hundreds of similar questions - and all just as funny.

Cheers

PM

Euroangel said...

wow I love your blog...full of humor and very interesting..thanks for sharing!! added you too in BC...

The Plastic Mancunian said...

Thanks euroangel.

Despite my best efforts, I struggle to take life seriously. There is always a funny side ...

Cheers

PM

JJ said...

Nice collection. I didn't realize there was no Roman numeral for zero. Weird.

The Plastic Mancunian said...

No JJ, neither did I.

Strange indeed

Cheers

PM

kenwooi said...

interesting questions. =)